First off I got my af this morning, which always hurts a little as it reminds me im no longer pg.
Just got a text from my sister (she is 12 weeks pg) to tell me everything on her scan went well (she was actually mad I did not text to wish her luck. Hello, she called on the morning of my d & c to tell me she was pg!!!) not sure if any of you remember but she was SUPER UNsupportive to me when I had my missed m/c. Of course i am pleased for her that all is ok, I never want anyone to go through what we have all experienced. But I cant help getting mad the way she insists on rubbing everything in my face all the time. Im sure she does it to be hurtful, she has that kind of mean streak in her. Its my dads b-day tonight and we will all be there to give presents etc. I know she will insist on shoving the scan pictures under my nose etc. I know it makes me sound bitter, but honestly she sits there pg, chain smoking, literally one after another, and it gets to me so much. I bite my tongue, but in my head all I hear is 'its not fair, its not fair!!' She drinks tons of fizzy and coffee and smokes about 40 a day. I find it so hard to watch after just loosing my baby. If my Dad (not her Dad, we just have same Mum) ever mentions it to her, it really bugs him too, she just says well her other 3 kids turned out fine!!! Yeah, you have just been incredibly lucky!!!! I honestly think I may choke on my chinese takeaway tonight if I have to sit through it all again!! I always try to be nice and show interest in the pg where I can, but she has been so hateful to me that in my head I really dont want to.
I hope I dont sound awful in this, im just still having a hard time coming to terms with my loss and lack of support etc, and my sister is always right under my nose, im sure she does it on purpose. I honestly get up some days, and wonder how ill make it through.
Thanks for listening as always!