I am currently experiencing my second m/c. I have one dtr who is almost 2 and this will be my 2nd m/c in 6 months. I had an unexpected preg in May, some spotting at 9 wks then a sono at 10 wks that showed the baby had stopped growing at 7 wks and there was no hb. I had a D&C that day. We had planned to wait until Nov to ttc again but I got pg in Aug by accident. Everything was fine until last week our sono showed I was only 6wks 5days instead of 9wks. I started bleeding last night and had another sono today that showed no change/growth.
I just don't understand. I have a strong faith and I know that God has a plan for everything in my life but this is hard. One loss I got through. You know, things happen. But this second loss is harder. I don't really want a d&C again...I don't know why I just don't. It just seems like the same story over again. I'm so disappointed.
Oh no... I can't imagine how hard it must be to go through this all over again. I'm so sorry. I have a strong faith, as well, and didn't understand why God took our baby. One day I told my husband, "I just feel like God has slapped me in the face." My four year old daughter heard me, and took my face in her hands. She said, "No, Mama. God did NOT slap you. God gave you a kiss. He is a GOOD God."
I don't know why... But that always makes me feel better. We have been given something so sweet and perfect, even if it only lasted for a moment...
I too have a faith and today I am more than angry with God for NOT giving me a baby. I have only had one loss, but this current AF and the last have felt like losses. Disapointments really, but the lack of baby makes it a loss for me. TTC ment.....DH and I have to take a TTC break because of me being a teacher and his work schedule at church (youth director) it isnt easy for us to take time off in the fall/winter/early spring. So we have to wait again untill this coming spring to try again. It is so incredibly frustrating when things dont go our way. I have to believe that YES God is a GOOD God and is faithful in our plan in life, knowing what we need more than we do. I have to believe that in this plan we will recieve what we need. God has never said that we cant be angry with him, but that we continue to follow. Just think of poor Job...man now THAT SUCKS!! That guy was much stronger than I am or will ever be. Big hugs. I know it really isnt what you were planning on, and it really bites, I hope that you can get some comfort. Please know that we understand and vent whenever you need to.
Thanks, My DH is a youth minster as well. Our pastor asked us to share our experience with the church last night. I just couldn't do it. DH shared and I just cried. I know God has a plan but I think you are right I think it's ok to be angry and to talk to God about our anger. It doesn't mean I love Him less or trust Him less just that I don't understand what His plan is.