Introductions****:) Everyone Please Put Your Intros Here!

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Introductions****:) Everyone Please Put Your Intros Here!

Introduce yourself here. Tell us as much as you feel comfortable telling. How did you know that you had PPD? Do you have a support system (friends and family) to rely on? What methods did you take or are you taking to recover? Anything else you'd like to share?

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Last seen: 1 year 4 months ago
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I'll go first!

I'm Margaret. I have a son, Michael who's 8.5 and a daughter, Anna who's 19.5 months. I knew that I had PPD when I was still crying all of the time at 6 weeks PP. I couldn't sleep and had incredible anxiety.

Do you have a support system (friends and family) to rely on?
I had quit my teaching job, moved away from friends and family & had a baby all in a few months. I only had my MIL and FIL to rely on (besides my DH...who really didn't have a clue about PPD.)

What methods did you take or are you taking to recover?

I started on 20 mg Prozac. I had really bad anxiety attacks from that (I think it was a side effect.) I switched to 20 mg. Paxil. Once again, I had major anxiety attacks. I stayed on Paxil and took .25mg Xanax as needed.

I slowly weaned off of the Paxil after 6 months of being on it. I currently take Xanax a few times a month to help me get to sleep.

Anything else you'd like to share?
PPD can be very isolating. I hope that you feel comfortable coming to this board to share your story and find some comfort in knowing that you are not alone.

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Hi,
Im Jennifer, 28 and a first time mom. Ive been married for 6 years now, we just celebrated our anniversary on the 18th.

I did somewhat have a support team but now with my husband working, im mostly on my own.

Amylia is my little girl, 3 1/2 weeks old now. There was meuconium in the amniotic fluid when she was born, so I didnt get to see her or hold for over an hour and a half. When she was born, i asked if it was a boy or a girl and the doctor didnt even check. They were worried about her, because her heart rate had been fluctuating so much. They finally told me I had a little girl. It was nothing like I expected. I know they say you forget the pain of labor but I didnt. I had nothing to replace the memory of the pain with. I felt overwhelmed, scared and confused. I spent hours crying for no reason. Thankfully, they diagnosed me early. The 2nd night in the hospital I had an emotional breakdown. They had to take Amylia to the nursery because I was unable to care for her. I felt like an unfit mother. Im doing better now, with medication and support from other first time moms. Im glad to know Im not the only one, that this does happen to other people. I dont talk about it to my mom, because she believes its just a lack of sleep.

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Hi there!

I'm Carolyn, wife to Chad and mom to three boys ranging from 7 1/2 yrs down to 2 1/2 years.

I knew pretty much within a month of having my last son that I had PPD. Looking back, I was probably suffering from depression before that, but I'm great at hiding my feelings.

I started on Prozac, but switched to Celexa - and I was much happier with that one.

My dh is great about helping out, but we still have lots of other stress issues that make things flare up again.

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Hi, I'm Kim-21, I'm a SAHM to Caleb- 5 months and wife to Bob-25. I just saw a dr. for the first time yesterday about dealing with my PPD.

I've been through a lot of stresses in the past year and I didnt' realize how many until my appointment yesterday. In the past 14 months I got married, got pregnant, moved to washington state, had Ges Diabetes, had a premature baby and moved back to Utah.

My dr. just started me on Zoloft and I'm really optimistic about it. I also had a blood draw yesterday and they're testing my thyroid levels, before I was pg I had hypothyroidism and my mom has it too. I haven't been able to lose any of my baby weight (I weigh the same today as I did when I had my son) so hopefully that will help with it.

so thats me in a nutshell!

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Welcome to the board, Kim! Congrats on your little boy! He's adorable! Thanks for posting!

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Somebody read this

My name is Sara and I had a boy back in Feb. I'm not sure when my PPD started. All I know is that tonight was pretty bad. Since our little one is three months old we just started tonight on a routine for bedtime. He wants to feed all the time, which is fine but I get nothing done around the house. My husband is very supportive but I have a hard time voicing what I need, mostly because I just don't know. I went in for my postpartum check-up last week. I saw a PA and I tried to talk to him about depression but he just up and prescribed Zoloft at 50mg. He didn't really talk to me about anything. It was hard enough for me to bring it all up but then he just brushed it aside. I don't know. Sometimes I'm fine. But tonight I was so tired and my husband wanted to cuddle which is great but I couldn't fall asleep so I kept changing positions. The crib is in our bedroom. The baby woke up and was hungry, by this time it's after midnight and my husband hands him over. He was so fidgety which normally isn't a problem at all. I usually just take it in stride but I was so irritated before and I was already crying and then he woke up... Needless to say, I tried to say something to my husband but I finally just got out of bed. The baby started fussing more and my husband asked what was wrong. I walked out into our living room. He couldn't get the baby to settle down. I figured baby he wasn't really that hungry when I walked out but obviously he was. I had laid down on the couch with one of his receiving blankets and tried not to cry. My hubby came out to get some formula. I tried to take the baby back but he wouldn't let me. So, I just got even more upset and I went and put some pants on and took the keys off the rack and went outside. I thought about driving but I think there was some divine intervention there. I managed to grab the keys to the minivan which was blocked in the driveway by the car. I keep feeling like my husband thinks I'm a bad mother. He's never said anything to me remotely like that though. I don't want to take the medication. The PA didn't even want to do thyroid tests but I made him. I still don't have the results. I keep meaning to call, but I've been forgetting that until it's after 4 and then it's too late. I hope that someone replies to this because it's much easier for me to write than to speak about this stuff.....

