loss ment, some graphic detailsIt was a very long day I went in at 8 am to get started. I was on the OB wing in an OB room kinda separated off from the others, still the last place I wanted to be. They put in the cytotec first dose at 9 am thinking it wouldnt take too long. I got an epidural after that that made me very comfortable. 4 hrs later nothing so she puts in another dose. I start feeling some tightening but no pain. So at 4 they put in another dose of cytotec and I did start feeling cramping after a few hrs with that so they gave me a bolis of epi fluid. I was warned things would happen quick one minute no baby and the next the baby would just whoosh out. And thats what happened finally at 7:30. They pulled back my covers I was scare to do it myself in case the baby wasnt intact, thankfully he or she was but I couldnt see baby bc I hadnt delivered the placenta yet I tried pushing but nothing but clots came out. She eventually clipped the baby's cord and brought him or her to me. She held the baby as he was soft much softer than I thought he/she would be. My precious little baby looked absolutely perfect 10 fingers, 10 toes, perfect facial features, ears, etc. It was also bigger than I imagined (well longer anyway but very skinny) . We couldnt really determine boy or girl as both sexes have a rod like appendage sticking out its the penis in boys and clitoris in girls and though I know one points up and one points out it was hard for any of us to tell, but the testing will for sure. I was determined not to cry through my one time I was ever going to get to see my baby and I didnt. I cooed over baby just like I would have with a full term, after all it was still my baby. Dh had a very hard time with it he looked but not up close like I did I basically had him/her on my lap and dh was standing next to me. Then they took baby away bc I was bleeding so much they were getting worried. My placenta would not come out. My MW has them give me more cytotec and called in the OB on call who is always at the hospital when she delivers. It was awful I kept bleeding a lot and they kept reaching in bc they could feel the placenta right near my cervix but it wasnt coming detached. I really wonder if my placenta wasnt the cause of the loss. The OB had to get a speculum and a stretcher thing they use in surgeries so he could see in me to see the placenta, then he reached in, felt like his whole hand, to try to grab out the placenta. Dh basically had to hold me on the bed it was that painful even with an epidural. They finally got it out all in one piece. I lose over a 1000 grams of blood at their last count and went down 2 points on my iron level. I was very close to being put to sleep in the OR and having a d&c on top of everything else. After that my bleeding slowed considerably and is still pretty light. I didnt get to go home until the next day at 12:30 I just wanted out of that place. Wanted to go home to my kids. Dh was a real trooper but I felt so bad for him, hes not a crier but he was crying for me even though I basically held it together the whole time. I was shell shocked mostly. We decided to have testing done on the baby, basic pathology and if our insurance will cover it choromosonal testing as well. They will also check the placenta. My gut feeling is for some reason my water broke and that wont probably show on the testing but it might show why it broke my Mw said like placental abnormalities, etc. It was the worst thing I have ever been through in my life. Just plain awful. I miss my baby. Its like I have a hole in my heart and my womb. My stomach immediately deflated. I just feel empty. I have no idea how long the testing will take.
Last edited by **Tiffany**; 04-25-2012 at 01:11 AM.
I am sorry your delivery was so hard. I am glad that you got to hold your baby though, and spend time saying goodbye.
Know that I am thinking of you and your family!
((((((BIG HUGS)))))) Tiff. I'm so sorry that you have to go through all this. Thinking and praying for you and your family!
Last edited by girlisrad; 04-24-2012 at 02:43 PM. Reason: remove siggy for loss
Tiffany, I am so sorry that you had to go through that. As for testing I was told that it could take up to 8 weeks for some of the tests. Bailey's testing showed nothing, everything was healthy and so we have no reason for my m/c.
From my experience you will feel shell shocked for awhile. Tears will come on suddenly, emotions will be all over the place. Not a fun time but it will get easier.
Be good to yourself and take the time you need to grieve for your baby.
Words cannot express my sorrow for you and your family. I am so, so, so very sorry. You and your family will be in thoughts and prayers.
Oh Tiff, i'm sooooooo sorry that you had to go thru this! Let yourself feel the grief. I'm praying for your little Angel and your entire family (((HUGS)))
Thanks everyone. Sam and Melissa its nice of you to check on me. Margaret you are so right about feeling shell shocked and the tears coming on suddenly. I get teary eyed out of the blue and sometimes get super irritated for no reason too. THis has really made me appreciate what I do have though, my wonderful dh and my precious gifts from God my kids. I know time will heal some of the pain from past experiences. Its just tough right now. I am taking things one day at a time. I find looking into the future to be too much right now, thinking of a vacation this summer or really anything. We have the go ahead to try again in 2 mos and I am terrified it wont work or Ill have another loss but at the same time I want to be pregnant again more than anthing I feel like my healing will be complete when I give birth to another take home baby.
Tiffany, this is so heart breaking and I'm so sorry you are having to go through all of this. I've been praying for you. I know it's scary to think about having another one after this, but try to remember that this situation is very uncommon compared to having a perfectly healthy baby and the chances of it happening again aren't great. Don't rush in to it if you're not emotionally ready, though. Please let us know what the pathology report says, if you're up to it.
I'm so sorry that your delivery was so hard and painful. I'm glad to hear that you got to hold your baby and spend some time with the baby. Please know that I'm thinking about you and your family often. Hugs and prayers coming your way.