Welcome to the board! Please stick around and make yourself comfy!
It is so good that there is a place for women with depression to open up, because i have really learned, no one can truly understand it unless they've had it. About me, been married 3 years, have a 19 mo old gorgeous girl and am 32 weeks pregnant with a boy. From week 3 or 4 of 1st pregnancy, i started to feel odd, and by week 7 i felt incapacitated. I felt like i would zone out and not be excited about baby or have what they call' dark thoughts' or 'be better off thoughts' out of the blue. I was put on zoloft, which numbed be somewhat to the overwhelming sadness, but didn't really help. After baby came, i was fine for about 2 months, then hit rock bottom, and had dark thoughts like an unstoppable movie playing in my head and didn't want to eat and just wanted to be alone, didn't shower or feel any joy really. By month post partum 4 i knew i needed to try a different medication as i was near suicidal, because my thoughts were about me and never feeling better and hopeless. I had a doc put me on effexor which gave me severe anxiety attacks,weight gain, for months. Now i am happily and thankfully on lexapro and it worked within 2 weeks, just needed to up the dose once. This pregnancy has been so much better and different in every way, but as i am in my 3rd trimester, i feel the depression looming here and there. We are military, have little to no support for what we went thru as a family-his family actually turned a deaf ear when i spoke up, and his sister in law is actually a psychologist! There is such a stigma with 'mental illness' and people don't understand, and it hurts. I learned not to feel ashamed or like a 'bad mom', a person can have a mental imbalance due to their hormones and major life change and have no control just like a person would get a physical illness.I did the therapy thing, and after awhile nixed it because i didn't feel it helped to keep talking about my 'past', etc, but it did help to get it all out to a degree. Now if i have depression moments/days, i am greatful they are not lasting weeks/months and know they'll pass. I also,like some other posters, had the bf'ing thing where it made me feel worse, i had a MAJOR high during and after, then would crash. So this time around i am going with the bottle.Am looking forward to new baby and if i need the help, i will hire someone, ask a friend, do th epart time daycare thing for big sister as family are not, or do not, want to be around. I learned alot about people thru all of this, and how alot want to be your family in 'good times' and ignore you during bad, and it has made me stronger. I feel for all the women going thru this to any degree, hang in there. Sorry such a long post and take care of yourself.
Hi there, thanks for sharing your story with us. It sounds like you've had some tough times. It really stinks that you don't have family to rely on during those tough times. I hope that you have some good friends to surround yourself w/ this time around. A support system is so key. I'm glad the Lexapro seems to be working this time around, too. Please KUP on how things are going.
Hi, sorry, I posted my intro seperatly before I saw this. I feel like a fraud beause im so recovered finally. Im really here to try and share my experience and talk about it because Ive never had an outlet where I can talk freely without being made to feel stupid or like an attention seeker. My dh is wonderful but he admits to not understanding. Its cathartic for me i suppose
Anna (30) Paul (28.) Serena (10) Jude (5) and Bump AKA "Tenacious D" (EDD 7 June 2012)
Welcome to the board! You are beautiful & so is your family! WOW!
Please feel free to jump in on any thread & offer your advice. We love to hear PPD Survival Stories and I bet you could offer us a lot of good advice.
I'm so glad you're feeling better! I have a DH that had no clue about PPD either. He was totally unsupportive until I almost had a nervous breakdown. He kind of "gets it" now...but not to the point that I need him to.
Anyways, make yourself at home here.
Thanks! On the subject of dh's I think they try to hide how hard it is for them. They cant help you so they try to ignore it. My husband used to get so angry at me when I cried for hours at night and after he calmed down felt so ashamed of himself. He wants to understand but I think men think and feel in a totally different way. I would hate to generalise but men do tend to see things in a slightly more black and white way and really want us to try and snap out of it and come round. Of course we know it just doesnt work that way. My dh admits to feeling embarrassed by my crying and uncomfortable. Also he resents my outbursts and automatically defends himself at my critisism. And why wouldnt he? Men see a different but equally painful side to PPD. Its hard for them too. God bless them!!!!