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Hi Sara,

Welcome to the board! Congratulations on your February baby. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I'm glad you found us, though. There are a lot of great women on this board & we're all going thru this yucky PPD thing together. You're not alone anymore!! :bighug:

First, I'm giving you a link to the MILLS DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY SYMPTOM-FEELING CHECKLIST
http://www.pndsa.co.za/ms-fc.htm
Go thru the checklist & print off your results. The next time you go to your doctor (and I hope you get to see your doctor next time & not that PA!), take the print out with you. Sometimes (like I think you mentioned) it's just too hard to speak, so you could either read it or just hand it over to your doctor. They can take things from there. I'd recommend doing this for your DH, too. It can help him understand what you're feeling/going thru & open up the lines of communication between the two of you. I had a very hard time talking to my DH, too. He always thought I was pouting about something & he even told me to "Grow up and snap out of it!" Eventually he realized that you can't "snap out of it" but it took awhile.

It sounds like you may be bfing? Not sure because you mentioned DH going to get a bottle of formula. How are things going? Your baby is a smart little one and can pick up on your uneasiness, so if he was fidgety when he was suppose to be nursing that time, that could be why. We have a great bfing board here, too, if you'd like to check it out:
http://www.pregnancy.org/phpBB2/viewforum.php?f=69&sid=040274cc0624d30d5d0ab5d75b6fb05d

And there's a February 2006 Birth Board that you might find helpful too
http://www.pregnancy.org/phpBB2/viewforum.php?f=574&sid=040274cc0624d30d5d0ab5d75b6fb05d
I've found that sharing info w/ other mom's that have babies the exact same age has been so helpful!

Finally, I can't stress enough how important it is for you to make that call to your doctor. If you don't feel up to it, maybe you have a friend or a relative that could? (My sister made the calls for me.) It'd be good to find out your thyroid test results and then go from there. Antidepressants aren't for everyone and there's a mom on this board who has fought PPD using natural remedies (Erika.) However, meds can really be helpful in kick starting your brain/body to get back to some kind of normalcy. If Zoloft isn't the right one, there are a lot of other ones out there. I'm not an expert but I wonder about that 50mg dose.... it seems a little high for a starting dose, but I could be wrong. When I started Paxil or Prozac I was at 20 mg. Maybe some of the other gals that are on Zoloft can chime in here & help me out! Smile

Meanwhile, come here and let us know how you're doing....or PM or email me anytime. I'm here for you and am more than happy to help you thru this. You WILL get thru this. I promise!

:bigarmhug:

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Hi Ladies,
My name is Vicki - 27 and I'm married to Garth - 35. Together we have two beautiful girls, Sasha - 1yo and Zoe - 3.5yo.
I suffered from PPD with Zoe and couldn't admit it for the longest time. Things got really bad -I lost a load of weight because I couldn't be bothered to eat, I isolated myself from people and my marriage fell apart.
I eventually started meds (I think Luvox) and I never felt 'better'. I came off meds to TTc and felt much more normal when I was pg. When I felt weird after the birth I immediately went to the Dr and was prescribed Lexapro.
I started on 5mg and quickly went to 20mg. After a trip to the Drs in which I admitted I thought I might hurt one of my children, I went to 30mg - that was my lowest moment.
I recently have started coming off the meds, I'm currently at 20mg and am hoping to go down to 10mg next week. I feel great! I am happy, very level-headed and feel calm. I never felt this good after I had Zoe and it's been a long time coming!!

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Try a different med if the one you're on isn't making you feel any better. Keep at it for long enough (It's been almost a year on meds for me) and give your body time to heal. Make changes in your life to make your life easier (occasional care for your little one/time off/dinner with DH).
It does get better!!

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My name is Carmen. I have a son who is 16 months old and another son who is 3 weeks old. I got ppd with my 1st son, but put off going on medication for several weeks, thinking it was only the baby blues. It got worse and worse every day. I finally decided to go get help after 4 weeks. They put me on luvox, and it worked after a week or so. I worried this whole 2nd pregnancy about it coming back. I felt great for the first day after delivery, then the 2nd day it hit me HARD. I was crying uncontrollably all day, felt like somebody else had taken over my mind, felt extremely paranoid about everything, and very guilty for putting my family through this again. I also felt guilty for bringing this new baby home and making my 16 month old sad. I decided about 4 days into it to get back on the luvox. The doctor doubled my dose from the last time, so that it would kick in faster. 2 weeks later I feel alot better, but I still have my really bad days, where something will trigger me, and the whole day turns into a nightmare! Last time I was able to come off my medication at 4 months so hopefully this time will be the same. I hate what this does to us.It would be nice to be able to enjoy our newborns, without this scary thing we have to deal with. It's nice to be able to come here and find other people who are dealing with the same thing, I don't feel quite as alone.

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Hi Carmen! Welcome to the board! I'm so glad you found us. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm so glad you were able to recognize the symptoms easier the 2nd time around and get on meds right away. YOU are a great Momma!!!!
Pop in and post when you can. We love newbies!
:bighug:

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Hello everyone

I'm Sue , SAHM to a 8 and half month old baby girl.
I really do not know if I have ppd , all I know is I haven't been myself for the past 8 months and its getting progressively worse. I doubt DH understand this, can't blame him coz i don't understand it myself. As for a support group, I live in a foreign country with no family around. To make matters worse , we moved to a new town, hubby got a new job, moved to a new house , had a baby all in a span of 2months. I have not taken any medication yet but have seeked counselling that helped for as long as it lasted. I expected to feel better now that baby is sleeping through the night and i have adequate rest but I am angry and confused all the time. I am hoping its a phase and i'll be myself again soon. I'm so glad i found this website.

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Hi Sue! That's great that you found this board Smile . And congratulations on your little girl.

Do you have a doctor yet where you're living? If you do, I would definitely go talk to them, and see what help they can offer. There might be some sort of PPD support group in your area. You've gone through a lot of changes, and I'm sure that's contributing to some of the emotions you're experiencing.

:bighug: KUP if you can!

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thanks for making me feel welcome. I so badly needed to belong to a place where ppl understand what i feel.

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Ok I just relized that I never posted an introduction! :oops: Anyway, better late than never I guess.

