Hey! I know that I don't post in here very often now that my twins are older, but I just wanted to chime in as a mom who has survived those baby/toddler years. I understand. I think that almost ANY mom of multiples can empathize with you. I used to really HATE singleton moms at times - especially the ones who complained about HOW HARD it was to have a baby and not get sleep, etc. I wanted to shout at them, curse them, tell them they had NO IDEA how hard it could really be! The entire first year was literally a living hell for me... and the toddler years weren't much easier. To top it off, I had a singleton when my twins were 16 months old. Now that my girls are 9, though, it's almost like I have two singletons - I mean they are the same age, and are definitely sisters, but they have different teachers, different friends, different sports/activities... and when I look back on the younger years, I almost miss feeling that "specialness" that being a mom of multiples give yous.
So my point is - feel resentful! Believe me, we've all done it! And go ahead and feel sorry for yourself - lord knows that once in a while, we have to do that, we have have to mourn some of the experience that we missed of having just one baby. I still to this day say that I would never have wanted to give up one of my girls, but I just wish that I had only had one at a time! But when you are having a good day, when the babies are both in good moods, or when you get those rare moments where you feel lucky to have been able to experience having twins, take it all in and store those thoughts away so that you remember the good days, too, once those first few years are all over with. And soon you'll be the the supportive parent telling the new mom of twins that it WILL get better - I catch myself telling moms that all the time.
Thank you, Melissa!
Got pulled away before I could finish ...
Empathy and "permission" for resentment are always appreciated, as is the reminder that we're lucky, too. My girl is finding everything funny these days, particularly the dog and ESPECIALLY her brother. It's pretty cute!
And finally, congratulations on your pregnancy!!
Thanks Melissa! Sometimes, I think that toddlerhood/preschooler days are worse than the infant days. Keira would not get off the potty today because Sarafina left her alone in the bathroom. I had to go in and talk about how sad she felt and give her hugs. Then, she was ready to get off the potty and get dressed. I would never have to deal with that with just one baby! However, it also helps me appreciate the kind of relationship my girls have. They are best friends. Sarafina felt bad that Keira was upset while I was getting her dressed. It doesn't mean I let her go back into the bathroom because I had to get them out the door to daycare in time for me to get to work. However, their relationship is special. No matter how resentful I get, I look at them holding hands, taking turns, giving each other a toy that they were playing with, or just hugging, I know how special it is to be a MoM. It is just hard sometimes.
I had to share this story. A friend of mine who has twins 3 weeks older then K and B was telling me today about a bachlorette she went to this weekend. A friend of hers has a 3 year and a 9 month old baby. My friend said that her friend kept telling this story about how a women with twins told her how much harder it is to have a toddler and a newborn then it is to have twins. And she kept saying this over again to a mother of twins. I'm sorry but its nothing like twins when you have babes close in age and I get so resentful of these moms who think they have it so much harder. It infuriates me.
You want to know the awesomest part of having twin babies? When you get mastitis and a 103 F fever and vomiting and chills like nobody's business and they both scream at you and need things all day and you try your best to get them dealt with while you wait 6 hours until the end of your boyfriend's work day to get to urgent care that doesn't even accept your insurance but you don't care and you're at home mostly just crying and saying, "SHHHHHHH! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
Oh Sheila! I'm sorry! That sucks. How are you feeling now? I was so sick last week, I seriously laid on the couch all day with no energy to do anything. I was so grateful the twins were old enough to be tv entertained while I was stuck on the couch, and that they could fetch little snacks from the fridge for me to open for them. Sucks that you are feeling awful and two little ones!
Krista, yeah, I don't know who that lady is socializing with, because that is just nuts. I am thankful for my family members that realize how hard twins are and tell me all the time that they could not do it (I'm sure they could, because we all do, but it is nice to know that ppl realize how much work they are!) And tons of ppl have kids 3yrs apart, I have never heard anyone say 3yr gap is harder than twins, that is just crazy sauce! I sure get tired of the ppl with kids 1yr apart telling me how its just like twins, or harder. Thankfully my sister has confirmed it is NOT at all the same, and twins are definitely more difficult, and her boys are 14mo apart (20 and 21 now).
Rachel, momma to 4
dd 9, ds 7, twin boys Dec 09
I nursed my twins for 2years and 2 weeks! A little sad to be all done now.