Almost the 1 year mark

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HopefullySoon's picture
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Last seen: 4 years 5 months ago
Joined: 01/31/08
Posts: 163
Almost the 1 year mark

Every time someone mentions Christmas or I hear a dumba$$ Christmas song or see Christmas stuff (such as the cup I just got at Starbucks with snowflakes all over it or all the ordaments on sale at hallmark), I want to puke.
I lost Zara Beth on Dec 22nd and was discharged childless from the hospital on the the night before Christmas with only a memory box to remember her by.
I do not know how I am going to get through this. Truly, I do not know.
I know I am doing better than I was earlier this year, but I do not feel strong enough to cope with the anniversary. I know I will get through it for I have no other choice, but the logistics of it all has my head spinning.
So much has happened these few months (including many doctors appts that I'll update you on later) and I have been so bad about posting here, but I just can't seem to get up the energy to update you guys.
I miss everyone here. I probably would be doing better if I did post more.
Just so this post isn't too depressing, I will update you on some good stuff that I have been doing that really has been helping me.
My family has officially started a nonprofit organization called LLOST (Loss of a Loved One to Sudden Tragedy); our main goal is to help people while they are grieving, by any and all means possible. It is still very early, but we are really working to get this off the ground.
We have actually done our 1st real thing earlier this month. A few months ago I heard of a nurse at a local hospital that wanted to start up a perinatel bereavement program, but did not have funding. I lead up the effort to collect all the stuff they would need to really be able to provide memories for the families, such as a camera, photo paper, memory boxes, clay mold stuff to do hand/foot molds, baby clothes for the extra small babies (I'm talking 20 week baby-sized clothes and up), tons of books, etc. It was so awesome to deliver the stuff to the hospital and to see how happy they were that would be able to do something at the most horrible times for these families.
So we decided under our foundation that we wanted to start a program to collect stuff for other hospitals such as this one and keep doing it. I really hope I can make this work. I can't imagine not having the little hand molds of Zara or the wisp of hair they were thoughtful enough to clip for me. I want to do whatever I can for others in the same situation as us.
Anyhow, I'll keep you guys posted on what I'm doing with this Smile
I miss you ladies. I promise to be around more. I'm going to need you more than ever. I am not feeling too strong.

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Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 08/24/08
Posts: 21

I am so sorry that Christmas is going to be so rough for you! Lots of hugs here! I amazed at your strength to dedicate yourself to such wonderful causes in the face of such an unimaginable loss. Your little Zara is certainly smiling down on you and is so proud of all the good that her mama is doing.

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Last seen: 1 year 4 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
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What a wonderful gift you are giving to other families in the time of loss.
I;m sorry for your loss, times like this are always hard.

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Last seen: 2 years 6 months ago
Joined: 01/25/02
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Hugs hon. I was due right around Christmas, so I am dreading the season as well. I am glad you have some good things to memorialize sweet Zara, and I am amazed at your thoughtfulness to help get things together to help others. Thank you so much for your kindness.

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Last seen: 1 year 4 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
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Im so sorry that the anniversary is approaching Sad You are doing a wonderful thing for the parents of little babies who are lost. They will never know you, but you will touch their lives tremendously!

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Last seen: 6 years 7 months ago
Joined: 01/31/08
Posts: 66

I'm sorry that what should be such a happy time of year is so heartbreaking for you. Sad I'm really amazed by what you are doing for other mothers in need, though. It's a beautiful work that you are creating.