Patience
+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Patience

  1. #1
    Prolific Poster Daffodils's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    1,038

    Default Patience

    I never seem to have enough of it. I've just been feeling very guilty and bad lately about the times when my patience wears thin with the boys. Oftentimes, they are not even misbehaving per se, just stalling or dawdling or not listening - as in just generally acting like toddlers. For example, today I was trying to get the boys ready to go have lunch with their dad. So I am changing Gabe's diaper and clothes and trying to put on his shoes, while Isaac sits nearby and reads a book. The way Isaac 'reads' is to point to pictures and go "uhh!" and then I name the picture for him, which is fine. But at this point I'm exhausted from working all night, and frustrated because I'm having to fight Gabe to get his clothes on, and hearing "uhh!" "uhh!" every 5 seconds louder and louder is really starting to irritate me. So I shout "stop Isaac! All done book! I'm trying to change Gabe!" then of course feel bad because really he just wants to 'read' with me, and he's just a toddler, he doesn't understand the bigger picture of trying to get ready to go, etc. I feel ripped in half sometimes because I don't have enough patience with or attention for both of them, and it's just me.

    Also sometimes I find that I have to be physical with the boys in the sense of, for example, grabbing their shoulders or bodies and physically redirecting them to something appropriate (like when we're at the store or park and they start running away from me). Or when they try to get onto their dad's computer, I always end up grabbing someone's arm to pull them away, because "no computer, let's go to your room!" doesn't work. I don't want to give them the message that being physical is OK, but when there's one of me and two of them (and they are developmentally incapable of complying to my words), what else can I do?

    Sorry this is so long, I'm just at the end of my rope and I feel like an awful mother.
    Leah
    Mama to Isaac and Gabriel 10/19/09



  2. #2
    Posting Addict
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Posts
    35,417

    Default

    Hugs Leah. It is hard, and I feel your pain. I have done just that this last few weeks. My patience has wore thin (due to lots of family stuff, we buried my brother this week).. and I feel my babies are suffering from it. I am not full of patience on a good day, so give me some stress and I'm just awesome. lol. The other day Wyatt kept bringing me a book and I was trying to sign homework stuff for the kids in the morning, Bram had been bringing me a book before that, and I threw the book on the floor after constant, "I can't read to you right now" and said, "NO!" Then I felt like a jerk.

    So I don't really have any advice, but you are not alone. Its hard, really hard. I love when ppl ask me if its easier now that they are older, and then look shocked when I tell them no, it is not easier. lol
    Rachel, momma to 4
    dd 9, ds 7, twin boys Dec 09
    I nursed my twins for 2years and 2 weeks! A little sad to be all done now.

  3. #3
    Posting Addict
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    12,822

    Default

    You are not alone! You are not a bad mother either. I have been at the end of my rope lately myself. I think I have been feeling like I am really being pulled in too many directions. I have the 7yo wanting me for something and the girls needing me for something else, DH wanting something, etc... It is so hard.

    I was just snapping at Sarafina and Isaiah this morning because Isaiah was telling S goodbye and I was attempting to get her out the door. Well, she turned to walk back to Isaiah instead of walking out the door. It was not my proudest mommy moment. I apologized to Isaiah and told him I knew he was being a good big brother and saying goodbye. Thankfully, there was no yelling involved, but I have had my moments with that as well. I felt awful about that. That isn't the first time either. I had a bad moment last week when DH was out of town. I took Isaiah to an intro Cub Scouts meeting, but could not take the stroller becasue the meeting was in the basement because there is not an accessible elevator. So, we had to walk a LONG distance from the car into the school, and then down into the basement(with K crawling down the nasty stairs, which still makes me cringe). Isaiah kept dragging Keira and she kept falling down (on the wet pavement). When he tugged on her and she fell in the crosswalk of the street, I lost it. It was a horrible moment witnessed by somone in an SUV with their window open. I about cried in the car. He really isn't responsible for the girls and we try to never make him feel that way, but I had no help...none, and I needed him to assist me, not hamper me. That was another moment, where he and I had to have a discussion later about how I needed to apologize. It seems like we have had more of those lately. Yesterday, he dropped K on her head in the kitchen. Yeah, it has been rough lately.

