Well, I just got home from our 2 wk apt. (after delivering our angel son). I knew deep down that we wouldn't get any answers but I still couldn't let go of the little hope left that we would. Physically, I am doing well. I am still leaking milk that continues to be a cruel reminder but I feel good physically. I think, all considering I am doing well emotionally too. I am still crashing a lot and crying a lot but I think that is normal. My empty arms often ache but in time I hope that will lessen. I had a difficult time going back into the ob office. I cried the whole way knowing that just 2 weeks ago we had our whole family in the car; so elated to find out the sex of our lo and now we were driving back to get a hard hit of reality of what had happened... It stung. I cried while we were there, not wanting to view anyone in the waiting room that was pregnant, knowing that was the place in life that I should be at right now. The dr. was great. Didn't rush us, answered all our questions and was very sincere and sensitive to what we are going thru. By all means I never want to forget our baby Reid and replacing him will never happen but please tell me that all this pain will eventually lessen with time?!? It hurts so much and the void that i have is unbearable.
When I read your post, I could deeply 'relate'. You're right, it's very, very painful to be surrounded by pregnant women, etc in an ob/gyn's waiting room. Thank heaven your dr is sensitive.
I can only 'speak' from my experience, but yes, what you're feeling IS totally normal. For me, it felt unbearable too. And it seems to be a common experience that we feel this pain for a surprisingly long time, but that it does eventually go away. It also seems to come and go "in waves". So if you find your journey feels this way, please know that it is normal.
I think your grief reflects how deeply you love your son. After all, if you didn't love him so very, very much than you wouldn't feel such pain, right? You have a beautiful, loving spirit -- people around you are lucky to have you in their lives.
What you are doing here -- writing in, "venting" your feelings, getting support -- is very healing. Can I encourage you to keep on writing in whenever you feel the need to? We all do, from time to time. For me, I did all of the suggested things (see ://www.pilari.org/articles/8/1/What-You-Can-Do----When-You-Feel-so-Powerless/Page1.html) which have all helped me to recover. All very useful. But, personally, reaching out to a community like this one has been the most healing thing I have done. So it's very good that you're here.
Finally, you're right again: no one will ever replace Reid. I also believe that you will never forget him, nor will your love for him ever diminish. This has also been my experience: that my love for my angels roars on today as strongly as ever.
Feel free to PM anytime. I offer love, support, hope and "big shoulders".
Hugs Katherine. I think you are completely normal, there are so many things to remind us where we should be in pregnancy, or the last time we did something we were pregnant, and it is horrible. I'm glad your ob was kind and sensitive. It does lessen over time, or come in waves, sometimes very intense, other times less. Hugs and prayers.