Hi, Im Andrea. I have a daughter Madison who is 7, and two sons, Xander who is almost 15 months and Owynn who is almost 4 months. I thought I might have had PPD after my 6 week appointment when I seemed to cry about almost anything. I procrastinated about going to the doctor about it because I was hoping it would get better on its own. I still cant sleep and I seem to still be very parinoid about lost of stuff.
Do you have a support system (friends and family) to rely on?
I moved about 8 hours away from my family and friends about a month after I had my son Xander. I also found out soon after I moved that I was pregnant again. My DH has family in the city we are living in however none of them talk to us anymore.
What methods did you take or are you taking to recover?
I started on meds a few weeks ago, but they dont seem to be working so I will be going back to see the doc this next week.
Anything else you'd like to share?
I dont have any friends where I am living now so I feel like I really dont have anyone to turn to when I need someone to talk to. My DH works all day so I really feel alone the majority of the time because once he gets home he wants time alone to just relax after work.
Hello...my name is Jennifer. DH and I have been married since October 28, 2006. DJ was born December 3, 2007 (EDD 1-16-0, 6 weeks early. He has severe reflux and is on a home monitor for apnea. We still don't know why I went into labor early...it was all natural. No C-section and no doctor interventions. He was ready to come for some reason.
How did you know that you had PPD? I knew I had PPD when my son would cry in his crib to be changed and fed and I just wanted to run and hide and cry.
Do you have a support system (friends and family) to rely on? I have a wonderful husband and immediate family nearby that are amazing with being supportive. However, I think the feelings I am having with PPD are too much for them.
Anything else you'd like to share? Dietrich James "DJ" is our first child. Having a baby is not like I thought it was going to be. Perhaps that's the PPD talking...but I imagined smiles and cuddling and cooing after feedings. I didn't imagine the diapers, crabby feedings, puking, hiccups (not good when your child has severe reflux), severe reflux (has to sleep in danny sling at 45 degree angle), medications, home monitors...etc. However, on top of all of that...even thought most days I want to crawl in a hole and cry...I wouldn't trade him for the world.
Hello ladies. It is so nice to have a place to come to to relate our experiences and help one another with this debilitating illness.
My name is Heather. I have an almost 3 year old daughter that was the light of my life from the second I knew I was pregnant. The entire pregnancy was a dream for me. I loved every second of it. My doctor knew me well and knew that my disposition was very happy and easy going and I am sure she appreciated that. When I was pregnant, I was THE happiest I had ever been in my life. I ate healthy, took care of myself, the whole nine yards. I hardly ever fought with my husband, which is rare for me, and he will even attest to that. When my daughter was born, it was almost an immediate feeling of losing something that I would never have again. They placed her in my arms and I remember feeling overwhelmed and scared and like I had made a mistake...literally an hour after her delivery she started crying and because the L&D ward was SO busy, nobody had taken her down to the nursery yet or me to a PP room. My husband had to go find someone and figure out how to get ahold of a pacifiar because she was screaming her head off. When he left the room I just remember feeling panicked and as if this was all wrong. I knew babies cried, don't get me wrong, but I remember feeling as if maybe I wasnot going to be able to handle this whole motherhood thing...and then the dreadful "too late" feeling came into play. They finally took her to the nursery and I remember feeling sad and not wanting to let my baby girl go...that was a good sign to me, that maybe all those emotions right after delivery were being caused by hormones or something. I got into my room and just could not wait until they brought her to me again. My husband must have paced those hall ways a million times before they finally brought her to us. My mom was there by that time, my mother in law, and some friends and a coworker. Everyone oohd and aahd over her like I expected...but the whole time I just kept thinking to myself, when would she go back to the nursery?
I was released from the hospital and after numerous failed attempts at breast feeding had decided to just bottle feed from there on out. I was really bummed about this and just could not let go of the BF issue, and made a mental note to try try try again when we got home. The weeks that followed were terrible for me. She wanted nobody but me to hold her, and yet I did not want to hold her. Anyone that asked, stranger, did not matter who, could hold her so long as she was away from ME. I felt disconnected with her, like she was not mine. Nights were the worst. She cried, screamed non stop. Colic made it rough on all three of us. My husband tried his hardest to console her but a lot of the time all that she wanted was me...and never him. I would sit in the bathtub with the water running, draining it ever so often because I didnt want the sound of the water to ever stop. It drowned out her screams and I could not bare to hear them. We lived in a TINY one bedroom apartment so there was no escaping her screams of pain. It wasnt until we switched to Dr. Brown bottles that her colic went away and she started sleeping through the night at about 4.5 weeks. Around that time I noticed a little bit of a change in me. I did not hate motherhood so much, maybe the lack of sleep played a big roll in the worst of my PPD but there were going to be bad times that followed. To this day, I still struggle with severe bouts of depression but have been informally told that I am bi-polar. It has been a roller coaster ride, but my life has always been that way. With a previous suicide attempt at 18 and alcohol addiction in college, I almost expected this to happen. My doctor noticed an immediate change in me at my 5 week check up...so she gave me a Rx for zoloft...my anxiety has never stopped since I was staring at my positive pregnancy test results...but here again, anxiety has been something ive suffered with since I was very young.
All in all, I feel like I have made lots of good leaps and bounds since that dark time however, I still have my ups and downs that are mentally and physically exhausting. I just take it one day at a time though and hope that it someday will get easier to deal with. I am not on any meds right now, insurance doesnt cover it, but I hope to maybe one day be able to get myself stablized with some medication.
