I feel like a lot of couples know how many kids they want to have. If you do, how did you and DH reach that number? How well you you agree? Are you really sure that's how many you want? Why?
As you know, DH would be happy to be done with 3. Growing up, I thought 3 or 4 would be good. But now I'm thinking 5 or 6. DH thinks I'm nuts. I think we'll have a 4th, but after that... if he's really done, how do I come to terms with it?
big boy 12.8.07 @ 39+2 7lbs 8oz, 20.5" BFed for 13 months
middle boy 8.12.09 @ 39+4 7lbs 9oz, 21" BFed for 13.5 months
little boy 4.26.11 @ 38+4 6lbs 14oz, 19.5" BFed until 26mo and restarted at 30mo!
baby boy 10.25.13 @ 41+0 8lbs 15oz, 21.5"
8.16.12 & 12.16.12
Hm that's tough. I don't think I really ever had a set number in mind. I've always known I wanted more than one - I love my sister and the idea of not having her makes me sad. I loved growing up with her, we were always close so it was never a question about 2. For us it's really about practicality and what we feel we can best juggle. I'm definitely not certain 2-3 is right. I'm sure I'll have moments someday of thinking about a baby or another son/daughter. Especially if I have 3 boys, I think I'll always think about a girl. But for me there are things I think I can do best with 2-3 children. Those things definitely aren't important to everyone - I don't want anyone to think I think I mean families that are larger are going with out I am talking about what I think we can do best. I can see the benefits of a big family. But vacations, flights, college tuition, school groups, sports, events, friends etc etc I just think personally DH and I can best manage all of those things and provide all of those things for 2-3 children. I also think personally I don't always want a baby. I don't always want to divide my time between older children and babies. I don't always want to get up in the middle of the night and have diapers etc. I want that to be part of my life then I want my family's life to move forward together - to school, sports etc etc So 2-3 kids 2-3 years apart achieves that for me.
I also have things in my life that are mine that I don't want to give up. My career, my rescue work. I think I can have 2-3 kids and continue to work and be active in rescue. Work has already told me they'd like to put me on a path to upper management. I'm not ready right now to be a director or VP - but down the line I would be good at it. I'm good at my job and my nature is to continue to take on responsibility. That's what I do. I'm upper-middle management now, I manage about $50 million in sales and 5,000 items daily and in time I would like to be a director or VP impacting the direction of the company. I would also like to continue to be on the board of the rescue group, it takes a lot of time and there's no pay but I enjoy it. In order to balance the career I've worked hard to build, the rescue work that is emotionally fulfilling to me and my family I don't think we could have more than 3. DH will continue to progress at work too, he'll likely be a CCIE (highest certification in his field) in the next couple years. He'll be a lead at his place of employment or he'll move on to run a larger IT group.
I like balance in life and for me 2-3 is where I can best balance all the things I consider important. It won't mean I won't occasionally think about #4 or a daughter or whatever but I'll be happy with what I have and know deep down it's what is best for our family.
I've always wanted 3 (two girls and a boy, in that order), it was difficult enough to get DH to want a 2nd and with how rough my pregnancy was with Natalie having another is not an option. I still struggle with it from time to time, guess I will just have to become a crazy cat lady sooner rather than later .
* Amanda *
I always wanted 3. DH was always on board with that (he just said he wanted at least 2). Well sometime during my pregnancy or after Xander was born I just decided I only wanted 2. I don't really know why, I think mainly because of my age and also for some of the same reasons Katie stated. I think we'll be able to provide for 2 better than for 3, especially since I will not work while my kids are under 5/6 years old. We make plenty of money to pay the bills and put a little bit into savings and retirement with just DH working, but we've given up all of our fun money. There's very little extra for vacations and clothes and random stuff that a lot of people take for granted (like buying that bottle of nail polish or cute earrings or getting a nicer haircut, etc.). I had to give up all that stuff when I decided I wanted to be a SAHM. I'm totally happy with that decision, but it's not the way I want to live for a long time. I'd like to start making money again asap so that we can have fun family vacations to Disney World and things like that. If I have 3 kids I'm tacking on an extra 3-4 years of me not working...
All that said, I am open to the possibility of a third child if for some reason I really feel like we're not done after 2. I don't think that will be the case, but never say never!
I had my first 3 very young and met DH when my youngest (twins) were 2. When we first started dating it was really casual but he always said that he wanted a large family. He comes from a family of 5 children. I always though I would never have children and then after my oopsies, I thought for sure I wouldn't have anymore.
