Vent ...sort of...

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Military Mom's picture
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Vent ...sort of...

Let me start by saying everytime I feel stressed, God finds a way to remind me I am blessed. One of my really close friends called me with her co-worker on speaker phone. She said she had a few questions and thought I could help. She has gone trough 2 cycles of IVF and got pregnant both times, but both resulted in miscarriages... I answered her questions and offered support the best I could but I felt really bad for her. I know the pain of infertility and to have gone through IVF, I cant imagine losing your pregnancies after all that. So... here goes my vent, sort of... without sounding ingrateful (sp?)...

I have come to grips with a few things - I cant love on and attend to the twins both as I want to, because there are 2 of them, 1 of me LOL, and I still have to balance 2 other children, housework, etc... the second thing is I cant keep my house as immaculate as I wish bc I just dont have the time anymore to follow my 4 year old (almost 5!) picking up behind her. And I realize that my dreams of having time to work out as much as I want n this new elliptical I bought - well for now, maybe once their feedings spread out some.... and once I go back to work I will have to gather up a whole new routine, which totally freaks me out! But... there are a few things that I am trying to figure out...

Financially, holy cow - I am ALREADY seeing the pain of multiples. I commute 70 + miles and since being home I have saved on gas so I have used that extra money to get ahead on stocking up on formula and diapers - but I dont want to get too far ahead on diapers not wanting to have them grow out of one size and wasting the diapers... I do have variety of sizes though and wipes are somethign they never grow out of... but daycare, OMG, we are already budgeting to pay for daycare in 2 weeks or so and I am starting to panic! I think we can pull it off but it will be tight. I want to get out (of the military) and stay home but then we def would be hurting, as my income is a big chunk and we couldnt be without it no matter how we budget. DH is contemplating getting out - NEXT MONTH- and going to school which would help in some ways... he could fix his schedule around my work schedule so we could eliminate daycare and since he has the GI Bill, that will be something coming in and he will def rate some disability (he was stabbed by another Marine and has some issues around that - uh ya, tell me about it)... anyway, so if he gets out he will have other income coming in that I wouldnt and he doesnt make as much as me so we could work it that way but that also still freaks me out, though I support his decisions, its change. Anyway, I keep telling myself of we can get by until next summer, we will be good. I get a really good pay raise in May (as I will be promoted) and then the babies will be preparing to go on whole milk vs the expensive formula... and potty training will be around the corner (sort of)... so I know we can do it, I am just a little scared.

Everything else is going well, I mean balancing everything as much as I can - sleep, well, I am doing the best I can there... I think the Navy has helped me learn - I will sleep when I die LOL... on the ship, we just have too much stuff going on and to much to do, plus duty/watch, etc LOL ... so sleep deprivation isnt totally new to me.

I guess I am not asking for any advice, def no pity LOL Just wanted to vent and say I am proud of all of you multiple mommies out there, bc this is a serious challenge, in many ways. I read this quote in one of the twin books... I thought it was great, it went something like "I know God wont give me anything I cant handle, I just wish HE didnt trust me so much!" Mother Theresa.

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Vent away. That's what we are here for. And yes financially, twins are hard. We just finished our first week of daycare and it is expensive
This is why I breast feed! I couldn't afford to formula! As for diapers, you are right in that you dont want to stock up on the wron size but you also go through diapers twice as fast. My babes just turned a year and we are still 12-16 diapers aday. We go through a jumbo swaddlers 174 diapers in less then two weeks. What I'm trying to say is that you can stock up more then you think you can. I have 3 full jumbo packs in their closet right now!

Basically, what I'm getting at is is that it's really hard being a mother of multiples and the only ppl who can truly understand are other mothers of multiples. You will survive, I promise.

DannyT's picture
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Wow, first I am so impressed how together you are. My babies are 2+ weeks and i'm not ready to manage them alone yet!. We will all find a path, we are contemplating DH staying home too next year. $ for day CD are/extra spending is crazy with both of us working. Luckily I don't go back till Nov. I hope uou find your path soon Smile

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Yup .... we get it. All of it. It's hard!

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Vent away. Being a mom to multiples is very hard. I do promise that it gets easier and you will eventually have time for your other kiddos again. It takes some time though. We are finally feeling like we are getting our lives back again, and the girls are almost 3.

As for the cost, I still struggle with that. I am working on getting Keira's fall/winter clothes, and my oldest grew a ton over the summer, so he needs all new clothes. Sarafina can wear Keira's winter clothes from last year, but probably should get a few new things. She is at the age where she knows that she is wearing Keira's clothes. I am constantly looking for sales, cheap deals, or anything that will help me save money. And...I hate buying for girls. I know most people like it, but I hate having to debate if I buy cheap tights for a dress or the cute tights, hair accessories, cute socks, different shoes for different outfits. I miss the days of khakis, jeans, and shirts with gym shoes. How easy is that. Ugh!

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I have discovered clothing swaps and love it for picking up new-to-us stuff. Maybe that would work well for your girls Melanie?

isuche02's picture
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Don't get me started on daycare. We made it through the first year with the boys in daycare. Paying for 3 in daycare is just outrageous.

Then, I was looking forward to a decrease in rates as my dd moved from the 2 yr old room to the 3 yr old room and my boys are supposed to be moving from the infant house to the toddler room so some savings when they just gave me the news they are raising the rates of people who have more than one child in daycare. Instead of a 20% discount on the 2nd and 3rd child they moved it to a 15% discount. This has hit me hard (an extra $1000 per year) and only gave me one week notice before my next monthly payment is due. It makes me want to find another daycare just because it makes me mad.