Anna (30) Paul (28.) Serena (10) Jude (5) and Bump AKA "Tenacious D" (EDD 7 June 2012)
Hi my name is Laura. I am 37 and my DH is 37 also. My DS is 3.5 months old. I have suffered from depression since I was 18, but only started on therapy and Zoloft about 3 years ago. I suffered from a lot of depression during my pregnancy, but after I had DS it was wonderful and I have never been so happy and content. BFing and holding DS has made me the happiest of my life. I was able to stay home for 11 weeks, but when I had to go back to work I really got depressed. DS is either with my mom or DH but I just feel like I am missing out on so much. I am resentful towards my DH that he is home with DS 3 days a week and I am not. I am also resentful that he doesn't make enough money for me to stay home (not fair, I know). I got a little better but then being home over Christmas break and having to go back to work again has been really rough. I feel like I am crashing. I am totally depressed and feel horrible about myself. I have also gone back to counting--something that lets me know (once I realizeit) that things are getting really bad.
How did you know that you had PPD? I don't know if it is really PPD or my "usual" depression and anxiety. Would PPD start at 3 months? That is what I am really wondering.
Do you have a support system (friends and family) to rely on? I have my parents nearby but I can't really talk to them about it. I am an only child so I don't have any siblings to turn to. I have a few friends but more just acquaintances. DH just tries to ignore what is going on or just tries to make a joke out of how I am feeling. I feel lonely and isolated. If I didn't have my Sept. mommies board, I don't know what I would do.
What methods did you take or are you taking to recover? I am on Zoloft and I missed (totally forgot) my appt. last month with my psych., so I need to reschedule.
Anything else you'd like to share? I think I have written enough--I hope to find more help and support here. Thanks for reading if you made it this far!
Hi Laura! Welcome to the board! (I got married in July 2003, too!)
I'm so sorry you're feeling yucky again. I feel the exact same way about returning to work after being home @ Christmas. It's been tough & I can feel my depression sneaking back... I have to force myself to get going in the AMs.
As to your question about having PPD after 3 months PP.... yes, that can happen. In fact I've heard that PPD can sneak up even a year after giving birth. The thing that may have triggered it is having to return to work. That seems to be the source of your anxiety/PPD.
Also... you mentioned starting to count again. Do you have a history of OCD? We have a separate thread on OCD at the top of the board, there may be some helpful resources in there. There are 2 women on this board that I know of for sure w/ OCD & anxiety.
Please feel free to come here & post, vent or respond to posts. I'm glad you're here.
Oh, my DH was not so good about being supportive when I had PPD. If your DH is a reader, there's a good book out there for husbands called, "The Postpartum Husband: Practical Solutions for Living with Postpartum Depression." By Karen Kleiman
It's a really quick read (about an hour or so) and uses pretty common language to explain how husbands can help their wives thru this time.
One last thing, when you meet w/ your doc next time, you might want to ask about upping your dose. It seems like if you were doing ok on Zoloft & now feel like you're crashing...you might need to increase the dosage.
KUP on how things go.
My name is Marla and I'm 27 yrs Old. My Husband Gerry & I have been married 2.5 yrs. We had our beautiful daughter, Marissa on May 23, 2006. I had a great pregnancy. No complications. I had bouts of sadness here & there and some anxiety. Towards the end of my pg I began to worry about ppd. I just prayed & hoped I didn't experience it. I had a rough delivery...24hr labor (3 hrs pushing). I lost a lot of blood and I was given a blood transfussion the following day. I was having horrible headaches and felt very weak. Due to that I was unable to bf. I had high expectations for myself once I came home with my baby. I wanted to bf, but I was in no way able to and I was disappointed in myself. I was afraid of being home all day alone with my baby and at about 2wks pp the extreme crying began. I had panic attacks and I felt alone and guilty for feeling that way. At my 6wk pp check up my OB noticed the signs...I began sobbing in her office. She prescribed prozac 10mg and I took the meds for 2 months. I felt 100% better, but I made the mistake of stopping cold turkey. I though I could get through it on my own and now I've realised I can't. I need help because I'm feeling sad and lonely all over again. I'm starting my meds all over and I'm also seeing a therapist . I hope I can get some support & advice here. It's so nice to know I'm not alone.