My name is Claire(23) and my Dh is Clayton(32) and our DS is James born on 6-8-06. He is the best thing that has ever happened to us. I love him with all my heart and he has made my life so much fuller since his birth. That doesn't mean I still don't have tough days. I have been battling with clinical depression since I was 15 years old. I have always been able to keep it under contol pretty well except for when I was 17.

I got pregnant when I was 16 and had a baby girl at age 17. I gave her up for adoption. It was a beautiful part of my life that I will always cherish and love. Although, she is not with me, she is where she belongs. Her family loves her just as if they had carried her for 9 months. They give her everything I couldn't at that time. The hard part about her adoption and my pregnancy is that it resulted in PPD. I don't think I could have recovered from it without the support of my family and mostly my mother.

I am now happily married and have my own new baby. I still had struggles through out this pregnancy, but was more prepared for them this time around. I have to pay attention to my feelings everyday and take care of myself, but I am happy to say that most of the time I feel like a normal, happy, healthy person. This board is a great place to come for support and I happy to be a part of it. Biggrin

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:clappy:

WELCOME!! I'm so glad you're here, Claire! (Even if it isn't under the best of circumstances, we sure can use your expertise around here!)

((((HUGS)))))

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My name is Jessica. I have two boys, Carter who is 4 and Grant who is 10 weeks old. I had severe pre-e with Carter and had to have an emergency C-sect at 35.5 weeks. He was transfered an hour away to a hospital equiped to care for premies and spent 8 days in the NICU due to premature lung disease. I was devastated and began to feel depressed however, I did not recognize that I had PPD until after the fact (more than a year later). I promised that if I felt PPD with my second DS that I would get help right away. My second pregnancy was much like my first, pre-e, C-sect and my son was delivered at 37 weeks 2 days. He too was diagnosed with premature lung disease. The day after he was born I felt it coming on, by that night I was a wreck. My baby was in the NICU down the hall and I felt like a failure as a mom. I couldn't understand why I would have 2 babies that had such a rough start when I had done everything right (vitamins, exercise, eating right). It made no sense to me that my son had premature lung disease when he was NOT premature. I felt like I was going to die, the depression was so bad that it literally hurt. When the nurses would bring in my food trays, I felt as though they had brought me poison. I didn't eat and I didn't drink. I walked back and forth from my room to the NICU and I cried. I felt like my heart was hanging outside of my body. That night when the Dr came in my DH and I talked to him and he gave me a Rx for Zoloft. It made me so sick that I was not able to take it. After 8 days in the NICU Grant was well enough to go home, I felt like I had a little more hope, I began to eat, and function somewhat more normally but it was definately still there. Last Monday my Grant was 9 weeks old and I realized that I was not being able to give 100% to my family because I am still dealing with PPD. My DH had been noticing my weepiness, my friends had noticed my withdrawal, I knew that I needed to call my Dr. I called my OB and he called in a Rx for Lexapro. After only one week, I feel like a different person. I had done my best to convince myself that I could handle it. Afterall I have a strong faith in God a good family, essentially a perfect life. But I realized that God gives us comfort and help through Dr's, medications, and the support of family.

Sorry this is so long, I would never normally tell people so much...

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Welcome, Jessica. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm so glad the Lexapro is helping you. You are a remarkable woman to have gone thru virtually the same thing twice. I truly believe that a strong faith is very helpful in situations like this...but sometimes, like you said, God gives us comfort and help thru Dr.'s, medications and support of family. Very beautifully said!

Please feel free to post on the board and KUP on your recovery.

Congrats on little Grant! I hope Carter is a big help with him!
:bighug:

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Hi everyone, I'm Melissa, and I'm 23. I had my son Noah (our first) on 8/4/06. He was born by C/S 4 weeks early, because I was getting very sick from gallstones, and my doctor thought it was in the best interest of me AND the baby to take him early rather than risk infection of me and him. He was born at 6 pounds 1/2 oz, but was very sick. I got to see him for about a minute after he came out, they didn't even put him on my belly. Then, they took him straight to the nursery and I went to recovery. My hubby went to the nursery with him and took pics and brought them back to me, but then Noah went into the NICU because was having trouble breathing. I wasn't able to get out of bed to see him at all until almost 24 hours later, and he was in an isolette and hooked up to a ton of machines/IV's. That first night, before I'd even gotten to see him, I had really horrible panic attacks and couldn't stop crying, I just felt like his condition was all my fault because it had been our decision to take him early. Noah was in the NICU for 10 days - I got to touch him hand on day two, and hold him on day 4 and feed him on day 6 (pumped b/m from a bottle). When he came home and my husband went back to work, I started having severe anxiety/depression. The breastfeeding and pumping only added to it. Finally I saw my doctor last week and, without even asking me what my symptoms were, he prescribed Zoloft. I have been on meds for depression since I was about 16, so I guess he didn't think anything had changed.. My insurance wouldn't cover the Zoloft so I went back on Lexapro and Xanax, which I was on before I got PG. But, because of those meds, I had to stop b/f, which I think is a blessing for me because it was one of the major triggers for me, I'm not sure why.. So, Noah has been on formula only for about 5 days now and I'm starting to finally feel a little normal. I still have no appetite, and have a hard time sleeping, and find that I have to take Xanax almost every day. I don't know if I necessarily have PPD, or just plain ol' depression and anxiety... but I'm hoping to find a lot of support on the board!

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Hi Melissa! WELCOME!

I think you'll find that there's a great group of ladies here & they really have some good advice. It's interesting to me that Bfing seemed to be a trigger for you..... It was for me, too, however, everyone that I mentioned it to, thought it was very strange because when you bf, your body releases natural anti-depressants (can't remember exactly what it's called) that's supposed to make you feel really good.

I always ended up bawling my eyes out whenever I breastfed, & I never really knew exactly why.