    As for the physical part, sometimes you have to physically move kids for their safety. I often have to grab a baby and make them move in a direction I want, or distract them from something. Heck, Keira has decided she doesn't need to hold my hand in parking lots. So, you see me gripping her hand and her resisting, then me picking her up fast for her safety.

    I really wish there was more I could do for you. I know you are feeling very unsuppported at home. That does not really help at all. I literally have to ask my DH to do things. I don't think he really gets it. It is not that he does not want to help, he just doesn't think about it. I told him today that he needed to start helping me get the girls ready in the morning. It takes me over a 1/2 hour just to get them dressed and get their hair done. If he tackled one, it should take the time to 15 minutes or so. I need that. I often feel like a nag though. DH can you help me? DH can you get Keira? DH can you take the girls downstairs while I sort laundry? Blah, Blah!
    Last edited by melnzai; 09-12-2011 at 02:06 PM.
    Melanie
    DS-Isaiah 1/2/04
    DDs- Keira and Sarafina 11/28/09


  4. #4
    Mega Poster daniellec.parker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    3,282

    Default

    Just wanted to say I'm in the same boat. Right now though A&A really don't have a clue what I'm saying and why I'm upset.they just want to e near me and for me to hold them. But I have stuff I HAVE to do. And their fussing has me grinding my teeth. Aiden is crawling and wants to pull on cords and I get upset when I have to keep akin him away. I popped his hand today and felt bad, but thought I was playing and smiled. So I smiled, and it was ok. I need to start praying for patience...
    -Danielle





    Lilypie First Birthday tickers

  5. #5
    Posting Addict
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Posts
    35,417

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by melnzai View Post
    That does not really help at all. I literally have to ask my DH to do things. I don't think he really gets it. It is not that he does not want to help, he just doesn't think about it. I told him today that he needed to start helping me get the girls ready in the morning. It takes me over a 1/2 hour just to get them dressed and get their hair done. If he tackled one, it should take the time to 15 minutes or so. I need that. I often feel like a nag though. DH can you help me? DH can you get Keira? DH can you take the girls downstairs while I sort laundry? Blah, Blah!

    Oh this is so us. Dh and I have had many talks about him offering to help vs me asking. It just does not occur to him, and that drives me nuts, because when I have to ask over and over I feel like a total nag.
    Rachel, momma to 4
    dd 9, ds 7, twin boys Dec 09
    I nursed my twins for 2years and 2 weeks! A little sad to be all done now.

  6. #6
    Posting Addict
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    12,822

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by daniellec.parker View Post
    Just wanted to say I'm in the same boat. Right now though A&A really don't have a clue what I'm saying and why I'm upset.they just want to e near me and for me to hold them. But I have stuff I HAVE to do. And their fussing has me grinding my teeth. Aiden is crawling and wants to pull on cords and I get upset when I have to keep akin him away. I popped his hand today and felt bad, but thought I was playing and smiled. So I smiled, and it was ok. I need to start praying for patience...
    Oh, yes. I remember those times. Not that it is any different now. I remember having to take deep breaths and refocus when the girls were about that age. Now, I get a lot of mommy, mommy, and crying if I leave the room for a minute, even to use the bathroom. It is hard. It will get better. That is what I tell myself when we are all having a moment.

    Although, you know what they say about praying for patience, the answer might just be a trial that really tests how much patience you have. I say pray for understanding and a feeling of calm when things get overwhelming.

    Quote Originally Posted by rachelrazzle View Post
    Oh this is so us. Dh and I have had many talks about him offering to help vs me asking. It just does not occur to him, and that drives me nuts, because when I have to ask over and over I feel like a total nag.
    Nag, nag! I hate it! Although, DH did do the dishes last night without me asking! Progress! Now, I need to return the favor and clean the bathroom. Our tub needs some bleach!
    Melanie
    DS-Isaiah 1/2/04
    DDs- Keira and Sarafina 11/28/09


+ Reply to Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
v -->

About Us | Contact Us | Privacy Policy | Sitemap | Terms & Conditions