How did you know that you had PPD? I would cry & cry all day. I felt lonely and guilty.
Do you have a support system (friends and family) to rely on? My husband & mom are my support system.... & now this board
What methods did you take or are you taking to
recover? Prozac 10mg. & talking to a therapist.
Wow!! I just looked into this board really closely tonight, and realized that I SOOOO very much fit in here! I never realized before how much anxiety goes along with the PPD, and even OCD--which I think I have. It's such a HUGE relief to me to find a place where I can relate!!! I'm going to share my story:
I was newly diagnosed with PPD after my first child, Daniel, who is now 2 yrs. old. I remember feeling panicked about being left alone at home with him one night when my husband went out to a concert that he'd been wanting to go to very much and had a ticket to for a long time. My mom had been there during the day to help out, and clean, and cook, etc. My son was just a week or two old. My mom agreed to stay a while longer, due to how anxious and stressed out I felt about being left alone. She later told me that she thought I had been acting strangely, straightening the placemats on the kitchen table, kind of obsessively. I think I've always had some degree of depression and anxiety, but pregnancy and postpartum conditions just aggravated those feelings and behaviors tenfold!!
Later, on a different night--I got really upset at my husband because he was playing X-box with our nephews in the famiy room downstairs, and they were being rather noisy. I am paranoid, and again, maybe obsessed with keeping things quiet when my kids are trying to sleep. I can hardly tolerate the slightest noises. I used to not be able to sleep, myself, before I was married, when I had roommates who were up watching TV, when I was trying to sleep--even if they kept the volume way down low. If I could hear it at ALL, it bugged me way bad!
Anyway.....that evening, I remember carrying the baby downstairs, and basically telling DH that I needed him to take the boys home. He didn't want to, to which I replied that I would then leave, and take the baby with me. I went back upstairs, and he came up, kind of mad. I remember sitting on the bed, and crying uncontrollably.......just sobbing my guts out, even holding the baby. DH took the baby from me, and held him. He was really worried. I know he took my nephews home at some point, although I can't remember when or how, now. I remember that he called the on-call OB Dr. for me, and they prescribed a hormone patch of estrogen, which didn't help at all. I talked DH into taking me to my parents' house and staying there that night. That was the only thing that helped at the moment. It was weird 'cause I felt fine once we got there. Then, later at home, my symptoms got worse again. To make a long story short, I went on Zoloft, but I didn't ever understand until just yesterday when I went to a different Dr., the importance of staying on it for 6 to 8 months, or even longer--he explained how the medicine actually helps rebuild neurotransmitters in the brainstem, etc. that can stay permanently rebuilt, etc. if you stay on the meds long enough, but if you don't, then they can "die" again, and you can have a relapse. That was the gist of it, anyway. So, anyway, I was on a low dose of Zoloft, and I didn't think it helped my anxiety, although it did help the depression. Then, with my daughter, I went on it again. With neither child, did I stay on it long enough though! I kept forgetting to take it, after a while, and so I just stopped. I have been educated a lot better now. I just had a horrible flare-up about a week ago, and ended up in the ER, with DH, and our kids shipped off to my SIL's house. I was out of control emotionally. Now that I know more about my problem, I'm sure I can get a better handle on it. I'm on Prozac this time....although it may be that I could have just taken a higher dose of Zoloft, but I didn't know that until now, and too many Dr.'s that I've seen don't seem to have a clue, either. But I found one today that helped....and really explained things that made sense. So I have a lot more hope about things getting better, now. That, and I'm trying to take better care of myself. I'm thankful too, for a husband who is being so supportive, and learning about all this with me. He's been a tremendous help lately. Sorry this is so long!!