For you, maybe it was just causing too much anxiety?? Were you still having to pump?

Congrats on little Noah. Please KUP on his progress and yours.

:bighug:

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Hi everyone!

My name is Valerie, and I have one son, Carter. He is now 3 weeks old, and I am still experiencing depression and crying spells. My DH had spent the 1st 2 weeks at home with us, and just returned to work about week ago. I think I am overwhelmed being by myself all day with the baby, who I love with all my heart. I have battled depression off and on my whole life, but never took meds for it. Being by myself indoors all day has always been a trigger for me. Now that I have the baby, I rarely get out, which makes the pp depression worse. I am hoping to get over this without meds since I am BF'ing. So, hopefully I can find some comfort with this board. I am also going to try and get myself into a routine, so that I actually get a few things accomplished in a day. Hopefully that will help too!! :?

I look forward to messaging w/all of you! Thanks for listening!

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Hi Valerie! Welcome to the board! I'm so glad you've found us. Thank you for sharing your story. Congrats on little Carter!!!

I remember when my DH went back to work. It was so hard for me, too. I didn't know what I was going to do w/ this little baby all day long.

You sound really, really positive, though. Having a routine is a really good idea. I did that, too. I even typed up a schedule for me (although I didn't stick to it...) it gave me something to do!

I hope you stick around and KUP on your recovery.
:bighug:

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Hi all,

I am the mother of an almost 8 year old son, a 7 year old step daughter and an almost 6 year old daughter and am now pregnant with my new husband and my first child together. I had been suffering from depression since I was a child but had never really known I was til I started councelling after the birth of my little ones. I suffered Post Partum Psychosis with my son and PPD with my daughter. I trialled alot of different meds before we found one that worked without making me want to sleep all the time when I first discovered the Psychosis. I had terrible nightmares about people breaking in to our home and hurting my son and us. I had fears about my son being with anyone but me... even my mum taking him out for a walk for 10 minutes would send me into a panic attack. I constantly cleaned and scrubbed everything from the house to my hands and I had hallucinations of blood on the walls of my home. I cried all the time and screamed and often would try to pull the hair out of my head with the panic attacks I experienced. My little gentleman was almost 5 months old before I spoke to anyone about the horrible things I was feeling. The community nurses told me to speak to my doctor who had already let her suspitions be known to my mother. MY dr was very happy when I came in to see her. She put me on meds... Cipramil I think it was called, and I went to see a Psychiatrist who diagnosed PP Psychosis. It was a long time before I started to really improve but was set back by moving a 2.5 hour drive away from anyone I knew with my ex husband's work. I had been off the meds for only a short time when I fell pregnant with my little girl and the pregnancy was fear filled of it all happening again. I knew something wasn't right 2 weeks after I gave birth to her and told someone right away. I started on Zoloft and I think it was Zyprexa for anxiety and sleeping problems.
Unfortunately the years of depression wore my marriage down and my ex and I divorced, but we remain great friends having gone through just so much together.
Now I am 10 weeks pregnant with my third baby and both my new hubbie and me look forward to meeting this little bundle but are both very worried that I will become depressed again. Only time will tell I guess, but having gone through it twice before I hope if it happens I will be experienced enough to know what to do.

I'm happy to answer any questions I can.

Sorry about the novel :raspberry:

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Greetings Biggrin

How did you know that you had PPD? I've been lurking here for ages because I think I've known since Peyton was born that I was struggling with many of the symptoms. I haven't yet been 'diagnosed', but can tick off many of the things on the list--insomnia, lack of motivation, withdrawl from potential support (and more!)... Four months later, I'm ready to admit this is awfully long for the baby blues.

Do you have a support system (friends and family) to rely on? I have the most amazing husband on the planet. He is my partner in everything, my best friend and my love. I have many friends and family, but they are either physically far away or I don't feel the emotional closeness with them that would permit me to ask for their support. Bruce is my primary souce of daily emotional support and my mom visits from Texas about once a month.

What methods did you take or are you taking to recover? Well, I've been awake so many nights trying to understand the source of my feelings and sadness. I've found a great deal of value in the stillness of the night, but I know I can't go on like this forever. I will be contacting our insurance to see about the possibility of some counseling and making an appointment with my PCP. I am mostly bfing, so I'm looking for natural and lifestyle changes to begin with.

Anything else you'd like to share? Yep, but that's good for now Biggrin

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Welcome to the board, Marissa! Congratulations on baby Peyton. What a cutie!

I'm so glad you came out of "Lurksville" to join us. Yes, 4 months is too long for the Baby Blues. Good for you for being on top of that and ready to check in w/ your PCP. Our insurance company covered my counseling but make sure the clinic or wherever you go "codes" it right...some things are covered and others aren't and it seems to depend on how the clinic codes it sometimes....??

I'm so glad you have that kind of a relationship w/ your DH. He sounds like a dream. No wonder you've made it this far w/ potentially PPD....you have a wonderful support system.

You talked about trying to make it thru this naturally... there are a few of us who are trying to do the same thing, which, I'm sure you've noticed from reading our posts. Please feel free to pop right in and post whenever you feel like it.
We'll help you out as much as we can and maybe you can give us some help too! Wink

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Ohh Marissa!! (((Hugs))) A book I really liked, and that was recomended to me by Erika (ErikaArcher) when I first came to this board was A Natural Guide to Pregnancy & Postpartum Health by Dean Raffelock and Robert Rountree - I go to it all the time, even now, for bits and peices of information.

It was hard for me to find when I first bought it, none of the libraries had it, or even my local B&N but they put in an order for me and if you do it through their store, they don't charge shipping which is great.

I also just recently saw it advertised at the bottom of PO's main bb page, imagine that! LOL

Anyhow - sorry you've been dealing with this Sad I too am so glad you've come out of lurkdom!

