being punished (mc ment child ment)

4 posts / 0 new
Last post
Last seen: 3 years 10 months ago
Joined: 07/27/06
Posts: 722
being punished (mc ment child ment)

When I found out I was pregnant, I was shocked, upset, scared! We were not planning another baby. I didnt know where we would put the baby in our house, we didnt have room in our car, and we certainly did not know where we were going to get more money for food, diapers, clothes, toys, and energy to care for a new baby all over again. Then I took a deep breathe and was excited, elated. I got to have another one!! YEAH!! But maybe my happiness came too late.....maybe those awful upset thoughts made God mad. I had taken the most wonderful thing you can get in life the news of a new pregnancy,and felt negative thoughts toward it!! I feel like Im being punished for that. I feel like if I had been happy from the start, maybe I wouldnt be losing my baby! Im soo sorry I ever had those thoughts! I wish I could take every single one back!! I will tell you one thing, It will never happen in the future! If Im ever lucky enoughto be blessed with another baby, I will cherish it every minute of every day!

shellyhudson's picture
Last seen: 6 years 6 months ago
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

Logically we all know that we did not cause the loss of our children, emotionally it is a different story.

I think that each and everyone of us has had thoughts very similar if not identical to the ones you mention.

You did not think your baby away. I am so very sorry for your loss.


Last seen: 7 years 6 months ago
Joined: 11/30/07
Posts: 117

Im so so sorry you feel this way - please dont, it is in no way your fault. If it were true that we could think our babies away, there would never be any need for abortions. What matters the most is that you decided how thrilled you were, and you planned a wonderful happy life for your LO. Please do not feel guilty, it will do you no good. You are not being punished, you have nothing to be punished for.

Last seen: 1 year 7 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852


I completely understand the way you are feeling. I am currently 21 weeks pregnant and was just told last week the the left side of my baby's heart is not developed and he/she will most likely not survive. You see, I have a LO that wasn't even 1 when I found out I was pregnant and just like you I feel extreme guilt for being upset when I saw those 2 lines on my HPT. I did grow to be excited about this little one and now I also feel like I'm being punished for being so ungrateful about what was given to me.

I know how hurtful this is, but in reality we both know that this is none of our doing. I believe what you are feeling is completely natural.

I am so sorry for your loss.