You're so sweet to write back. Thank you...I am reading Imp of the Mind and so far, it (along with your message) has been very helpful. I, think, I am even feeling better. It's so important for us- people- to support each other! I have talked to my husband and he knows I am suffering, somewhat, but cannot bring myself to even voice the obsessive thoughts to him (let alone myself). Please keep in touch and thank you again....
ugh! Once again I am really late in responding, I am so sorry! Once again I hope you see this, I'm thinking of you!
How wonderful that the book is helping you, it really is a good book. I found a lot of comfort in it, even though it did trigger my OCD sometimes.
It is *so* hard to be open about your thoughts, it took me until I was ohh I'd say 9-12months pp to even speak about them outloud & even then I wasn't completley open, I"d hint to what I was thinking, or I'd lightly brush upon them but as I did this I slowly worked my way to being able to *really* talk about it, now I can sometimes, I've told my current midwife, my husband and a few close family/friends. I still have weird ones creep up, but now that I know what they are, and thanks to books like Imp of the Mind they are *much* easier to handle.
Please keep checking in!! I'll keep an eye on this thread & mark it, so that I get notified when someone posts, that way I don't take so long to respond
I'm also just a PM away if you ever need anything.
I wanted to give a bit of an update to this thread. I have recently started a program called Attacking Anxiety & Depression by Lucinda Bassett. I'm a week into the program and it's a 15wk program, so far it has been very eye opening & for the first time, I feel like I will be able to REALLY overcome the struggle with my pure-o OCD as well as anxiety. I'll also be seeing a very experienced shrink (30+yrs experience, and a professor at our local University). He has recently discovered some therapy techniques that have proven successful with this particular form of OCD. If anyone is interested I'll share my experience as I go through it Good luck to those struggling with this, this IS something you can overcome, it IS a temporary condition & does not have to be apart of your life for the rest of your life. Keep the hope & stay strong mama's!
I was doing a search through the internet to see if any other mommy's deal with OCD. I have felt all alone for many years...trying to deal with this illness (mostly) on my own. You would never believe it, but I am a counselor and I feel like I should have things under control!! My OCD really acts up when I am pregnant. I am currently almost 11 weeks pg and the OCD is rearing its ugly head back into my life. I really appreciate the posts and honesty that I have read from all of you because I am terrified to talk about it. We lost our precious little boy in 2005 when he rejected a bowel transplant at 13 months. Since that horrible experience and having a miscarriage several years ago, the OCD likes to make me feel that I am constantly going to "accidentally" do something that might harm my baby in some shape or form. I don't know if any of you have issues with what you eat, drink, thinking that there is something in the food/drink that is harmful for the baby... Or, checking toilet paper every time you go to the bathroom to make sure you aren't bleeding, or fearing that at the next dr. appt, there will be something really wrong.... These are some of the fears that overtake my mind on a daily basis. I have done some counseling in the past during pregnancy and have taken an anti-depressant to help. I also have a very supportive husband who reassures me that my irrational thoughts are irrational and that everything will be o.k. I have NO idea how he has such Faith in me, but he does for some reason or another. I am sure he must think that I have really lost it...but he does try to help. I am not sure if this is a specific type of OCD or what! But, I really would love to have some support from others and even be a supportive friend, too! I appreciate you all reading this and hope you have a great rest of the weekend.
I am so glad you have found us, but also so very sorry that you are struggling with this. I am also sorry to hear about the loss of your son and the miscarriage, I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for you. With all of the hormonal changes going on during pregnancy & postpartum it seems to be a really common time for us moms to struggle. This is something I can relate to as well.
The very fact that you are worried something might happen is a good indication that it more than likely wont happen! I know that that sounds silly but it's true.
In everything that I have read & studied, and come to realize about myself as I've tried to learn about OCD (and it's many sisters) is that it's all about control or lack there of - chances are you know this being a counselor - and going through what your went through with your son & your m/c is one of those things that you had no control over so being prone to OCD it makes a lot of sense that it would flare up, especially now that you are newly pregnant again. Be gentle with yourself! You've been through a lot. I think the biggest thing I want to share with you is that your going to be okay! This isn't something you have to live with for the rest of your life, you truly do have the ability to overcome this (sound cheesy & silly I know, but it's true). There was a point in my life when I could not imagine a day without anxiety, or being able to go even a single hour with the horrible thoughts popping up - but I can say now it really can & does happen.
In talking with many others who have struggled with this I have found that different things work for different people. For me it was a combination of all sorts of things - learning how I think, how I talk to myself & what the chatter is in the back of my head (the one I don't typically pay attention to) has been my biggest struggle & really is the root cause of OCD. Something I found REALLY interesting as I began learning about OCD & CBT (which is truly what healed me) And you may already know this - is you can not have an emotion without first having a thought. When I was first told this I thought it was stupid & couldn't possibly be true. Then I put it to the test & was shocked to find how true it is! Once you have that thought no matter how simple or unconcious that thought is a chemical reaction occurs in the body & then begins the OCD cycle.
I'm so glad your husband has such faith in you, and has been so supportive. I don't know what I would of done without mine, he was truly my rock as I went through the OCD/panic attack/insomnia cycles. With the counseling that you have done, was it CBT or just "talking about" the problem? Typical counseling actually made things worse for me & the anti-depressants didn't work either. Something else that I found interesting is that the FDA will not approve an anti-depressant unless it works as good as CBT - when I realized this I began digging around & learning about CBT & in doing so eventually found Lucinda Bassetts program, journaling (heavily) I always say journaling educates the conscience, what I ate & how I took care of myself is what eventually pulled me out of it.
I am very passionate about this subject & my heart goes out to those who struggle with this. I feel like I've bounced around a bit but hope that I was able to help a little & also hope that you come back to say hello to us In reading back my last post here was three years ago!!! lol Three years! A LOT has happened since then - At the end of the day it wasn't the counselors who helped me or healed me, it was ME who helped me and healed me. Knowing that OCD is about control, that really did bring me comfort to know that it was ME who had control over ME and no one else. Which meant that I could either continue to live with OCD as my conjoined twin, or I could cut her off of me & finally be free. Lucinda's program was truly my anchor & mentor as I learned about who I was, how I got to where I was with the OCD/Panic attacks/self talk & as I learned about that I began learning about other areas of my life - the branches of knowledge continued to grow & grow & as crazy odd as this may sound I could actually feel my mind getting stronger - and that's really amazing thing to experience. I have been panic attack free for just over 2 years now. There were many times where even reading an OCD help book scared me, or going to lucinda bassetts website forums to talk to others - I couldn't go there for the longest of time b/c EVERYTHING I read freaked me out. However, slowly (at times very slowly) I began moving just a little, then crawling just a little & eventually I learned how to run again.
Take hope in the fact that this doesn't have to last forever, that you really can heal from this & one day you'll look back & be thankful (I know don't hit me, I wanted to hit the person who said it to me too) for the experiences you have had with OCD & all that accompanies it. One day, before you know it you'll be talking to someone who needs your help & you'll be able to because you've overcome it.
Thank you so much, Julia! I appreciate your encouragement. It means a lot to me. I will look into Lucinda's program. It may lead to a breakthrough. It is so nice having someone believe in my potential of healing. These thoughts are annoying and really dominating. I do think it is about control... you made a good point with that! I will let you know how things come along and "when" I figure out how to get out of this OCD trap. Thank you so much, again, for reaching out to me.
I have a problem with my OCD even more now that I have Ivybeth. Things just have to be done the way I like them done so I hate having other people help me do things. When it comes to her, sometimes when she doesn't want to adhere to her normal schedule, it sets me into a tizzy.