Anniversary of my loss (s/b ment, s/b pic, lc pic, preg ment)

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CamelNoodle's picture
Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 908
Anniversary of my loss (s/b ment, s/b pic, lc pic, preg ment)

Yesterday was the one year annivesary of my loss.

Joseph Milton N. was stillborn at 10:47am on Monday, January 8th, 2007.

Yesterday was kind of a hard day. Only my mom and one friend remembered. (And my March 2007 birthboard, those lovely ladies) It's so hard to think that he's not with us, celebrating his first birthday. It's so hard that nobody really remembered.

I'm glad I'm pregnant again, but I really shouldn't be. This baby is only here because we lost Joseph. There's no way I would be pregnant again this soon were it not for that.

I just wanted to post pictures of him again, and our annoucement from last year.

(stillbirth pics below, not graphic, but could be upsetting)

(special thanks to Fourth Leaf Designs for this beautiful announcement, done free)

Little fingers

Little Feet

With Daddy

The boys

Video with big brother (wrong direction, but it's sweet). Will is 2.5 years old in this video. You have to click on it to view it.

Thanks for letting me share.
Janel

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

No thank you for sharing with us. I know how hard the day must have been. I am so sorry for you loss.

Robin

troynicole's picture
Joined: 12/06/07
Posts: 151
child ment

Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through right now. I too have another child that I never would've had if I hadn't lost one...it's very hard but at the same time, every day you look at your new baby you will think about the one you lost and you will truly be blessed. Even now that he's 5 i still think of what I went through to have him. I just explained it to him a few weeks ago-I'm not sure he fully understood what I was telling him, but to me he's also an angel, just one here on earth.

I hope your day today is full of sunshine!
Nicole :bighug:

Anngie60's picture
Joined: 01/28/07
Posts: 630

Im so sorry, your post brought tears to my eyes. Thankyou for sharing, im glad to be able to remember your baby for you (((HUGS)))

squirlyj's picture
Joined: 11/06/05
Posts: 121

TFS. The video makes me cry, but is so cute.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I remembered today was Joseph's day. I can't believe it has been a year already. YOu are such a strong person, Janel. My heart goes out to you as you remember your precious baby today, and everyday. :bighug:

Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 371

Janel
Thanks for sharing. I wish my son would have met his sister. He was at her funeral though and he comes with us to the cemetery.

I am sure your new baby will always be a gift from his/her big brother Joesph.

Sending you hugs
Antionette

Lily Maria Kathleen :angel1: August 10, 2007

Buffalo Gal's picture
Joined: 08/01/05
Posts: 47

Thinking of you today, Janel. That video of Will is just amazing-such a sweet, loving big brother he is! I'm sure Joseph is watching over your family and the little brother that is coming soon.

angelchristian's picture
Joined: 12/16/07
Posts: 24

Thank you for sharing this!
The video brought tears to my eyes! What a wonderful momento for your family to have.
Take this time to share tears with your family, tears of saddnes for your loss and tears of hope for your lo on the way!

-Annie

HopefullySoon's picture
Joined: 01/31/08
Posts: 163

I'm so sorry Janel. My heart just aches for you. Thanks for sharing your pics with us. Even though people will forget, take comfort in knowing that your little one will always be in your heart and a special part of your family. Little Joseph knows how loved he is.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am so sorry for you loss. That video made me cry.

Joined: 02/05/06
Posts: 33

What a precious, precious memory. Days like these are hard. TFS. I also cried. You and you family are so strong. That strength showed in the video. Happy Birthday Joseph!!

Erin
Mommy to angels, Quinn Thomas and Elliot Matthew

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Oh, Janel.... The thing is, none of our lives would be as they are if we hadn't lost our babies. That is true for the bad things in our lives, but also true for the good. As we move forward and try to reconcile ourselves with the reality of living after the loss, we start to have good days again. And good things happen to us again. And in the back of our minds, we're always thinking, I wouldn't have this happiness (or sadness) now if I hadn't lost the baby. However, we're always a lot less kind with ourselves when we are experiencing something good. It makes us feel guilty for learning how to enjoy life again, like we're forgetting our little one. Like we're somehow implying that we're GLAD that life turned out this way.

But the truth is, we didn't have a choice about losing our babies. We didn't get to decide to have our lives wrecked and have to begin again. All we have is the choice to pick ourselves up, and learn to live anew. It's easy to be happy when nothing bad has happened to you. It is a hard-fought battle to do it when your heart has been broken in two. And I believe it is this courage to live that shows us at our best. It's so much easier to just shut down and give up.

You have every right to be happy about being pregnant, and I hope you are. It doesn't mean you love Joseph any less or don't still miss him. You can be sorry he's gone and happy the new baby is here all at the same time. You didn't have a choice in losing Joseph, but you do have the choice to live your life to the fullest with the new baby. You're doing the best you can with what life has dealt you, and there is no shame in that. You are courageous and strong beyond belief, and I hope you can be proud that you were able to pick yourself up from the brink of despair and go on.

(preg/child mentioned)

I'm so sorry that nobody really remembered Joseph's birthday. It is unfortunate that people who have never lost a child seem to think that having a new one erases that loss. I experienced this too when I got pregnant and had a baby about eleven months after I lost my first one. No one but my friends here ever remember my first baby, and everyone else acts like it all "turned out okay" because I now have my daughter. But, with every day that brings new joy, there is also grief at what is gone and I know that will never change. But that is my life now, and I have a lot to be grateful for.

All the best to you,
Tamara

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I am so sorry that so few remembered your angelversary. I am so afraid of that same thing happening. That announcement is beyond beautiful. Here is to a screaming, healthy baby in the near future.

Shelly