3 years ago next week... (m/c ment, child ment)

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Joined: 08/24/08
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3 years ago next week... (m/c ment, child ment)

Three years ago next week, I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks. I could close my eyes and be right back there when the u/s technician told me there was no heartbeat. It always is hard this time of year and especially since while cleaning out my closet today, I found the scrubs I wore home from the hospital after my D&C. Weird, how little things like that can just send you into a spiral of sadness. I do feel guilty for being sad because I was blessed with twin boys in June, and I have so much to be thankful for. But nothing can fill the void in my heart for their little brother or sister. Thanks for listening.


tinaruger's picture
Last seen: 3 weeks 5 days ago
Joined: 09/28/02
Posts: 82


I ma very sorry for your loss. I as well as all the girls here know exactly what you are going through. I wish i could offer you words of comfort but I truly do not have any as i am struggling after 2 years of losing my jamie. Just count your blessings because we are truly fortunate to have our little ones. Some never get that chance. Take Care and God Bless!


Last seen: 1 year 6 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852


I am sorry for your loss. Please do not feel guilty. You suffered a loss of a baby and all the dreams that come with it. I am sure the twins help heal the hurt, but you have a right to still grieve.

MissyJ's picture
Last seen: 2 months 3 weeks ago
Joined: 01/31/02
Posts: 3289

((((HUGS))))) Agree with my previous posters. Please give yourself permission to feel sad... to grieve. You did lose your twins' sibling and grieving that loss or acknowledging that part of your family as missing, absolutely does not diminish the love you have for your living children. I do understand that feeling however. Trust it has been a process through the years to separate my feelings over loss as something other than a *betrayal* or not feeling 'grateful enough" for those that I have with me. Some dear friends here helped me by sharing their own experiences and together we did reach that place of understanding (what I shared above.)

I know we have discussed this with others on board recently -- but perhaps planning something that would honor your little one's memory would help you deal with this time of year? If the weather is nice, maybe take your twins outside and enjoy some time blowing bubbles "towards heaven". Perhaps spending some quiet time journaling your feelings or writing a letter. For me, it helped simply to "take control" of how *I* wanted to spend the day (or at least part of it!) acknowledging our loss. Know that there is no "right or wrong" way but by choosing something that brings you peace you can find at least a tiny bit of healing as well.

Hang in there and please do keep talking!


Last seen: 2 years 8 months ago
Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

Hugs! I am so sorry for your loss, 3 yrs, 3 mo, or 3 days, like you said, you can be taken back to when you found out and feel like it was hours ago instead. Congrats on your little boys, but yes, you did lose their sibling, and it is okay, and completely normal to mourn that!