Anniversary triggers

4 posts / 0 new
Last post
beckastar's picture
Last seen: 4 years 10 months ago
Joined: 01/09/08
Posts: 120
Anniversary triggers

I know there will be a lot of days, even after I've started to "feel better" about losing Gabi, that just floor me. It's only been 3 days. Today she would have been 7 weeks old. Yesterday, if I had a normal pregnancy, I would have been 34 weeks along.

I hope that as time goes on I can stop feeling terribly sad on weeks. Months, yes. Years, of course. Thanksgiving, Christmas, mother's day, father's day, my birthday (the day she was born), and DH's birthday (the day she got sick). I just hope the sadness spaces itself out a little more.

Last seen: 1 year 7 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852


Last seen: 2 years 9 months ago
Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

Hugs hon. I lost my angels early one (9wks or so) and I still think of how old they would be, or the sadness of not having them there for holiday celebrations, it hurts terribly. I think it will space out better, but will take time.

Last seen: 7 years 10 months ago
Joined: 12/16/08
Posts: 3

Lots of hugs and prayers for you! I'm so sorry about your loss. No matter what anyone says, you will never FULLY "get over" the loss of your child. I could have strangled someone for telling me "it gets better over time" after I first lost Miller. Almost four years later, the pain has eased. I don't cry everyday, I'm not cold hearted to others with living babies, I can see a mother and a child in the store without puking..
However, I do have my days when I regress back to the beginning of my loss. When I can't get out of bed because my pain is so deep that my nail beds hurt and I shut out the world from myself. There ARE days when I see something that triggers my grief.. by a song I hear, an outfit, a tv show, etc. I try my best to remember in ways that make me feel whole. Early in my loss I journaled and it was a way to clear my head and my heart. I would light a candle and say a prayer. Find something or someone who could lift my heart, even in the simplest ways. I would reach out to someone.. scream and cry and throw a fit if need be. I figured the best thing to do was let it out so it didn't build up on me or constantly haunt me.
This is the first year since my son passed away that I have wanted to put up a tree. It just came to me one day.. I want one, he would want me to have one.

Do everything at an easy pace and allow yourself to grieve. You are in the right place.. a place of support, courage, and love..

Take gentle care.. Many blessings.