Tomorrow will be the 3 month anniversary date of my DHs death. If I could just go back. if I could have just seen the signs. I would have done something...
To make matters worse, Tuesday would mark our 2 year wedding anniversary.
I feel like ****. I just want him back. even for a second. all I have left is a rubbermaid container of his clothes, 3 babies, pictures, and a rock with his name on it. The tears are starting to stream. Does this get any easier?? Does the anger ever lessen? As I ready myself for bed all I can think about is the fact that exactly 3 months ago, This same time, we were saying goodnight forever.
Yes, eventually the anger lessens. It will come and go in waves. It has been ten months since my loss and I have more okay days than bad days. That being said, I have my days where I want to curse god and do many unspeakable things to the people that caused my loss.
It is a heartache that will never go away, but will lessen in its biting sting. We all eventually adapt to a new normal and continue forward. Just remember to take it one breath at a time until you can go one moment to the next. Do what you can and that is all that you can do.
I know that it sounds like a bunch of platitudes and rhetoric but I have found out how true it is. I have my days where I can live from day to day and then I have my days where I struggle from breath to breath.
I totally agree with Shelley, above. That's what the process of grief has been like for me. On June 11th, it will be 2.5 years since our last loss -- so it's been a while for me, but not actually my whole lifetime either. It just feels so endless in the early months. But today, there's almost no grief left. Just a touch of it, now and then. Honest.
Losing your DH would be a very different experience to losing my babies, but I can only imagine that the intensity is similar-- because they are both such very close relationships. So I trust that your loss will truly get easier too.
Absolutely the best thing I ever did was express my grief here on this board, just like you're doing. This measurably propelled me through my grief much faster than anything else. So I'm really glad you're here. Keep writing in -- we care about you, and it really helps with the grief.
This board also taught me that I was no longer alone -- when we are devastated by anything, we need and greatly benefit from a caring community of those who have 'been there'. So in addition to being here with us, is there also a group of men and women who have lost their DH's or DW's that you could join? I'm sure this could help you a lot, too.
Giving you a great, big, warm bear hug (friends say I give the best ones)...
"Keep company with those who make you feel better."
-- English saying