We live month to month trying to make it to the next "relief" point. In Dec my husband and I should both get a bonus that will pay for part of daycare in 2013, and then we both get raises in Jan. I am now trying to bridge the gap between my recent daycare cost increase and my pay increase. Then in the spring we will get income tax returns. Hopefully between the bonuses and the tax return we can pay for all of daycare in 2013.

Before the daycare cost increase notification I just recieved, I went through and bought all the kids winter clothes - wiping out all the extra cash I had. Unfortunately for me, my kids have been growing so much no clothes fit them for more than one season. I shop sales and only purchase when there are good sales and free shipping (like Kohls 30% off sales). Almost all of my shopping is done online because it is nearly impossible for me to take all my kids shopping by myself.

As far as diapers and wipes go, I use amazon mom. I stock up on them, using the subscribe and save option (cheapest) and it allows me to budget knowing how much I am going to spend on daipers and wipes in a month. When I can I stock up and get extra orders and I don't worry about having too many of one size. They have a program where you can return anything purchased through amazon mom for free for a year. No shipping, no nothing, just my money back. The only trick is I have to make time to get the diapers they outgrew into the mail.

The day the boys turned one I took them off of formula. I just could not afford it. I am very glad to be done with that. I am also very glad to be done with baby food.

I so look forward to getting rid of diapers. I have read in the 50's/60's kids were usually potty trained by 18mo and in todays world it is around 3 that is average. They believe it is due to primary care givers now in the work place. I would love for my boys to be PTd by 18mo but I don't see how that is possible. I might try it earlier than I did with my DD just to see how it goes.

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Jennie- I would be so mad. They can't raise the rates with such little notice. Seriously, how can a person work with the cost of day care. I keep telling myself just make it through the next 3 years and then the babes will be in JK all day/everyday. I only starting paying daycare (working on week 2) and we are already feeling the pinch. why cant we all just win the lottery?

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"isuche02" wrote:

Don't get me started on daycare. We made it through the first year with the boys in daycare. Paying for 3 in daycare is just outrageous.

Then, I was looking forward to a decrease in rates as my dd moved from the 2 yr old room to the 3 yr old room and my boys are supposed to be moving from the infant house to the toddler room so some savings when they just gave me the news they are raising the rates of people who have more than one child in daycare. Instead of a 20% discount on the 2nd and 3rd child they moved it to a 15% discount. This has hit me hard (an extra $1000 per year) and only gave me one week notice before my next monthly payment is due. It makes me want to find another daycare just because it makes me mad.

I so look forward to getting rid of diapers. I have read in the 50's/60's kids were usually potty trained by 18mo and in todays world it is around 3 that is average. They believe it is due to primary care givers now in the work place. I would love for my boys to be PTd by 18mo but I don't see how that is possible. I might try it earlier than I did with my DD just to see how it goes.

Boo for the lack of notice and increase to daycare costs. I can understand an increase sometimes, but it is important to give notice. How do they expect people to change their budgets like that?

As for potty training, I think that might be partly true. Working parent households make it hard. We are finding it to be a challenge. However, I do honestly believe that kids are not developmentally ready until around age 2. Don't forget that potty training is very much a cognitive skill. It requires planning ability, realizing what the sensation feels like when you need to go, how to "hold it", and a willingness to accept direction and learn. It also requires a larger bladder. I really don't believe that all kids were "potty trained" by 18 months back then. I also believe it was not considered okay to have older kids who were not potty trained. And, I pretty much guarantee, those kids had a lot of accidents.

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Vent away! I remember venting often back when I spent a ton of time on this board.

The cost of day care was the reason that I became a stay at home Mom 7 years ago! After day care and commuting costs, I would have only had about $100 per month left. It was insane!

I also chose to breastfeed, and make all homemade baby food mostly because of the costs! I wish I had followed my instincts and cloth diapered too, but I let people talk me out of it saying it was impossible to do with two babies. It's now one of my regrets. Sigh! But, I did potty train my twins at 2 (day and night trained) so it is definitely possible to do it early, but I know that doesn't work for everyone.

Good Luck! I hope it all works out!

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Here I feel bad about venting ... DD#2 just started kindergarten, I couldnt imagine having 3 in daycare! And raising the costs? With little notice? I know where DD#2 goes to school (private), she also went to pre k there... they no longer give military discounts as they did last year. We ended up financing her to go this year and ended up being able to pay it off but I was afraid of that payment too but the public school she was going to was horrible. We went one day to orientation and were like um NO!

I totally wish we could afford for me to be a stay at home mom, just isnt possible Sad

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"Military Mom" wrote:

Here I feel bad about venting ... DD#2 just started kindergarten, I couldnt imagine having 3 in daycare! And raising the costs? With little notice? I know where DD#2 goes to school (private), she also went to pre k there... they no longer give military discounts as they did last year. We ended up financing her to go this year and ended up being able to pay it off but I was afraid of that payment too but the public school she was going to was horrible. We went one day to orientation and were like um NO!

I totally wish we could afford for me to be a stay at home mom, just isnt possible Sad

I think every Mama wishes for this. But one think I can honest say about going to work, it does give you a bit of a break. Hot food eaten at a normal pace is an amazing thing!