Autopsy Results and a question

20 posts / 0 new
Last post
TyrantOfTheWeek's picture
Joined: 12/26/05
Posts: 1147
Autopsy Results and a question

My DH's life ended because of an accidental Methadone over dose. I sobbed for like an hour in my employer's office. Also, If you were in my position, when do you think would be an appropriate time frame for taking off my rings? I have been thinking about this a lot lately and it bugs me.

tina_haley_n_beanz_mommy's picture
Joined: 11/14/06
Posts: 212

I am so sorry. Did you know he was on methadone? I would wait until you were ready. If your ready then I would do it.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Wow -- I am so sorry. I've worked as a drug & alcohol counsellor for (far too) many years, and I understand all about methadone. Your DH was brave to make this very positive change in his life. And I think you're a wonderful woman to have supported his journey.

As for the rings, I'm not sure if there is a 'right' and 'wrong' time. It's a very personal choice, and I agree with the woman above -- please do it when and if it feels right for you.

I once knew a middle aged widower who couldn't part with his wedding band. He collected coins and had a fabulous ancient Roman coin -- about the size of a dime, with a perfect image of Alexander the Great on it. My friend decided to have his wedding band melted -- the jeweller created a new setting, holding the coin. My friend still wears the ring today, 13 years later. It continues to give him comfort.

But that's only one person's decision about what to do with their ring: it's a very personal choice. I'm sure you'll know exactly what you want to do with yours, when the time is right.

Please take it easy, and keep posting here. We care.

Love,
Nicole

CamelNoodle's picture
Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 908

I am sorry for your loss. You never have to take off your rings if you don't want to. But if you want to, anytime is fine. Some people take them off right away, some never do.

Janel

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I think the "appropriate" time is totally up to you. Take them off now, or keep them on forever, it's totally up to you. When you feel ready to move ahead, you may be ready to take them off, but don't ever do it because you feel you HAVE to...

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I think the appropriate time is entirely up to you. I work at a cemetery and I see people who've just lost their spouses who already have their rings off, and I see some people who lost their spouse many many years ago who still have them on. Do whatever works for you. If in your heart, you're still married and want to keep them on, there's nothing wrong with it. And if in your heart you're still married but the rings are too painful, then take them off or switch them to the other hand or put them on a chain around your neck.

tina_haley_n_beanz_mommy's picture
Joined: 11/14/06
Posts: 212

I agree with mskoala. perfectly said

TyrantOfTheWeek's picture
Joined: 12/26/05
Posts: 1147

He was on the methadone for pain.... Sorry that I didn't specify that.

Joined: 04/21/06
Posts: 96

Oh Honey I am so so sorry. My mom was on methadone for pain for about two years it scared the crap out of me because she would take more than she should all the time. As for you rings I agree with the others there is not a time that is to soon or to far away. You do it when you are ready. Much love Tori
:bighug:

Joined: 07/27/06
Posts: 722

Oh that is so tragic! I am so sorry for your loss!! You have a hard decision with the rings!! (((HUGS)))

lj365's picture
Joined: 07/24/06
Posts: 154

Lurker...

So sad for you. That couldn't have been easy to hear. I still wear mine. I wore them on my left hand for about 2 years and wore his around my neck for a year or so. I now wear them on my right hand and started doing that when I began dating my current DH. Everyone is different so whenever you feel you want to then that is the right time.

:bigarmhug:

healinghandz1's picture
Joined: 02/16/08
Posts: 32

I'm so sorry for your loss. I became a widow in my early 20's. I took my wedding band off after 6 months, only because of the nagging of others. My friends, family, co-workers, and school mates made me feel like I was "holding on, and refusing to move on" as long as it was on my finger. I was no were reading to "let go", and I think it interfered with my grieving process. I became more depressed by taking off my ring. About a 2 years after taking the ring off I had it resized to wear as a toe ring. It has remained on my right foot ever since, even after I remarried.

Take your time. When you're ready, you'll know. Don't listen to others when they try to tell how to grieve, when to take your ring off, clean out his clothes, or even move from your house.

if you need to talk you can PM me.

HopefullySoon's picture
Joined: 01/31/08
Posts: 163

I'm so sorry.
I agree with everyone...do what is right for you. You (not what everyone else thinks) is what really matters. This is a time to take care of yourself.
I had the hardest time when I got the autopsy results back for my daughter. Nothing can be more heartbreaking then seeing the truth in in all those medical terms . My youngest brother died a few years ago and I could never bear to look at those results. Life is so hard. {{Sigh}}
Please be kind to yourself. I'm always here to talk.

Joined: 05/04/06
Posts: 250

I hope you're doing okay Mindie... at least as okay as possible.

You have to do what you feel is right about the rings. ((HUGS))

Karen

Joined: 11/13/06
Posts: 161

When my mom lost her husband she waited about a year and then, when she took off her wedding band, she bought another ring that had two interconnecting rings for her right hand. It symbolized her connection with God and her new identity. It reminded her that she wasn't alone and brought her (and me, oddly enough) great comfort. We knew she hadn't forgotten her relationship with him and that she was ready to move on in her way. It symbolized her beginning the difficult transition that she was then ready for.

As for timing, there is no answer. Rings symbolize different things to different people. Someday you will know what to do. You may take it off some day and then start wearing it again and then take it off again or make a final decision you are comfortable with. I think that, if you have to ask, then it's too early.

KaellyNicole's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 219

Wow! All things aside, my mom didn't take hers off for the first year. But honestly, it's all about when you feel ready! My mom went from having them on her finger to having it around her neck to putting them in the jewelry box... and it was a good year and a half process, but everyone is different. I was given a ring when I lost my son, I wore it around my neck for about a year.

There is no right or wrong answer though!

TyrantOfTheWeek's picture
Joined: 12/26/05
Posts: 1147

I just want to say thanks to all that replied and for those that don't make me feel like an idiot for posting here...

Joined: 06/10/07
Posts: 1692

I just wanted to send a hug your way. I'm so so sorry for all that you are going through.

:bighug: :bighug: :bighug:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

How are you feeling?

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I lost my dad Nov 06, my mom still wears her ring but goes back and forth about taking it off. It is a personal decision, and whatever you decide it was it best for you....

hugs to you!