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Hi:) I'm Danielle ("Dani"), a WAHM, I will be 25 later this month, married to Ben (28) and we just had our first child, Isabella Grace, on July 15th.

I have battled depression and anxiety most of my life and finally got diagnosed when I was 18 and was put on meds.

How did you know that you had PPD?
Have not had a diagnosis but will be talking to my doctor about it on the 15th. It has been different than any other episode of depression in my past. It wasn't blaringly obvious because my "normal" bouts of depression are deep and dark and extreme. This hasn't been-I actually have good days, I just get frustrated VERY easily and am very anxious.

Do you have a support system (friends and family) to rely on?
I have an amazing husband that I share everything with and that has been soooo incredibly supportive.

What methods did you take or are you taking to recover?
I'm going to discuss it with my doctor on the 15th. Working on having more adult interaction, and learn to rely on my DH more. "I do NOT have to be super mom/wife"

Anything else you'd like to share?
go see my story post-I shared alot:)

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Hi there! My name is Amy, my DH is Sean, and we have a little boy named Ian (aka Buddha-man). We got pregnant after only being together for a month(stupid condom), got married when I was eight months preggo, and finally moved out on our own in August.

How did you know that you had PPD? I started to realize although I was trying really hard to stay in coontrol of myself, it wasn't working. I knew it was no longer baby blues, as it got worse and worse over the months and nothing i was trying was working enough.

Do you have a support system (friends and family) to rely on? Sort of, only on the phone. My family lives in California, where as i live in Maryland and his family wouldn't really understand. Everything is perfect for them :roll:

What methods did you take or are you taking to recover? I'm trying therapy, writing, diet and exercise. It's just not enough, that's all. I keep trying it though, with hopes that I will feel normal again.

Anything else you'd like to share? I wish none of us had to be here, but am glad to know that there are others here I can talk to. :bigarmhug:

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Glad you found us, Amy. Jump right in & join the discussions! Smile

:bighug:

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Hey, I'm Jamie. I'm 21 and DH is 25. I've battled depression and bipolar since I was a teen. We have 3 sons. When I was pregnant with my first, I developed Pre-eclampsia and had to be induced at 35/36 weeks. I suffered from PPD in silence because I had no idea I had it. I got pregnant with DS2 only 5 months after our first was born. I was not prepared. (BCP failed). I had no issues during that pregnancy but had some PPD folowing. 9 months later, once again I was unexpectedly pregnant. It was a healthy pregnancy until week 29. I developed Pre-E and was admitted for observation. I got better and was to be sent home after 3 days. After being told that, Brayden had different plans. I suffered placental abruption and had fetal heart decels. So I was rushed in for an emergency c-section. 3 days later I was finally able to see my poor baby. I knew right away I had PPD. I denied it like crazy but it was there. Brayden came home after 70 days in the NICU. I am still having a very hard time now. I believe that ordeal added fuel to the fire for sure!

How did you know that you had PPD? I wanted to deny the fact that I had a new baby, I cried all of the time. (Even when he had good days in the NICU). I still push my kids away and can't handle it.

Do you have a support system (friends and family) to rely on? I have been in and out of counseling, my family understands to an extent.

What methods did you take or are you taking to recover? I am on antidepressants, I journal

Anything else you'd like to share?
I am thankful for being told to visit this board and hope to find comfort here!!

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Welcome to the board! Please stick around and make yourself comfy!

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surviving pregnancy #2 with depression

It is so good that there is a place for women with depression to open up, because i have really learned, no one can truly understand it unless they've had it. About me, been married 3 years, have a 19 mo old gorgeous girl and am 32 weeks pregnant with a boy. From week 3 or 4 of 1st pregnancy, i started to feel odd, and by week 7 i felt incapacitated. I felt like i would zone out and not be excited about baby or have what they call' dark thoughts' or 'be better off thoughts' out of the blue. I was put on zoloft, which numbed be somewhat to the overwhelming sadness, but didn't really help. After baby came, i was fine for about 2 months, then hit rock bottom, and had dark thoughts like an unstoppable movie playing in my head and didn't want to eat and just wanted to be alone, didn't shower or feel any joy really. By month post partum 4 i knew i needed to try a different medication as i was near suicidal, because my thoughts were about me and never feeling better and hopeless. I had a doc put me on effexor which gave me severe anxiety attacks,weight gain, for months. Now i am happily and thankfully on lexapro and it worked within 2 weeks, just needed to up the dose once. This pregnancy has been so much better and different in every way, but as i am in my 3rd trimester, i feel the depression looming here and there. We are military, have little to no support for what we went thru as a family-his family actually turned a deaf ear when i spoke up, and his sister in law is actually a psychologist! There is such a stigma with 'mental illness' and people don't understand, and it hurts. I learned not to feel ashamed or like a 'bad mom', a person can have a mental imbalance due to their hormones and major life change and have no control just like a person would get a physical illness.I did the therapy thing, and after awhile nixed it because i didn't feel it helped to keep talking about my 'past', etc, but it did help to get it all out to a degree. Now if i have depression moments/days, i am greatful they are not lasting weeks/months and know they'll pass. I also,like some other posters, had the bf'ing thing where it made me feel worse, i had a MAJOR high during and after, then would crash. So this time around i am going with the bottle.Am looking forward to new baby and if i need the help, i will hire someone, ask a friend, do th epart time daycare thing for big sister as family are not, or do not, want to be around. I learned alot about people thru all of this, and how alot want to be your family in 'good times' and ignore you during bad, and it has made me stronger. I feel for all the women going thru this to any degree, hang in there. Sorry such a long post and take care of yourself.

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Hi there, thanks for sharing your story with us. It sounds like you've had some tough times. It really stinks that you don't have family to rely on during those tough times. I hope that you have some good friends to surround yourself w/ this time around. A support system is so key. I'm glad the Lexapro seems to be working this time around, too. Please KUP on how things are going.

