Is it normal for me to be upset when one of my friends ends up pregnant? I am happy for them honest, but i also feel jealous and have a hard time saying congrats because i am mad that i lost a baby. I honestly cant stand to hear about one of my other real life friends pregnancy- she called me while i was in the hospital and after saying im sorry and what not, she preceeds to say "Noah is kicking so hard" She is 8 months along.. That really pissed me off. Now i am avoiding her like the plague. It seemed like she had no courtesy. Why didnt she think about what i was going through, like i wanted to hear about her pregnancy when i just lost the baby. GRR! I guess this is just a rambling of nonsense. I just cant figure out why the 4th pregnancy after 3 healthy children didnt stick.
Moderator of the pregnancy and infant loss support board
I am sorry
Yes, it is def normal to feel upset (yet happy) when ones friend is pregnant....That said, if ones friend is being inconsiderate, such as the friend you described...mentioning her little one kicking, when you were in the hospital losing your child....*Friends* like that, I would stay away from for a while...
It was inconsiderate of your friend to make that comment while on the phone, but maybe you should talk to her about it. Some people just don't realize it when they say something stupid, and they just need to be told.
I hope you are doing better, and I hope your dh is still safe at home, although I know you would rather not have him home under these circumstances.
I agree too that it is very normal to feel this way. And, I think you wanting to stay away from her right now is just your own self defense trying to help you through this. I have friends now and on previous losses that I kept away from for a little while. But, it didn't stop our friendships.
Just a couple of weeks after my m/c, I read one of my friend's announcements on Facebook. She announced her pregnancy. It felt like a knife through the heart. Sometimes you just have to avoid those friends for a while, because seeing them is just so hard. Even if they haven't said anything insensitive or hurtful. You just need time to heal.
I too think it's totally normal. My best friend told me she was pregnant while I was still TTC (for almost a year) then I finally got pregnant, but had a m/c at 7 weeks. My brother also announced that his GF is pregnant 10 days after my D&C. I had to see both of them this past weekend and it was sooooo hard. I feel like I did well, but I definitely cried and felt sorry for myself, etc.
Thanks girls.. I thought i was in the stage of acceptance, maybe i was wrong and was still in denial. Now that life has slowed down i get to think about it more. On a happy note, my house is coming together very well!! I am looking foreward to decorating, but there is so much space in this place.. what ever will i do . hehe.
Your feelings are perfectly normal and justified. I think everyone has felt that way at one time or another.
And I would definately have a talk or have another friend tell her how inappropriate that is. Some people just dont think first. ((Hugs))