I am so mad right now. My husband and I just got in a little argument. He said that he didn’t understand why I am so emotional. That miscarriage is very common and we (I) need to stop crying, forget it ever happened, and get on with my life. Keep in mind it has only been not even 3 weeks since we found out. I am so mad…. I think my “over emotions” are just beginning too. I am starting to see pregnant people everywhere and it is really getting to me. He brought home a movie for us to watch last night, Mel Gibson’s Apocalypse. It is a good movie, but has anyone seen it? Men, women, children dying- families being torn apart, and the main character’s wife…. Yep, pregnant! Even gives birth while almost drowning. He wouldn’t even cuddle with me while we watched it. He sits on one side of the couch; I sit way over on the other. I try cuddling with him and he tells me I am “hurting him.” He doesn’t understand that I really NEED extra cuddling right now… But I guess it is just me, right? I mean, I am being WAY over emotional. Because everyone goes through this, right? I just need to forget about it and move on…. (ok the last few sentences were me being sarcastic.)
He has wanted to have a baby for the last year!! It took us 7 months of trying to actually get pregnant. I was pregnant for 11 weeks. 11 weeks that I thought about this child every day. One year that I planned for it to come. And now I am supposed to pretend it never happened! I know 11 weeks isn’t a long time. But that was 78 days, 1872 hours, 112 320 minutes that I thought about this child being alive and growing. I thought about breastfeeding, him beginning to walk, first day of kindergarten, HS graduation. I planned all of it…. And now it is gone…. And now I SHOULD forget?? I don’t know if I can forgive him for saying this. He is the one I am supposed to lean on. My mother has already decreased contact with me since all this began. I am in a foreign country…. I feel so alone…… and now I am ashamed for feeling anything.