I am angry today. I think is has to do with AF coming soon, but I am pissed off at the world.
I lost my mother at 12 and stepped up to take care of my father and brothers. I lost my dad at 22 and again stepped up to take care of my family. Now I lost my daughter and I can't step up. Why do I have to experience so many losses? I am a good person, responsible, caring. It is not fair. It is not fair for any of us to have to go through loss.
I don't know if this is part of the healing process or AF, but I am pissed!!!! Why can't I just wake up and be happy for the life that I do have. I am married to a wonderful man, for 3 years now. I have friends and family who try and care. I have pets. A beautiful home. It is just my health is not the best. Anxiety and depression have taken over, especially around AF time. It just isn't fair and I hate that fact that it has happened. I miss my parents and my daughter and nothing I can ever do will bring them back. I am angry that the world can be so unfair.
I've had a little anger recently too chick and you're right, it is all part of the grief process.
I am so sorry you have had to suffer so much loss. It isn't fair that some people seem to get all the bad luck while others seem to get off far more lightly.
At least you're thinking about it in a healthy way. As hard as it is to actually feel happy because of the grief and the AF hormones, you're still acknowledging everything that is good in your life, and that's a great thing. Those who let the bad things completely overshadow everything that is good are the ones in real trouble.
I am so sorry for all of your losses. I don't get it either. It is not fair. I am reading Empty Crade, Broken Heart right now. It mentioned something about eventually being able to see the positive of how their lives affected yours (ie. you are now a more caring person, you appreciate life more, you have stronger relationships etc.). I am not there yet either but I hope you find your way there eventually.
It must have been very difficult going through life without your mom (and eventually your dad). Now the loss of your precious baby girl. You have every right to be angry. I think acknowledging those feellings means that you are getting closer to resolution. I have no idea how long it takes to get there but get a pillow and punch it or find some other constructive way to release that anger. Just don't hurt yourself because we all need you.
You have every right to be angry, sometimes I am just angry at the world, and thats OK, its part of grief. We have to be angry to move forward (eventually). I still have days that I am mad, mad at the world, mad at God, mad at my body (actually this one is daily). Your right though, sometimes we overlook the positives in our lives, but after a loss like yours sometimes it is hard to see the light, when I had my loss I compared it to being thrown in a deep dark hole sure a little light came through but not enough, and as time passes you will crawl further and further out of the hole and focus more and more on the good things in your life. I hope this makes sense.
I would be angry in your shoes, AF or not. I am angry with my situation. I try to be positive like you are, but even that can be hard at times. Then comes the guilt because I know that I should be thankful for the wonderful people that are in my life and the many blessings that I do have. I just get in a funk and get angry and then start thinking stupid thoughts like "how come crack *****s can have their babies?" I wanted mine and loved mine and don't get him!!! Sorry just got off on a rant there. Please continue to vent here and let it all out. We all understand and more often than not have had the same feelings.