Another tough night... (M/C ment)

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Sweet Nutmeg's picture
Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
Joined: 08/16/07
Posts: 170
Another tough night... (M/C ment)

Today a good friend of mine (who also happens to be a therapist) called me a mom in the present tense. When she said that, my first impulse was to deny that name. I didn't feel like I could own that title. After all, I don't have a baby. However, she told me that if a child dies at an older age it wouldn't stop that mom from being a mother, so my loss does not take the title away from me either.

I'm a mom.

For the first time in a week and a half I was able to feel was like a warm fuzzy...something to hold onto.

I'm a mom.

My depression is taking it's toll on me and there are days when I feel like I will not make it through. MY body rejects emotion to the point that I don't feel anything these days. I suppose my subconscious knows it will hurt too much. I think my newly realized title will help though. I am a mom and that's why I am numb. A part of me is missing and will never come back. Just like any deep wound, it will take time to heal and it will never be the same.

Love to all of you. This pain makes me feel so alone, and though we are different, you can at least empathize with me.

Last seen: 7 years 11 months ago
Joined: 11/19/05
Posts: 456

:bighug: Your friend is so are a mom...will always be one...

When that fact would get passed over with me....though it did not happen much, as many did no know about all my losses....I would always make it a point of saying that I am a mom to many heaven bound babies...

I do believe the numbness that you are feeling is a protection mechanism...I have gone through this as well....Give yourself the time you the weeks go by, over time, you will start to open up a bit more....

I agree with you...I think that you realizing that you are a mom, is a good start to this happening..



Last seen: 1 year 7 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Believe me....I am a mom and I have no living children. I am a proud mommy to 2 angels.

I know that "numb" feeling. I know it VERY well.

Know we are here for you and that we will try to do whatever we can to support you.

CamelNoodle's picture
Last seen: 1 year 5 months ago
Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 908

child ment, s/b ment

It's a hard place to be. When people ask me how many children I have, I have a hard time saying 2. I had a 30 week stillbirth. We named him, we held him, so why don't people recognize him as my second son? I do.


shellyhudson's picture
Last seen: 6 years 6 months ago
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I am so glad that your friend told you that. You are now and forever will be a mom. It sucks that we are all missing an angel but that just means we are special moms. It will take time to heal. There will be days that are better than others. I still have moments where I feel guilty for not feeling miserable. Sometimes I feel as though I will be crushed from the tidal wave of emotions that sweeps over me and other times I wish that I could feel instead of being numb. I will never be whole again. My family will always be one member light. Every member of this board knows this feeling. However, all of our angels shall live on forever in our love and memories. Their fleeting little lives touched us so dramatically and gave us so much love while they were here that we cannot be unchanged. I pray that you continue to heal and find peace.


Last seen: 2 years 9 months ago
Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

hugs! What a great friend to help you realize how deserving you are of the title of Mom!

Amber_daisy's picture
Last seen: 3 years 4 months ago
Joined: 10/17/06
Posts: 567

I wish more people had as much sense as your friend. She sounds like a keeper. And I'm glad that what she said helped you so much. You ARE a mom. Keep what she said in mind whenever anyone says anything contradictory.

As for the numb feeling you have right's pretty common. It does pass though, even if only for short moments this early on. If you feel something, let yourself feel it. It's OK to break down and cry, even if you aren't expecting it. And it's OK to feel happy too. When I lost my baby at 6 weeks back in February, those first happy moments, those first times I laughed after my loss hit me pretty hard, and I felt guilty for it. But go with it if you can. Those moments of "light-ness" really do help.