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Hi, sorry, I posted my intro seperatly before I saw this. I feel like a fraud beause im so recovered finally. Im really here to try and share my experience and talk about it because Ive never had an outlet where I can talk freely without being made to feel stupid or like an attention seeker. My dh is wonderful but he admits to not understanding. Its cathartic for me i suppose

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Welcome to the board! You are beautiful & so is your family! WOW!

Please feel free to jump in on any thread & offer your advice. We love to hear PPD Survival Stories and I bet you could offer us a lot of good advice.

I'm so glad you're feeling better! I have a DH that had no clue about PPD either. He was totally unsupportive until I almost had a nervous breakdown. He kind of "gets it" now...but not to the point that I need him to.

Anyways, make yourself at home here.

:bighug:

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Men

Thanks! On the subject of dh's I think they try to hide how hard it is for them. They cant help you so they try to ignore it. My husband used to get so angry at me when I cried for hours at night and after he calmed down felt so ashamed of himself. He wants to understand but I think men think and feel in a totally different way. I would hate to generalise but men do tend to see things in a slightly more black and white way and really want us to try and snap out of it and come round. Of course we know it just doesnt work that way. My dh admits to feeling embarrassed by my crying and uncomfortable. Also he resents my outbursts and automatically defends himself at my critisism. And why wouldnt he? Men see a different but equally painful side to PPD. Its hard for them too. God bless them!!!!

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Hi my name is Laura. I am 37 and my DH is 37 also. My DS is 3.5 months old. I have suffered from depression since I was 18, but only started on therapy and Zoloft about 3 years ago. I suffered from a lot of depression during my pregnancy, but after I had DS it was wonderful and I have never been so happy and content. BFing and holding DS has made me the happiest of my life. I was able to stay home for 11 weeks, but when I had to go back to work I really got depressed. DS is either with my mom or DH but I just feel like I am missing out on so much. I am resentful towards my DH that he is home with DS 3 days a week and I am not. I am also resentful that he doesn't make enough money for me to stay home (not fair, I know). I got a little better but then being home over Christmas break and having to go back to work again has been really rough. I feel like I am crashing. I am totally depressed and feel horrible about myself. I have also gone back to counting--something that lets me know (once I realizeit) that things are getting really bad.

How did you know that you had PPD?
I don't know if it is really PPD or my "usual" depression and anxiety. Would PPD start at 3 months? That is what I am really wondering.

Do you have a support system (friends and family) to rely on? I have my parents nearby but I can't really talk to them about it. I am an only child so I don't have any siblings to turn to. I have a few friends but more just acquaintances. DH just tries to ignore what is going on or just tries to make a joke out of how I am feeling. I feel lonely and isolated. If I didn't have my Sept. mommies board, I don't know what I would do.

What methods did you take or are you taking to recover? I am on Zoloft and I missed (totally forgot) my appt. last month with my psych., so I need to reschedule.

Anything else you'd like to share?
I think I have written enough--I hope to find more help and support here. Thanks for reading if you made it this far!

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Hi Laura! Welcome to the board! (I got married in July 2003, too!)

I'm so sorry you're feeling yucky again. I feel the exact same way about returning to work after being home @ Christmas. It's been tough & I can feel my depression sneaking back... I have to force myself to get going in the AMs.

As to your question about having PPD after 3 months PP.... yes, that can happen. In fact I've heard that PPD can sneak up even a year after giving birth. The thing that may have triggered it is having to return to work. That seems to be the source of your anxiety/PPD.

Also... you mentioned starting to count again. Do you have a history of OCD? We have a separate thread on OCD at the top of the board, there may be some helpful resources in there. There are 2 women on this board that I know of for sure w/ OCD & anxiety.

Please feel free to come here & post, vent or respond to posts. I'm glad you're here.

Oh, my DH was not so good about being supportive when I had PPD. If your DH is a reader, there's a good book out there for husbands called, "The Postpartum Husband: Practical Solutions for Living with Postpartum Depression." By Karen Kleiman

It's a really quick read (about an hour or so) and uses pretty common language to explain how husbands can help their wives thru this time.

One last thing, when you meet w/ your doc next time, you might want to ask about upping your dose. It seems like if you were doing ok on Zoloft & now feel like you're crashing...you might need to increase the dosage.

KUP on how things go.

:bighug:

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My name is Marla and I'm 27 yrs Old. My Husband Gerry & I have been married 2.5 yrs. We had our beautiful daughter, Marissa on May 23, 2006. I had a great pregnancy. No complications. I had bouts of sadness here & there and some anxiety. Towards the end of my pg I began to worry about ppd. I just prayed & hoped I didn't experience it. I had a rough delivery...24hr labor (3 hrs pushing). I lost a lot of blood and I was given a blood transfussion the following day. I was having horrible headaches and felt very weak. Due to that I was unable to bf. I had high expectations for myself once I came home with my baby. I wanted to bf, but I was in no way able to and I was disappointed in myself. I was afraid of being home all day alone with my baby and at about 2wks pp the extreme crying began. I had panic attacks and I felt alone and guilty for feeling that way. At my 6wk pp check up my OB noticed the signs...I began sobbing in her office. She prescribed prozac 10mg and I took the meds for 2 months. I felt 100% better, but I made the mistake of stopping cold turkey. I though I could get through it on my own and now I've realised I can't. I need help because I'm feeling sad and lonely all over again. I'm starting my meds all over and I'm also seeing a therapist . I hope I can get some support & advice here. It's so nice to know I'm not alone.

How did you know that you had PPD? I would cry & cry all day. I felt lonely and guilty.

Do you have a support system (friends and family) to rely on? My husband & mom are my support system.... & now this board

What methods did you take or are you taking to
recover? Prozac 10mg. & talking to a therapist.

