:grouphug: Welcome to Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support :grouphug:
I am sorry you have had to come here and if the world was a perfect place there would be no need for this board at all. If you have suffered a pregnancy or infant loss you can be sure that you will find this board to be a wonderful support at such a terrible time. It's by sharing or simply lurking here that members find a way to work through their grief and hopefully move on to one of the other boards designed for those who have suffered a loss:
In addition to the board-specific guidelines listed below we would also like you to read the general community guidelines.
Please read our Community Guidelines Now
Sometimes it can be difficult to come to this site after a loss, especially since it's primary focus is pregnancy and parenting. This is why the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support board can play a vital role in your recovery. We maintain an 'oasis' of sorts, where you can come and be sure that you aren't going to stumble across something that may upset you.
Certain things such as pregnancy announcements, ultrasound pictures and pictures of babies etc. may be hard to deal with at this time and this is understandable. For this reason we have developed a set of guidelines to follow when using this board to ensure that everyone feels most comfortable here.
Post Headers (Advance Warning)
As it states at the top of the board, loss is a sensitive subject and out of respect for those who have endured a loss, we would like all users to use the following notations when mentioning specific topics in their posts.
PG MENT: I am Pregnant After a Loss or Pregnancy Mentioned
TTC MENT: Trying to Conceive Mentioned
CHILD MENT [COLOR=black]or L/C MENT[/COLOR]: Living Child(ren) Mentioned
If you are posting a new thread you can put these notations into the title. If you need to use them within another thread please make them bold, large or otherwise easily noticable at the top of your post.
Signature & Avatar Guidelines
This is of paramount importance. It is essential that you read the quote from Missy below and understand why we do not allow signatures on this board. Even those signatures with no 'sensitive' material in them must be removed for the reasons outlined below.
If you leave your signature on any posts it will be removed. If it is left on a few times you will be contacted by a mod and asked to observe the guidelines and remove it. This is for the comfort of all members.
I posted this on the poll thread regarding signatures but felt it was significant enough that it should be posted to everyone's attention. Effective immediately we do request that signatures are not posted on this board at this time. Let's see how things go and reevaluate as needed in the future. Those signatures that are posted from this point forward will be removed.
Read on below for a more in-depth explanation:
LOSS - TTC - PREG - CHILD Mentioned
I had a wonderful post written out earlier today -- took me over an hour to compose -- of course with about a million interruptions. Go to hit submit and my lovely computer froze... again... ARGH!! :banghead: Now is the first time that I have had to get back to it again.
Ok -- First I want to thank all of you for taking the time to express your feelings. This is a large reason why I was anxious to *hear* your input. We take each and every one of your thoughts into consideration as we make our decisions. As we serve as a support community, and never more so than here on this board, that does not always mean that majority rules. Instead, our attempt is to remain focused on the board and it's purpose in serving the community.
I think that what makes this particular board different is that it can be seen as a *haven* of sorts. There is no way, IRL, we can avoid those things that we find painful or hurtful. When you have suffered a loss it can often feel as if the number of women around you that are pregnant or have recently had a baby must have multiplied 10 times over. Certainly, throughout this site would be no different -- we are afterall a "Pregnancy" related community and many of you found your way here when you first were researching pregnancy.
Here, though, it is my opinion that we offer an escape. Surely, there are days that we are feeling *stronger* and those posts about "PG MENT" are ones that we open eagerly. There are though some days when those walls of emotion come tumbling back in. Speaking personally it could be often triggered about anniversary dates of the loss(es) or edd's that weren't fulfilled. Other times it could be triggered by something as simple as a commercial with a child the same age as one of my losses or a song on the radio. The healing process is ongoing... and cycling in and out of those stages is normal.
What I am thinking of is how we can respect those that are having a tough time some days, but... at the same time allow members to continue to build their signature with the ability to have their TTC journey, u/s, losses, pregnancy news, and children all within it. Someone pointed out that signatures change often. When they do, they do automatically update throughout the site. Posts here stay here longer than on some boards and while a signature may be ok today, when updated it may include pregnancy news, etc. That said it is my opinion that our best bet is to simply disallow signatures completely on this board and instead stay focused on the support given and shared.
Briefly, let me clarify a couple of things:
- No, we will not ever ask for usernames to be changed.
- Yes, we still would ask that if you post here regularly that you do choose an avatar that keeps the sensitivities of the board in mind.
- We do not have the ability to turn off the signature feature for one board only. If you use the quick reply option you must manually uncheck the option for your signature to be included.
