I know a lady on another board who recently delivered her baby who had died in utero. I feel kind of close to her because she once was my secret sister. I would like to send something to her because I am thinking of her and her family but I don't want to send the wrong thing. Are flowers ok? Or should I wait until the funeral to send them? Or should I just send a card? I really want to support her I just don't want to say or do the wrong thing. Thank you.
Flowers are great to send, but if she's anything like me she'll have loads of them. Cards are great and it's something you can keep hold of and read again when you're not so upset. We got a lot of cards and kept them with the box we brought home from the hospital with Zanes hair and footprints and stuff in. They're nice to read every now and again.
Just dont offer any platitudes like "Everything happens for a reason" or "God never gives you more than you can handle" because that kind of stuff you dont want to hear when your baby has died cause you're like okay, so why did God kill my baby and what reason is good enough for him to die?
The very best thing you can do is gently let her know that you are thinking of her, say you are sorry and you are there if she needs you. That's all you can do.
My sis lost her baby at 15 weeks, I found a necklace online and had Bryce's name engraved on it, it had tiny tiny footprints and came with an amazing poem she carries in her wallet.....just a suggestion....
Also, a big thing for her when she lost Bryce was that after a week or so everyone acted like it had never happened, no more cards, phone calls, pm's, etc and I know that continued, consistent encouragement like that would have been nice to her......
I was going to ask that, if something with the baby's name was appropriate or not. Like a stuffed animal or something. The baby had a unique name so I don't think I will find it. I will have to get something personalized. Thanks for the other tips.
My birth board (Sept 06) -BLESS THEIR HEARTS-- sent me a teddy bear while I was in the hospital. I am telling you that bear means more to me than anything. It shows me that there are people in the world that truely care about others (virtual strangers in cyberland).
That bear sits proudly on my dresser and everyday reminds me of my Brennan and the love that even strangers had for him.
I applaud you for wanting to do something. Thank you for being such a good friend to this woman.