Update - Well I finally decided to have a conversation with Zoey about Isaac. It went well. Here is a link describing how it all went.
Thank you for all of your support and advice. I appreciate it all!
This is long, so bear with me....
So you know the story of my Isaac. He passed away about 4 weeks ago. Well I have 2 older children, Zoey who is turning 3 in July and Alayna who is turning 2 in August.
Zoey was very involved in my pregnancy with Isaac. Right from the beginning I took her to all my appointments and ultrasounds. We didn't know anything was wrong at first, so that is why we took her. We wanted her to be excited about her little brother. Which she was, she loved the ultrasounds and seeing the doctor and going to my appointments. She loved my belly and talking about her brudder.
Well, we found out about Isaac's diagnosis, and tried to get her to forget about the whole pregnancy and her brother and kinda tried to shield her from it. At first We stopped taking her to doctors appointments and ultrasounds. We hid the ultrasound pics, and stopped talking about him around her. Well she is smart for her age and wouldn't forget it. So the last few months of my pregnancy, we just acted like it was any other pregnancy. So we involved her in the pregnancy again. I took her to my appoinments and ultrasounds again, because there was just no way to hide it from her.
When Isaac was born, both of the girls were there to see him. Zoey held him and touched him....Nearing the end before she went home with her grandparents, she started warming up to him. She would stand next to the bed and smile at him and run her fingers along his skin and hold his hand....
After he passed, we stopped talking about him around her. We don't mention his name around her, we don't have any pictures hanging up, we were just hoping that she would forget. He was born at 2:46 am.....so when the girls got to the hospital they were still half asleep. They were both so tired that we didn't think she would even remember the whole thing.
Well it is 4 weeks later....and she clearly remembers!! She is curious and is wondering what happened.
It had been about 2 1/2 weeks, and I had forgotten about her being in the room and brought up his website on the PC, and was looking at it. She caught a glance of him for like 2 seconds. She comes over and then I relized that she saw his pic, so I shut the window. She asks me "Is that your baby??" I ignored her. She then asked me "Awww What happened to your baby??" I ignored her again. She asked me the same question again, and I ignored the question and distracted her with something else. Whats funny though, she only seen him the once in the hospital for only a few hours. I've had pictures up on the screen of other babies, yet she never asked about him then. But the moment she seen a picture of Isaac.....she automatically remembered him!! and remembered that he was MY baby.
She obviously knows that SOMETHING happened. She's asked my MIL about him several times and wants to know what happened to him. My MIL ignores the questions and distracts her like I did. Thats all we know to do.
Now, just the other day I was filling out a form, and there was a small picture of baby feet in the corner of it. She saw those and asked "those your babies??" wondering if they were his feet. I told her no, that they were someone elses baby's feet. She thought about it and then asked me...."Who took your baby??" Oh God this about broke my heart. She is now thinking that someone took my baby!!! I tried to ignore the question, but she kept asking me. I finally just distracted her again.....
Zoey was at my MIL's yesterday. When I picked her up, she told me something that Zoey had done that about made her cry. She said that ZOey was rocking her baby doll.....and guess what his name was?? Isaac!!
We never mention his name around her!!! Yet she still remembers it. Its crazy.
What do I do about her?? She's still to young to really understand about the whole thing. She could never understand the concept of death. Even if I did tell her about it, she would just ask me again and again afterwards whenever she saw a picture of him or something that reminds her of him....right??
I've talked to her doctor about it before, and they didn't know what to tell me. They just said to take her to a psychologist....or whatever those people are. I don't think that is necessary for her, she's not upset by it. I'm not worried about upsetting her when telling her, I'm worried about confusing her.