- Yes, since this is a place where many of you do grow close, we hope that you will continue to post threads concerning your pregnancy, ttc, and children. We do ask that you continue to designate them appropriately (as you have been).
- An FYI -- Did you know that we do also have these boards available for you: TTC after a Loss, Pregnancy after a Loss, and Parenting after a Loss.
- Suggestion for the board: I realize that we currently have a thread dedicated to our stories and another for pictures. Why not start a "Memorial Tributes" thread? Here you could share those wonderful angel signatures that you have... or perhaps offer a poem or special remembrance dedicated to your loss. I would further suggest that you also send these to be included in our Pregnancy.org Memorial Wall and allow it to become a permanent fixture of the site.
My personal wish is that this was never a question.. that there was no need for this board to even exist. Still, I could never be more proud of the type of support that exists here. I don't believe that anyone else could truly understand just how significant hearing the words I'm sorry can be. Regardless of our personal journeys towards a path of healing doing it surrounded by those that care and understand truly makes a difference.
If you have any questions or concerns please let me know.
Since Missy posted the above statement several members have expressed the desire to be able to show their name, counter boxes, poems etc. within their posts so that they can perhaps indicate the type of loss they have suffered and also when this loss occured.
For this reason we have come up with a way of being able to post a "fake" signature. The instructions are as follows:
:question: How do i make a "fake" siggy?
When you make or reply to a post there is an option on both the quick reply posting box and the normal reply posting bit where the box is ticked next to 'Attach signature'. You just need to remember to untick that box each time you post.
This will remove your signature, so if you still want to display your counter box and website link etc. that usually show up in your siggy you can create a "fake" signature. To do this...
1. Go to your profile by clicking the link at the top of the page, highlight the text within your signature box and copy (ctrl and c).
2. Open a text application (Notepad is a good one because Word tends to take longer to open) and paste the signature text into it (ctrl and v). You might find it easier to wrap the text (go to Format and make sure there is a tick next to 'word wrap')
3. Remove any text that relates to a charting or pregnancy ticker or baby picture etc.
4. Save this file somewhere that is easy to access like your desktop.
5. When you make or reply to a post uncheck the 'Attach Signature' option as normal.
6. Copy and paste the text from your Notepad file into the main body of your post.
Et voila! You should now have something that resembles a signature without actually being one. :thumbsup:
The beauty of doing this means that you can express yourself and others can see relevant information about you and your loss without using a signature and risking upsetting someone at a later date when it might change to include a pregnancy ticker or a baby picture.
Co-Host of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support
Avatars cannot be removed in the same way that signatures can. Missy had the following to say about them:
Yes, we still would ask that if you post here regularly that you do choose an avatar that keeps the sensitivities of the board in mind.
Keeping the sensitivities of the board in mind, would, to me, mean that perhaps a baby or belly picture (or something similar) in your avatar isn't appropriate. By instead putting some pictures in the angel pics thread our members can choose to look at them when they are ready.
There is a weekly chat event hosted by Bunniemunch in the Grief & Loss Room. The chat is called Pregnancy and Infant Loss and is held every Tuesday at noon EST.
The Dealing With Depression chat is held every Wednesday night at 8pm EST
Here is a transcript of a previous chat with Jill Chasse relating to healing after a loss: A Path To Healing After Loss
Any further applicable chat events will be posted on the board as they crop up.
Pregnancy.org Memorial Wall
At Pregnancy.org, we recognize the many emotions that one goes through when experiencing a loss. There are those of anger, bewilderment, and tremendous sorrow. There are those of pain -- that deep in the pit of your stomach kind; those that leave you longing to be numb.
Everyone copes differently after experiencing a loss. Some wish to talk and share with anyone that will listen while others clam up tight. Neither way is necessarily *wrong*. Whatever you are comfortable with is fine.
A source of healing for many however is to find a way to pay tribute to the one they love. (Note that I did say and mean the present tense. Love never dies.) Pregnancy.org is pleased to now offer you a way to express your remembrance.
Our Memorial Wall is open to all of our members. Whether your loss is of a pregnancy, an infant, a family member, or close personal friend, you are welcome to honor them here.
For those with pregnancy losses, from personal experience, you may wish to name your little one and include that with your post if you would like.
