About a week ago, I dreamt that my big sister had another healthy, full term baby.
I hate to admit it, but I'm jealous of my lovely sister -- we've both been pregnant 5 times each, but all of her babies were born healthy and are still alive today. In contrast, only one of my babies survived. [I also have a stepdaughter whom I'm raising).
My sister wanted 4 and got 5. I wanted 2 (from my womb) and got 1. Sometimes I feel like 'she got mine'.
This all sounds silly and childish, but I'm speaking my honest truth. It would tear me apart if I ever found out she was pregnant again (though they're totally not TTC -- they've had enough, and she's 46).
So many other parts of my grief I have shifted completely through (it's been a while since my last m/c), but I am still stuck in the jealousy of others mode. I get so jealous when I see families with more than one child. [This might sound strange, but to explain: my stepdaughter is 12 years older than our younger girl -- so they love each other, but they've never been playmates.]
Okay, I'll stop now. I feel better that I finally 'got it out' about my bad dream. I felt too silly to tell DH about it, so thank heaven for this board. I'm about to bravely 'click' on the 'submit' button, and then there'll be no turning back!
Thanks for being my sounding board, and thank you all for my recovery.