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Wow!! I just looked into this board really closely tonight, and realized that I SOOOO very much fit in here! I never realized before how much anxiety goes along with the PPD, and even OCD--which I think I have. It's such a HUGE relief to me to find a place where I can relate!!! I'm going to share my story:

I was newly diagnosed with PPD after my first child, Daniel, who is now 2 yrs. old. I remember feeling panicked about being left alone at home with him one night when my husband went out to a concert that he'd been wanting to go to very much and had a ticket to for a long time. My mom had been there during the day to help out, and clean, and cook, etc. My son was just a week or two old. My mom agreed to stay a while longer, due to how anxious and stressed out I felt about being left alone. She later told me that she thought I had been acting strangely, straightening the placemats on the kitchen table, kind of obsessively. I think I've always had some degree of depression and anxiety, but pregnancy and postpartum conditions just aggravated those feelings and behaviors tenfold!!
Later, on a different night--I got really upset at my husband because he was playing X-box with our nephews in the famiy room downstairs, and they were being rather noisy. I am paranoid, and again, maybe obsessed with keeping things quiet when my kids are trying to sleep. I can hardly tolerate the slightest noises. I used to not be able to sleep, myself, before I was married, when I had roommates who were up watching TV, when I was trying to sleep--even if they kept the volume way down low. If I could hear it at ALL, it bugged me way bad!
Anyway.....that evening, I remember carrying the baby downstairs, and basically telling DH that I needed him to take the boys home. He didn't want to, to which I replied that I would then leave, and take the baby with me. I went back upstairs, and he came up, kind of mad. I remember sitting on the bed, and crying uncontrollably.......just sobbing my guts out, even holding the baby. DH took the baby from me, and held him. He was really worried. I know he took my nephews home at some point, although I can't remember when or how, now. I remember that he called the on-call OB Dr. for me, and they prescribed a hormone patch of estrogen, which didn't help at all. I talked DH into taking me to my parents' house and staying there that night. That was the only thing that helped at the moment. It was weird 'cause I felt fine once we got there. Then, later at home, my symptoms got worse again. To make a long story short, I went on Zoloft, but I didn't ever understand until just yesterday when I went to a different Dr., the importance of staying on it for 6 to 8 months, or even longer--he explained how the medicine actually helps rebuild neurotransmitters in the brainstem, etc. that can stay permanently rebuilt, etc. if you stay on the meds long enough, but if you don't, then they can "die" again, and you can have a relapse. That was the gist of it, anyway. So, anyway, I was on a low dose of Zoloft, and I didn't think it helped my anxiety, although it did help the depression. Then, with my daughter, I went on it again. With neither child, did I stay on it long enough though! I kept forgetting to take it, after a while, and so I just stopped. I have been educated a lot better now. I just had a horrible flare-up about a week ago, and ended up in the ER, with DH, and our kids shipped off to my SIL's house. I was out of control emotionally. Now that I know more about my problem, I'm sure I can get a better handle on it. I'm on Prozac this time....although it may be that I could have just taken a higher dose of Zoloft, but I didn't know that until now, and too many Dr.'s that I've seen don't seem to have a clue, either. But I found one today that helped....and really explained things that made sense. So I have a lot more hope about things getting better, now. That, and I'm trying to take better care of myself. I'm thankful too, for a husband who is being so supportive, and learning about all this with me. He's been a tremendous help lately. Sorry this is so long!!

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Hey Katie! Welcome to the board! I can defiantely relate to the feelings that you described, PPD is a terrible issue to have to deal with. I hope that you can find this board to be resourceful and an avenue to vent your frustrations or share your progress. We are all here for you!

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Hi Katie! Welcome to the board! Thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm glad you found us. Please feel free to jump right in & post away.

I hope that Prozac kicks in and you start to feel better soon. I didn't realize the importance of staying on meds for 6-12 months either.... and stopped at 6 months. I most likely should've stayed on Paxil longer, however, I'm managing.

I'm so glad your DH is supportive. That makes all the difference in the world. I can also relate to the feeling you must've felt when you went to your parent's home. I remember feeling better when I went back "home," too. It was like everything would be ok.... (only it wasn't.)

Hang in there & please KUP on your journey.

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Thanks for the welcomes. I'll probably post a bit now and then.....

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Hi, my name is Margaret and husband is Sean, we live in Edmonton, Alberta (Canada). I am 37 and Sean is 31.
We have a beautiful little boy, Robbie, who is 18 months. Sean and I both work doing onphone technical support for a major computer company. Sean and I both suffer from depression.

I have PCOS and was supposed to have a hard time conceiving. After being on Metformin for a year we started to try. Four months later I was pregnant. I had morning sickness but loved being pregnant until.... at 24 weeks I developed gall stones and my beautiful boy used my gall bladder as a soccer ball. Sad I was hospitalized for pain management 5 times and off work on short-term disability. My last hospitalization I went in at 34 weeks, I told my OB to induce now or I was staying at the hospital until I gave birth. After a biophysical he decided to let my little guy gain some more weight. So I waited 2 weeks in the mat ward, I was getting to know the nurses very well. Finally my doctor started the induction, got to 2cms, next day restart the induction, still at 2 cms. The 3rd morning nothing had changed, they broke my water and put me on pitocin, once contractions started they put in the epideral as they wanted to speed up my labour. At 10 pm nothing had changed and the OB said she was going to order a c-section if nothing changed by midnight. By 11 pm I was at 10 cm and pushing. Robbie was making progress but not fast enough for the doctor, using forcepts Robbie was born at 00:25 June 26, 2005. Robbie was immedately rushed to the NICU, my husband followed. He was born with his cord wrapped around his neck twice and they had to ressistate him. He was 4lbs 12oz at birth. And absolutely everything was perfect, he was a healthy baby.

How did you know that you had PPD? I figure that I had PPD while I was pregnant. Actually, even before I was pregnant I was depressed and on meds. My doctors and DH were watching for signs and figured I was fully PPD by 4 weeks post partum.

