Even though it's more than a month away, I'm already thinking about what the one year anniversary of our baby's birth and passing will bring. I think I'm going to take that day and the following day off from work. I already feel anxiety when I think about that day so I know I'll be of no use at work. I'm anxious thinking about the phone calls, cards or flowers we might receive around that day too. I don't want the day to go unnoticed because it is our baby's birthday, but the thought of reliving that day, the emotions and the pain is a lot to think about.
How have some of you dealt with the 1 year anniversary?
I am so sorry for your loss. I am still waiting for my EDD to pass and have anxiety about that. I don't know how or what to tell you. Just go with what you are feeling. Do what you need to do to cope and feel as good as you can.
We did small special things to mark the one year anniversary since Zane died. The Monday was P&IL Awareness Day anyway, so we lit a candle for the wave of light. The Tuesday was his birthday and we did a balloon release for him. The wednesday was the anniversary of his death and we visited the crematorium, although we didnt grieve there. It was just something to do to mark the day i guess.
The rest of the time i just kinda got on with things. Cried a little, talked with friends and family and DH.
The thing about time is that you can't stop it. It is relentless and unforgiving and as swiftly as it brings you to this unhappy time it will take you away from it too.
I hope you're doing alright other than the anticipation of this day.
Thanks Sarah. I remember how anxious I was approaching our baby's EDD and then when the day came, I was actually ok. DH and I spent the day shopping and getting ready for a trip were taking the following week so maybe having something to take my mind off of the day itself helped.
Maybe I'll use the anniversary day to put our baby's ashes in the dish garden that we have from my mom's funeral and to cut some plants from it and place them througout the house. That's been our plan, but we haven't gotten around to it yet. It might be a good thing to do that day though and maybe that's why we haven't done it yet...we're just waiting for the right day and this might be it.
"Heaven is your home, and it's all you'll ever know"
We went out to the cemetery for Peter's birthday. His plot (I don't know if that's the right word- the spot where he was buried) is at the end of a row, so it was perfect. My midwife met us there. She'd gotten there early to reflect, pray and think about Peter. She brought a water proof blanket, some balloons and some cupcakes. Her plan was to tie the mylar balloon to his flower vase and release the latex balloons but the latex popped.
We all sat down on the blanket and talked about Peter and the day of his birth. We spoke about some of the things we were still angry about. We cried a little bit. My midwife asked us for forgiveness one last time. It wasn't needed of course. It wasn't her fault, but she needed to do it for herself. She asked if we wanted to sing "Happy Birthday" but there's no way I could've done that. She placed a candle in one of the cupcakes and lit it. We couldn't decide who should blow the candle out so we let the wind do it. That was cool.
Then we walked around and visited some of the other graves. It was a beautiful evening and it's a beautiful cemetery. It wasn't a bad night at all. Nothing like I expected it to be. I thought I wouldn't be able to even get out of bed that morning but I did and I felt okay.
I think what you have planned to remember Caitlin sounds great. Do whatever you feel you can do and don't push it. I'd planned on baking a cake for Peter's birthday but couldn't do it. So I didn't. I'll be praying you guys have a nice day and can remember Caitlin in a wonderful way.
Oh! I almost forgot- The Compassionate Friends does an annual candle lighting ceremony in early December. http://www.compassionatefriends.org/...clpresspkt.htm It's probably not on Caitlin's birthday, but it might be something you could do to remember her since it's so close to it. I went to the one held about 30 miles away from me. It was very nice, even though I couldn't speak when it was time to say Peter's name. I think I may go this year too.
Last edited by sweetpetunia; 11-05-2007 at 06:33 PM.
Beckett's birthday is coming up on the 16th. i am unsure what we are going to do, but I think we will release a balloon with a note, have some cake and probably look through his things and cry some. We are also talking about putting up the Christmas tree (I know it is early but I could deliver at anytime now.) I think it would be fitting since we didn't put up the tree last year and I think it could be a nice way to represent the healing and journey of the last year.
I am still on bed rest and I hope to NOT be in labor that day. I think that if I wasn't pg and/or on bedrest, we would go down to the Twin Cities (where he was born) for the day, but as it is, we are pretty limited.
I think about what that day will be like and it is only three months since Damien grew wings. I worry about how I will feel when people remember and then I worry about how I will feel if they don't remember. I hope that you find a way that is wonderful, loving, and calming for you.
Last edited by shellyhudson; 11-07-2007 at 06:38 AM.