Ladies as some of you know I have been in therapy and taking meds for depression and anxiety. Well I am suppose to go back to teaching on Wed. Jan 2 and the thought of it makes my anxiety go through the roof. All I want to do is sit and cry and be by myself or with husband. The thought of other people or being on display terrifies me. I don't know how to break this cycle. I am going to the dr. and therapist today. I hope they give me something to help allievate this panic. I was doing great until last Saturday and then on Christmas I fell apart and it has been getting worse since. I am so frustarated with being this way. My husband says he lost his daughter and wife on June 18 and that hurts so much. I want to be the same as I was I just don't know how to get there. I am sorry this is off topic and turning into a rant I just need some friends who understand my loss and who won't judge me. I know I got to get back to the real world I am just terrified at doing it.
I am so sorry the anxiety is overwhelming you so much. Have you talked about it with your therapist? Have you asked him or her how you can gain control of your life again?
Are you going to any bereavement support groups? Contact a funeral home and ask them about support groups. In my area there are infant loss support groups but I know that even when I went to the one through my board which was for everyone who had loss it was helpful. Even though I was the only one who had lost a child.
I wish there was something more I could say or do.
I hope you know that we are always here for you. You can always come here to vent/rant. Even if it is daily venting we don't mind.
Your hospital/OB/midwife should also have some resources for pregnancy loss and infant loss.
Also, there are many medications that could help you. I was on an anti-anxiety/depression med that worked very well. Medication is not bad, it just gets a bad reputation that we should be able to "buck up and get over it." I truly believe there are chemical changes in our brains that happen, that can be corrected, and that in conjunction with talk therapy is the way to go.
I work with people who are on disability and help with return to work planning. I would suggest that you speak with whomever you are dealing with (insurance company, employer, HR) and ask if you could go in on a graduated basis - not full time right off the bat. Perhaps starting out slowly to give yourself time to deal with the complex emotions that are involved in exposing yourself to your place of employment again, seeing your coworkers etc, would be beneficial. That way too they will have a replacement person so that you are not feeling the added pressure of performing because you HAVE to be there, kwim?
Good luck it is a very difficult step and if not done correctly could be a cause of a set back.
I suffer from depression and anxiety. It can be debilitating. I am taking klonopin for the anxiety, which works well. Also, try the Omega 3,6,9's for anxiety. You also need to take time for you. Get a massage, a haircut or manicure.
I would also make sure you have everything planned out for your return. Maybe practice a teaching lesson in front of DH. It will help your self esteem to know you can still do it.
We all belive in you, you just need to belive in you.