Hi ladies, thanks again for your well wishes on my last post.
Well after a horrid couple of days at the hospital im finally home.
They told me to be at the hosp on Friday by 12pm. We got there at 12 only to be told i now didnt have a bed. They kept us waiting in the corridor for 2 hours. The consultant then called me in to have a chat and explain things, i asked her if my blood results were in for my blood group as i have never know what group i am. She looked on file and they had lost all my bloods!! Lucky i checked as they didnt seem to have a clue. So they sent me down to have more blood taken.
I then had to wait another hour in the corridor (with pg women walking past me all the time) before they finally told me my bed was ready.
Someone came to talk to me again to tell me i would now prob not be done til after 5pm as they were very busy. I told them i need to drink something as i havent had anything since 9pm the evening before. They told me no but said they will put me on a drip to stop me dehydrating. They didnt put me on the drip til 6.30pm!!! Thats nearly 22 hours with nothing!!
Someone came to talk to me again and said im now not going to be done til after 8pm.
Someone came to me again at 11pm and told me i now wasnt going to be done til tomorrow so i will have to stay in the night. My poor bf was so annoyed with the way they had treated me. He was so good, sat with me all that time for nearly 12 hours, so i sent him home to get some rest.
Oh and they then brought me a piece of cold burnt toast as i hadnt eaten for 26 hours. My lovely sister came up and brought me supplies of food though!
I started spotting nasty brown discharge so i told one of the night staff, her reply was 'well what do you expect, you are miscarrying'. I was stuck in a ward full of old women suffering from domentia. The one on the Left of me kept trying to talk to me though the curtain, the one opposite was screaming out most of the night and the one on my right kept trying to open my curtain so i didnt get much sleep.
The following morning though, the staff couldnt have been nicer and they really looked after me. Bf came back at 8.30am and stayed with me. They took me to theatre at 11am ish and when i woke up it was no where near as bad physically as i thought it would be. I had cramping and heavy bleeding but it soon settled with some strong pain killers.
I got home at about 6pm and i then felt like i was back to square one, all the emotion came flooding back and i couldnt stop crying i made myself sick.
I feel better physically today, the bleeding is lighter and so are the cramps but i still feel very emotional. I know this will heal as time goes on and we will start ttc again once my body is physically ready.
I just need to fill this empty space.
I am so sorry for your loss and the horrible experience at the hospital. I would have gone home, so be proud of yourself for sticking it out.
As for the emotional part I am still a mess after 6 months. Everyone handles their loss differently and you just need to remember to take the time you need.
Filling the empty space/void, I don't think anything will but time. I have heard from some ladies who still after years miss their little ones. Again every person is different.
I do hope you heal physically and emotionally as fast as possible.
Hi ladies, just thought i would let you all know how im doing.
I upset myself again earlier, i took down all the decorations as im sick of seeing the constant reminder of what a horrible christmas we had. I got bf to pack up all my pg mags and books etc. I feel better now i have done this, almsost like i can start to move on. I still have all the baby clothes sitting in a drawer. I want to put these away somewhere but i dont know what to do with them. They feel very special to me and i dont just want to bag them up and chuck them in the loft or somewhere - i want to put them away but not so i havent just 'cast them aside'. Does this make sense> Does anyone have any suggestions?
I'm sorry you had such a crappy hospital experience. We put Savannahs things in a huge plastic tub and have it sitting in her room with the rest of the things we accumulated from the hospital and stuff. I couldnt handle seeing her stuff in the closet everything I had to get something out so thats what we decided. I didnt want to get rid of it or for it to go far either. I hope you can figure out something that works for you. ((HUGS))
I am so sorry that you had such a horrible experience to start with. I am glad that you did have caring staff the next morning. Please just let yourself experience the roller coaster of emotions. If you try to keep them in, it works for a while but then explodes at a really bad time. There will be better days and there will be worse days. Please come here to cry, vent, rejoice, whatever it is that you may need to do. I pray that you heal as you need to.