We hope that you will find this a source of healing, comfort, and peace. If you have any questions please email me at [EMAILfirstname.lastname@example.org]email@example.com[/EMAIL]
:angel7: Grief Resources :angel7:
:angel7: Books & Publications
There is a list of books and publications relating to pregnancy and infant loss here
Pregnancy.org's own grief and loss resources
:angel7: Websites dealing with Pregnancy & Infant Loss
www.stillnomore.org - Stamp out Sudden Ante-natal Death Syndrome. The official site of The National Stillbirth Society.
www.missfoundation.org - The MISS Foundation is a volunteer based organization committed to providing crisis support and long term aid to families after the death of a child from any cause. MISS also participates in legislative and advocacy issues, community engagement and volunteerism, and culturally competent, multidisciplinary, education opportunities.
www.empty-cradles.com - Parents who have lived through miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss.
www.preeclampsia.org - The Preeclampsia Foundation is a non profit organization dedicated to funding research, raising public awareness and providing support and eduction for those whose lives have been touched by preeclampsia and other hypertensive disorders of pregnancy.
www.compassionatefriends.org - The mission of The Compassionate Friends is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age and to provide information to help others be supportive.
www.stillbirthalliance.org - The International Stillbirth Alliance (ISA), a non-profit coalition of organizations founded by stillbirth parents, is dedicated to understanding the causes and prevention of stillbirth.
www.firstcandle.org - If you are seeking the most current information on infant health and safety or you have experienced the death of a precious baby to SIDS, stillbirth or other cause of infant death.
www.silentgrief.com - Support for all who have suffered miscarriage and later child loss.
www.griefwatch.com - The Grief Watch site was created to provide you with bereavement resources, memorial products and links that can help you through your personal loss. It also serves as an excellent educational tool for all who travel down the road of grief.
www.amothersgrief.com - Helping you grieve the loss of your baby.
www.nationalshareoffice.com - The mission of Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support, Inc. is to serve those whose lives are touched by the tragic death of a baby through early pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or in the first few months of life.
www.october15th.com - The Official Site of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
www.griefwarehouse.org - Funny name, but a serious subject. Our pages are designed for parents who are coping with the death of their child. Our goal is to be a warehouse of information and personal experience - a place you can come, gather ideas, and share what has worked for you. Through our sharing, we will develop new ways of coping and remembering.
www.uk-sands.org - UK Stillbirth & Neo-natal Death Support. Sands is working to support bereaved parents and families, and to press for improvements in care during pregnancy and when a baby has died.
www.richremembrances.com/child_memorial.html - Child memorials.
www.rememberingyourbaby.com/index.htm - An unofficial guide to scrapbooking for bereaved parents.
www.aplacetoremember.com - Uplifting support materials and resources for those who have been touched by a crisis in pregnancy or the death of a baby.
www.alivealone.org - An organization for educational and charitable purposes, to benefit bereaved parents whose only child or all children are deceased by providing a self-help network and publications to promote communication and healing.
www.agast.org - Originally started as a SIDS grandparent support group, this non profit organization is now dedicated to assisting all grandparents when a grandchild dies
www.amendgroup.org - Offers a free counseling service to parents who have experienced the loss of an infant through miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death. The main purpose of AMEND is to offer support and encouragement to parents having a normal grief reaction to the loss of their baby.
www.sids.org - Dedicated to the prevention of sudden infant death and the promotion of infant health through an aggressive, comprehensive nationwide program of research, clinical services, education, and support
www.counselingforloss.com - Through articles and inspirational writings, learn how to cope with grief and loss. Share your feelings in online personal journals, memorial tributes, chat room. Weekly column by licensed clinical counselor. Book recommendations. Focus on helping children cope. Resource organization list
www.honoredbabies.org - A place where mothers whose babies have died (miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, neonatal death, infancy death, and/or pregnancy termination) can add their babies to an Online Memorial, join an Online Support Group Email List (there's also one for Grandmothers), and submit their "entire story" for book publication. Also offered is a Resource Center and Keepsakes.
www.mend.org - A Christian not-for-profit corporation whose purpose is to reach out to those who have lost a child due to miscarriage, stillbirth or early infant death and offer a way to share experiences and information through meetings, the bi-monthly newsletter, and our Internet web site.
:angel7: Men Coping With Grief
:angel7: Bereavement Photography & Portraiture
www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org - Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep
www.portraitsbydana.com/memorials.html - Hand drawn portraits from a picture you have.
:angel7: Miscarriage/Infant Loss Memorial Jewelry and/or keepsakes, memorial boxes.
www.shininglightfund.org - The Shining Light Fund's mission is to honor these families and remember their children. Through this website and our Mother's Bracelet program, we offer acknowledgment, compassion, and understanding.
www.october15th.wahmweb.biz/store/Default.asp - Mostly items for Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month.
www.myforeverchild.com/store - Child loss keepsakes.
www.oneheartstudio.com - Keepsake boxes.
www.thecomfortcompany.net - Comfort and sympathy gifts and memory items.