back to work..

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troynicole's picture
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back to work..

i went back to work today. i lasted 1/2 day...i was busy all morning but as things started to slow down my mind just couldn't handle it anymore and i had to get out of there. i cried the whole way home. my poor husband keeps asking me what's wrong and i just want to scream. i know he is suffering too, but it's so different for us because we go through the physical changes as well as emotional and it's SO different! i just want to be alone and he thinks i'm just being a clam...i just need my down time. and to make matters worse, i found out a close coworker of mine is pg and due about 2 weeks after i would've been and another co-worker told me today she's having a girl (she didn't know i was pg), which i've always wanted...everyone i look there seems to be a baby...My hubby keeps asking what i need...i just need my baby back! AGH!

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I am so sorry that you had a bad day. I know everyone keeps saying it, but those days do get further and farther between. Guys do feel these things differently and that makes it frustrating for everyone, but you're right...he feels it in his own way too. I think part of it is that they feel like they were supposed to protect us the same way we feel about our children. You so aren't alone. It always seems to happen that everyone around you pops up preggo. For me it was my niece, due less than a month after our baby would have been born. I wish there was something I could say to make it better, but I know there isn't. Just know that you aren't alone and we are here when you need us. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Amy

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I am so sorry that you had such a difficult time at work. It is very difficult. I can say that each day is a little better. I wish you peace.

Shelly

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Going back to work is difficult. I imagine it would be very difficult if people didn't know why you were off. Just take it moment by moment (easier said than done I know).

It sounds like DH is just desperate to fix things and can't understand why it isn't that easy for you.

Take care and know we are here for you.
Antionette

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I know what you mean. I was working with children when I had my loss and I had such a hard time going back to work. I finally had to leave that job and start a new job where there are no children (office job) and there likely won't be any pregnancies anytime soon, either. Being back out in the world is so hard!

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I know what you mean too chick. When i go back to work there are 3 or 4 pregnant women there who i will have to see every day. Of course i am really really happy for them, but it's so hard.

I also feel really guilty because although i would never ever in a million years wish anything bad on these women i can't help but think "Oh i bet nothing happens to their babies!" in a really evil and bitter way, which makes me feel so nasty. I just can't help it, it seems like shit stuff only happens to my pregnancies, which of course isn't true!! Sad

Sarah
Mum to...
:angel2: Zane. Delivered by c-section at 41 weeks. Died due to Vasa Praevia. 16-17 October 2006
:angel2: Ada. Delivered by c-section at 25 weeks. Her heart just stopped. No explanation. 7 September 2007
Co-Host of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support.

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As I left for our Christmas holidays, there is a teacher who will now start her mat leave. I found myself wanting to tell her if anything happens to call me but I didn't want to say that. How morbid.

Antionette

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Not sure if you will remember me, but I was also on the July board, until Thursday. I went in for my checkup and they couldn't find a heartbeat. I had my D&C on Friday and it seems like I do okay for a day, or half a day, then it hits me hard. Hubby has been great though, because all I really need, that I can have, is for him to hold me. No words will help. There is nothing that can be said, but when I cry and he holds me, I feel better. He has said numerous times that he just doesn't know how to feel or think or what he should say and I told him that all I wanted for him to do was to hold on to me.

Today is my first day back at work. Thankfully, I had a four day weekend, because I wouldn't have been able to come back before now. I didn't want to come in today, but we are so short staffed. No one is here which is making it really hard because I have a lot of time to just sit and think. It's also the first time that I have been able to tell any of my online friends and some long distant friends of what happened. So, it's been hard and I have lost it a couple of times. I am just doing my best as I know that I cannot leave.

As cliche as it sounds, each day will get better. I know that, but it's still extremely hard. Especially, when you see babies everywhere. Hang in there and I do hope that you are doing better today.

Hugs to you!!

Anita

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Anita,
I am so sorry for your loss. You sound like you have a very good head on your shoulders and you have a wonderful husband as well. Please just let yourself experience the emotions as they come. Shelly