Do you have a support system (friends and family) to rely on? I have online friends that are supportive. My family lives 2000 miles away from me and I do not associate with my MIL. I do have some friends who keep asking what they could do to help me and I really have no idea.

What methods did you take or are you taking to recover? I took 40mg of prozac during my pregnancy, 4 weeks PP that upped to 60mg which is what I am currently on, wellbutrin was added about a year ago and as I started crashing down that was upped. Right now I am waiting for an appointment with a shrink. I returned to work when Robbie was 7 months (we have 12 month maternity leave) thinking it might help. Right now I am on short-term disability. I am receiving counselling.

Anything else you'd like to share? Didn't I write enough? ROFL Actually, my DH was diagnosed with severe depression this week and is now also on short-term disability.

If you got thru everything thanks for reading.

Margaret

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Hi Margaret! (I love your name! Wink ) We're the same age, too!

Sounds like your little boy is a miracle baby! Smile Congrats! You sure went thru a lot! I'm so glad you found us and I'm hoping that you start feeling better soon. I'm so sorry that your DH has been diagnosed w/ depression, too. I hope that you stick around and KUP on how you're both doing.

~Margaret

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"NorthernMamaof2" wrote:

Hi Margaret! (I love your name! Wink ) We're the same age, too!

Sounds like your little boy is a miracle baby! Smile Congrats!
~Margaret

LOL about the name, at least you can spell it correctly. One of my SIL comes up with really unique spellings trying to spell Margaret correctly Lol

Robbie is a miracle, I got my BFP the day before seeing my feritlity doc to start clomid. I am also so lucky to have the husband I have, he is such a great support.

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"robbiesmom" wrote:

I am also so lucky to have the husband I have, he is such a great support.

That can make ALL the difference in the world! I'm so happy for you! What a wonderful guy.

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Finally introducing myself

Hi, my name is Kim, and I am a 36 year old first time mom. I adore my 9.5 month old son, Noah, and I have an extremely supportive and patient husband, Darren. I had a great pregnancy and a planned natural childbirth. Even still, I have PPD.

I should have known something was amiss when I would have thoughts in my mind like "I hate my life" and "I've ruined my life" during those first 6 weeks. I was more than overwhelmed, I was drowning... It was so so very hard for me, but I thought it was that hard for every mom. I now know that it is a different level of hard for the PPD mom. While my other mommy friends popped out of their baby blues and right into enjoying mommyhood, I was still a mess and in survival mode Sad

I remember people asking me "don't you just LOOOOVE being a mom?" And all I could say is "I love Noah, but I don't love being a mom yet". I said that for the first few months, and still can't say that I am fully loving being a mom still at 9.5 months.

I was diagnosed with PPD at 5 months and took zoloft from oct - december only to have it give me really long crazy dreams that caused me to wake up exhausted. So I weaned off of zoloft and began my search for an experienced Psychologist. I have recently found one who specializes in PPD and have just started taking Wellbutrin through a psychiatrist who also speciallizes in PPD.

This time has been the most isolating and darkest time I have experienced to date. And it is so very sad that it is happening at the same time my little boy is growing up... Only those who have this illness "get it" and those that think they get it but really don't get on my nerves... "oh Kim all mom's feel guilt, all mom's feel overwhelmed, etc. etc." I guarantee if they walked in my shoes with the subtle dread that met me every morning they would have to agree that it is NOT the same.

I went from being a strong, competent, capable pastor to a broken, weak, incompetent (in my mind), mess... Only my faith has given me hope as I know that when we feel broken down, God will be there to build us up. Because I am in ministry I will have a platform to help as many other women through this as I can once I get through it. For someone who has never struggled with depression, this thing has rocked my world. Negative, depressed and angry were words I would never attribute to myself until now.

anyhow, I'm writing a novel! basically I'm fighting this thing and I"m glad to find support here online Smile Thanks for listening...

Kim
oh, stats
Married to Darren since 7/03
Noah born 5/06
http://baby.kimanddarren.com./

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Kim, welcome to the board! (Officially!)

You are so right about everything you posted. Nobody "gets it" unless they've been there. PPD rocked my world more than my mom dying. That's what threw me off even more...(how could I get thru the death of a parent and be so shook by the birth of my daughter) but it turned out to be all relative.

I'm so glad you're here & I hope you continue to post. I love reading your poetry & the thoughts that you post. You have a lot to say, and you say it so well.

:bighug:

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Hi my name is Tina. I am a SAHM to Kaya (3) and Aubrey (8mos). I was diagnosed with slight PPD back the end of January. I knew I was overwhelmed with taking care of 2 children, but somedays it was just too much. I would just break down and cry. It all really started to show when my youngest turned 3 months old.

I finally went to my Dr. and got bloodwork to rule out other causes and that all came back just fine. After talking to my husband about what was going on I realized that it had been going on a lot longer.

I found out my depression started back before my daughter was born. I was placed on bedrest for 13 weeks prior to the birth of my daughter. And after her birth is when everything just came in at me. I am doing much better now, one reason that I decided to talk about how I was feeling. I realized that keeping my feelings to myself is what caused me to get worse.

Do you have a support system (friends and family) to rely on? All of my immediate family live in different states, so they are only available to rely on by phone. I am part of a playgroup, but have never became really close with any one person.

What methods did you take or are you taking to recover?
My diagnosis was slight to moderate so I opted to do therapy for now. It has been working and I get better everyday. Don't get me wrong I have some down days, but it usually is not for the entire day as soon as I talk about how I feel.

Anything else you'd like to share? Just that we are all wonderful mothers. Smile

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Last seen: 1 year 4 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Hey Tina! Welcome to the board. You sure have a couple of cuties there! Wow!

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm glad you're getting help & are beginning to feel better. Please feel free to pop in & post anytime. We are here to support each other.

:bighug:

~Margaret

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