It has been 78 days since our daughter died. I have so many lapses in my memory and I cannot remember most of the funeral. I still cry every day. I think about where I would be in my pregnancy. I know that now, the way I see time is BEFORE and AFTER Tess died.
I went to my third SHARE meeting last night and I noticed something. There was a woman there that lost her child at 36 week last week. One lady had lost 2 children three years ago. The rest of us had lost our children in the last 6 months. All of us had a look. I noticed that around the eyes there was this "look". I think it is what despair looks like. I cried on the way home because I don't want to look this way.
I know that in the last 30 days, I have been able to function better. The pain is not less but I am able to put in a place in my heart for a work day. When I go home, I can wear it openly, cry, or just remember. I have learned I am strong and not weak like I thought. I am strong because I can get up every day. I am strong because I realize that life is for the living. I am strong because I can feel and not "get over" the death of our girl.
Any of you that are newly bereaved, it doesn't get BETTER...but it gets...livable, managable. Please let yourself vent, cry, scream, whatever you need. There are no wrong feelings.
Thank you all for supporting and listening to me.