I am starting to feel like I am here asking advice a lot this week. But here I am again. Being around pregnant women and babies has not bothered me. It's only been a month since our loss, but those things haven't gotten to me. Then 2 days ago we found out that a younger family member back home is expecting. This floored me. She's 18, just graduated, lives at home, her parents don't have a lot of money either, and her boyfriend just moved in because his home situation wasn't good and there was nowhere for him to go. I think part of my problem, aside from all the obvious, 18, no job, living at home, is that her mother was one of the main people telling me not to be excited when I got pregnant. She kept telling me how easy it was to lose a baby. She and the daughter have endo as well and mom has lost 2 herself. She was the one I tried NOT to talk to just because it stressed me out. And now I'm expected to sit there at Christmas and look at her swelling belly!!!!!!!! I told Chris that this bothered me, and he said we just wouldn't go, but that isn't fair to him. We haven't been home since March and that was for a funeral. He really wants to, and I know needs to, connect with family. Of course there are plenty of people for me to see and things to do while there, but if I stay away, it will be obvious why, and I don't think that is fair to our family either. I know that being young and all of that doesn't mean that she doesn't deserve her baby or anything, but sometimes it's like 'how does that make sense?' Maybe it will be good for her. She's a young 18 and maybe it will help her mature some. Ok, now I'm just searching for positives.
I just don't know what to do about all this or with myself lately. I miss our baby so much right now. I guess I feel like I'm losing the grip I thought I had.