After a few years together I was content with my job, school and my family just as it was and truth be told, DH was very happy, too. Our lives were very full and very hectic with everything going on. And though we never said NO MORE, we both said certainly not now. After DH started law school we both pretty much said we were done.
Fast forward a few years and all my babies were teenagers. That tick tock also started. I had never, NEVER experienced actually wanting to have a baby. It took about 2 years to actually commit though.
The older boys are so independent and responsible and they are great brothers. Bringing DS#4 into the home was seamless and they just adore him. Deciding to do it again was very easy as I knew there would be at least one more shortly after bringing DS#4 home. People continue to ask if we are done with this one and neither DH or I are sure.
Maybe. That's all I can say. We're not doing anything permanent to stop having babies, but we'll make that decision based on what I can handle, what w feel we can afford and where we are at that moment. So, yeah, I guess there is no real number and I am very thankful we agree on that, it's more about what we can handle.
Before Andrew i always wanted 3... but at this point in time, he's going to be a single kid for a LONG time.
Andrew - born 12/21/2010 5 weeks early!
Sandra - That may change when he becomes a bit less needy and a bit more independent, of course we are all different and there are no wrong choices.
After Dana I wanted to wait because DH and I were so young but as time passed I eventually decided 1 was good, a several more years later I wanted another little one and DH and I decided to have Natalie. I personally didn't want DH to get the big V cause I would have liked to have one more but medical problems during my pregnancy with Natalie made a 3rd as not an option.
* Amanda *
We've always said 3 although I'd be okay staying with 2 if we decide to. I always said 3-4 and he said 2-3, so we met in the middle at 3. I was an only child growing up (I have 2 very young half siblings now) and always knew I'd have more than one kid. DH has 2 siblings and he's the middle child and thinks 3 is a good # (not something you hear from a lot of middle children!).
Now that I'm more "realistic" about our lifestyle, four would be a lot for us to handle. Even three is going to be a lot with how much we travel; it means one of us will always be in charge of two instead one-on-one like if we stayed with only two. So that is something for us to consider since that is a big part of our life. But at the same time, once Brekke is in school, I doubt we'll travel as much anyway. So who knows. I'd put money on us having a third in 2 more years. DH wants them as close as possible and also wants to be done when he's 30 which is 2013.
I think we'll be done after 2! I always wanted 3, and DH only wanted 1 (this coming from the youngest of 3 boys who is very close to his older brothers! ), so we (like Ash!) met in the middle at 2. At this point, I wouldn't mind ending up with 3, should that so happen, but like I always say... ask me after #2 gets here!
I think, like a lot of the girls have said, MOST people have a number in their head that doesn't typically match the reality of their lifestyle. I think 2 will be PLENTY for us. And really, in this economic climate (and now the European banks are starting to crack), it scares the crap out of me to even think of adding more than 2 from a financial standpoint. But that is just me. I don't want to be barely providing for multiple children, when I can give 2 everything they deserve (vacations, seeing the world, life experiences, college tuition).
I think it's such a personal decision between couples. You have to be respectful of each others wishes. And I would bet most women always wonder who that number 3, 4, 5 would have been! I'm pretty sure we'll only have 2, but that doesn't keep me wondering from who #3 would've been!
Ooh, I want to talk more about this, but I'm pak and getting ready for work. We sorta agree on 3, but I'd secretly be okay with 4. DH has mentioned in the past that he might be persuaded into 4 if #3 was a boy. But then it's sort of a question of how much would 4 strain us financially, especially since DH is a SAHD. He has been not working for so long that I'm not even sure if he could get a job in his field, even though he does have a degree in mechanical engineering. It's a pretty competitive field, not a huge demand (at least around here), so who knows what kind of work he'll end up with when we do decide for him to go back. So I guess we'll see. If #3 is a girl, we're most definitely done. Of course after Cal was born, I struggled with the transition for a while (I think mostly due to BFing woes at the time though), and I was ready to be DONE then, hahah. But like Amanda said, once they're a little older and more independent, I'm ready for more, haha.
Sean Thomas - 6/30/09 @ 7:17pm 8lb 8oz, 19", 40w5d
Calvin Michael - 2/28/11 @ 7:39pm 6lb 8oz, 18", 37w5d
Nolan Matthew - 5/1/13 @ 11:54pm 6lb 4oz, 19", 38w4d
May 26, 2010 - 7w1d