I do not plan on having another child any time soon. In fact, the idea scares me more than anything else right now. I could not handle another infant at this point...maybe never again. I think about adoption all the time though, perhaps adopting an older toddler some day in the near future can happen, but who knows.
Hi my name is Jenn, I'm 29 years old and I just had my 4th child 2 weeks ago.
How did you know that you had PPD? Well I'm bipolar anyways but my depression has gotten 10 times worse since I've had the baby I cry all the time I don't want to be around anyone and I'd rather stay in bed all day then do anything.
Do you have a support system (friends and family) to rely on? My parents aren't much support with my depression my mom drives me crazy, but DH is pretty supportive he has a tough time sometimes but he tries.
What methods did you take or are you taking to recover? I was told to go back on my meds which are geodon 20 mg, lamactil 100mg and prozac 20mg, but I'm trying not to take them and deal with things on my own because the meds make me sleepy and I can't function.
Hi, I'm Ariana. My baby just turned 4 months yesterday, and I finally "came out of the closet" about having ppd. I've battled depression on and off my whole life, sometimes with meds, sometimes without. I had been doing really well the past couple years, until I got pregnant. I wanted to be pg, but I was really stressed out, and stress always brings on my depression. I had a great birth. It was a planned homebirth with great support and went smoothly. I figured because I got the birth experience I wanted, I wouldn't get ppd, right? Well, I never fell in love with my baby. I thought maybe it would just take a few days. Then maybe it would just take a few weeks. When it didn't, I started to get upset and worried. A teeny voice in my head said "ppd?" but when I mentioned my bonding issues with my husband, he said it was completely normal and it just took time to build a relationship, that's all. I wanted to believe him, so I left it at that.
Things did start to get better after a month or so. I was enjoying G more, but I still couldn't really say that I loved him. He still didn't really feel like my son, just some baby that I had to take care of. But I did the best I could anyway.
Well, fast forward a couple of months. G is still waking 3,4, sometimes 5 times a night, so I'm exhausted. The house always seems to be a mess. Money is tight. There is constance criticism from family regarding our parenting choices (I'm a big APer, my mom is, shall we say, old school). All the usual baby stuff, I suppose. I was starting to get really down. I felt miserable and negative all the time. I tried asking DH for more support and help a few times, but I guess I didn't really know what I needed, so he didn't know what to do.
The past week I've started having insomnia on top of it all. So now not only is the baby still waking every 2 hours, but I can't sleep once he goes back to sleep.
Yesterday I wanted nothing to do with the baby. I fed him when he needed to be fed, but passed him off to his father or ignored him the rest of the time. I knew that it wasn't fair to G, but I didn't really care. That's when I realized I need to get help.
I did a lot of web searching on ppd yesterday and conspicuously left the browser up so that DH would see. He did, and we talked about it and how I'm feeling. I'm going to make an appointment to see my dr soon. I know I need something now, but I don't want to be on meds forever. So I'm going to talk to her about doing a combo of supplements and meds, with the hopes that the supplements will keep me going so that I can get off the meds sooner.
Well here I am... let's get this ball a rollin shall we?
How did you know that you had PPD? Well ever since I've had my daughter I never really felt a bond with her.. I've been forcing myself to have one..and it comes and goes..When she wakes up in the mornings..I puke.....because I know My day has started. I just..I don't know...I had a wonderful pregnancy...I was close to her in the womb...then she's here..and well I can't wait to get a babysitter...I pray for her to go to sleep...and frankly I don't want to live that..I want to enjoy every moment..I want to smile and laugh..and well..be a good mom..
Do you have a support system (friends and family) to rely on? Well my husband..that kinda comes and goes though..sometimes he's like sympathic to me..and the other times he tells me I'm a bad mom....My mom..is really the only person that I can talk to. and My MIL will help me if she's not busy.
What methods did you take or are you taking to recover? Well I just now went to see someone about this...I have no idea why i waited so long. and They started me on Paxil
Anything else you'd like to share? not really.. I mean.. I have starla...it wasn't like I thought it was going to be... It's not all been bad... But I think she deserves a better me..
Your daughter needs YOU! I have been there and know PPD sucks! I know you have started medication and it is the first thing in feeling better. Your feelings are common for someone with PPD and it does not mean you are a bad person. Hang in there as it DOES get better. PM me if you want to talk.
Hi! My name is Emily and I have a beautiful little girl named Lyla who was born in January.
I know I have PPD because I never feel like myself. People tell me I am a good mom, but I don't feel like it. Before being pregnant I was a confident, fun loving, hard working woman. Now I am a wreck. I have no confidence in myself or my body. I started crying just reading everyone else's intros.
I have a support system that it great, but I feel like they don't understand what I am feeling at all. They tell me a lot that I am doing a great job as a mom and try to help me by keeping me occupied with activities and telling me geed things, but I just don't feel like they really get it.
So far I have talked with my OB who recommended group therapy sessions. Who can go to group therapy at 10am on a weekday? Do people not have jobs? Having had depression while in college I recognize what's going on and want to start meds but I'm scared to see someone. It makes me feel like even more of a failure.
I want to be healthy. I want to be a good mom. I know I need to take care of myself, but I feel hopeless about making any kind of change in my life. I feel like all I do it work, take care of the baby and eat (WAY more than I should). Hopefully being part of this board will help me better cope with all of this and get back the me I really miss.