Need to vent...and some more advice :)

Heres my vent....I dealt with this with DD1 and am dealing with it again. My DH believes the only reason a baby crys is for food. He doesn't understand that the baby has a desirer to suck and only wants to use my breast as a pacifier. He pushes, so I'll put the baby back on to keep from arguing about it and ofcourse the baby will spit up almost everything it has eaten. Its frustrating because I am trying to only supplement if necessary so it seems they are always on me. He doesn't understand that there are actually other reasons they cry. I have (finally) gotten them to take paci but he refuses to give them to the babies because he says "thats not what they want". I'm frustrated.

Now some advice...when I do supplement, I'll bf and then top them up. My son is ok but I find my daughter ends up spitting up most of what I have given her. I tried different brands but they all seem the same. I am worried because DS is gaining weight and growing much faster then she is. I know she is getting stuff because when I bf she does not spit up and I see her swallowing but she is still hungry most of the time so I top her up and then she spits it up. She was small when we left the hospital (4lbs 10oz) so I know she has more catching up to do but I still worry. Anyone else deal with this.

Honestly, if my DH were insisting I pacify the kids with my boobs, I would have a serious meltdown. I had a low supply to begin with and felt as if they were constantly at my chest and supplementing afterward with no time to do anything else. I was exhausted, lacking in sleep, and trying to watch a 12 month old at the same time so I know that I would've had a meltdown if anyone tried telling me what to do with them. I feel your frustration and am amazed how you've been able to stay patient with him.

As for the spitting up issue, how often are you burping her? I know that if I didn't burp every ounce with the bottle, they would spit up almost everything that was fed to them, especially Tae. If it's not air, you may want to check about possible reflux. Keep us posted on how she's doing! (((Hugs)))

I think I would kill my DH if he said that LOL! ;)

I did not BF so I don't really have any advice. My son would always spit up and I found out he had pyloric stenosis and reflux.

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Originally Posted by brady77

I think I would kill my DH if he said that LOL! ;)

I did not BF so I don't really have any advice. My son would always spit up and I found out he had pyloric stenosis and reflux.

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Yes, this!!!! I am not really sure how you can address this with your DH other than educating him on child development. Babies cry for many reasons. They cry for attention, food, comfort, dirty or wet diapers (which is a comfort issues), being too cold or hot, or when something hurts. Somehow, I don't think bf cures any of those issues other than hunger. Babies have no other way to communicate their needs. Good luck with that battle. I would have had a meltdown if my DH insisted I feed the babies all the time.

My girls were bottlefed as well. I did bf my DS, but I never supplemented. Keira did have mild reflux and was a piggy with her bottle (which didn't help the reflux), so she was constantly spitting up.

I think DH is starting to get the point. I'm leaving him alone with them more often (to shower, run out to the store...thank you supplementing!) and he is realizing that they don't always want the bottle when they cry. I'll admit that these babies don't cry for much, but they do mostly cry for food and to be held. When he picks the babies up and they instantly fall back to sleep makes him realize that they didn't need food. And now that I got both of them to take a paci (I forced it one them, I needed relief!) hes starting to understand the need to suck.

As for Kaylee, what are signs of reflux other then spitting up. They have a doc appt. on wed. so I'm going to talk to my doc then.

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Originally Posted by krista83

I think DH is starting to get the point. I'm leaving him alone with them more often (to shower, run out to the store...thank you supplementing!) and he is realizing that they don't always want the bottle when they cry. I'll admit that these babies don't cry for much, but they do mostly cry for food and to be held. When he picks the babies up and they instantly fall back to sleep makes him realize that they didn't need food. And now that I got both of them to take a paci (I forced it one them, I needed relief!) hes starting to understand the need to suck.

As for Kaylee, what are signs of reflux other then spitting up. They have a doc appt. on wed. so I'm going to talk to my doc then.

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Good to hear that it's improved with DH!

As for the other symptoms:

• Your baby may suffer from obvious pain
• Your baby may cry constantly or suddenly begin screaming
• Your baby may be generally irritable.
• Your baby may vomit frequently (generally after a feed)
  This vomiting may be a gentle spill (positing) or projectile.
• You may find your baby has problems with feeding, such as:
  -wanting to feed all the time for comfort
  -wanting to not feed at all
  -crying during feeding or after feeding
  -they may pull away while feeding and arch their back.
• They may have poor sleep patterns such as catnapping during the day and frequent waking at night. Some refluxers however, do sleep well at night.

Since you said she eats fine without spitting up when nursing, it sounds more like air issues with the bottle to me. Or sometimes a newborn gets their gagging reflex going from the nipple if the nipple is not held just how they like it and then spits up from that alone. If you're not already burping at every ounce, try it to see if it reduces the number of occurrences. And if it doesn't go down by Wednesday, mention to your Dr. that you also tried this as well as possible reflux.

I'm glad DH is realizing he was wrong. I like that he's getting it w/o you having to hit him over the head with a cast iron skillet - your way seems much more effective and gets you out of the house a bit. Double positive!

I just wanted to say my littlest at birth is still my littlest and I worry about her too. She just doesn't seem to want to eat as much, and it seems she has been eating less lately. But, her weight checks are going ok. We go about every two weeks and she is steadily gaining, slower than her sibs, but gaining...so I guess all is ok.

With Zach, I think he has light reflux b/c he'll cry out in his sleep, he spits up often - especially if laid flat (his mattress is elevated with a blanket underneath it), and he has a hard time sleeping sometimes. He does tend to sleep through the night once he gets to sleep. He also has a sour look to his face after he spits up that I think is from the acid of the reflux. My dr. doesn't want to give meds to ones this young, which I appreciate, but I will readdress with her at our next appt. I'm a little concerned it's getting worse. Good luck to you with all this!

Glad that dh is learning. :) And yay for getting them to take a paci too! Hopefully dh will keep learning and you can talk to the doc about possible reflux.