Well I am waiting for AF to approach. She should be here by tomorrow, in the meantime I am suffering from a headache and extreme tiredness. Every month it is the same thing, however at least this month my anxiety hasn't been as high (I guess the YAZ pill is working). I am not looking forward to christmas at all. I don't want to have to fake being happy when all I can think about is that my baby girl should be here with us. My husband is having a rough time now. He has cried the last two nights saying he misses his daughter and that he doesn't care about this holiday at all. I know it is his turn to mourn. I has been so strong the past 6 months and I think it has finally hit him. It breaks my heart all over again that he is sad and that I couldn't give him his christmas baby. But I know I will always have a whole in my heart, Rebecca would not want her mommy and daddy so sad all the time. I feel like she would want us to find happiness again, so how. I guess I am just venting.
I have been visiting the ttc after a loss board. There are wonderful women there if any of you are thinking about TTC again.
I just wanted to let you know that someone is thinking of you at this time. I can't know exactly how you are feeling, but I can certainly relate to the feeling of family or friends wishing to see you happier than you may be feeling on a given day. Also, I have read that many men feel a sense of tending directly to their wives in the immediacy of the loss and only later deal with it fully themselves. Allow yourselves the space and time you need to grieve in the way that feels right to both of you.
I just wanted to let you know that my heart goes out to you and your husband as you approach the holidays, and I am sorry that you are going through this.
I am so sorry that you have to go through this Christmas is such pain. I'm sorry that any of us do. You know what though? You don't have to fake anything!! Scott and I had a very quiet day last year and we didnt even put decorations up until i decided to at the last minute. We informed everyone that we "weren't doing" Christmas that year and everyone was fine about it. I don't think people will expect you to be all about the season under the circumstances hun.
I am so glad to hear that the Yaz is working. I am sad that your husband is so upset but am also thankful that he is releasing his feelings. If the two of you are not up to "being all holiday-ey" then don't. This is your loss and you two should mourn in the way that you see fit. I have been told that the "firsts" are always the hardest. I hope that is true and that each successive holiday is better for us all. I pray that you both find peace.