My mum called tonight to tell me my sister is 7 weeks pregnant. I honestly swear that my heart actually stopped beating for a moment with the shock and upset. Its my mums birthday tomorrow and we are all supposed to be going for dinner. I told her i just cant face it. I have not seen my sister or brothers since my loss. None of them called or came to visit (not even after my d & c) I was already nervous enough about going tomorrow, as I knew if they tried to cuddle me etc it would just make me mad as its 2 weeks too late!!. My mum thinks im being selfish not going tomorrow, like im being silly and should be over it by now (its been 2.5 weeks since my d & c - this has only just begun!!) How can they all be so insensitive? Im not the one being selfish, im hurting so bad, and no one cares at all. Now I have been made to feel guilty for not going to mums b-day, and for not being over the moon for my sisters happy news ( I should add she has 3 children, one of whom is 14 and an alcoholic with so many issues, she split with their dad 12 months ago, and is now pregnant by her new boyfriend) I know none of that really matters but she does not really bother at all with the children she has. They are never at school, always drinking and smoking, and running away from home. Her boyfriend and her have not a penny to their name, and live off of benefits. It just makes me feel like life is so unfair. My Dh and I have been trying for a while, had one early m/c, then tried again, then had m/c and d & c at around 9 weeks, and it feels so unfair. I feel mad, then numb, then sad, and I just dont know what to do with myself. I also feel guilt for not being happy for her. I dont know how ill move past all of this. I have never felt this bad in my life. I took a pregnancy test again this morning and its still positive. The pain of that is just awful, knowing its still from my lost baby.
Sorry for my big long rant, just had to get it out.
** Once again, thank you all for taking the time to respond, and your kind words and support - it means so much right now. I have had a horrible day today. I did not go to my mums for birthday dinner yesterday as I did not want to cause an upset. So arranged to call in tonight with gifts etc. I text her yesterday to see if they all enjoyed dinner etc. I was really upset with the response I got back. She said they had all had a wonderful time, and a really good laugh - did not ask how I was feeling at all. Dont get me wrong, I want her to enjoy her birthday, but I guess I was a little hurt that she was not at all bothered that I was not there. I ended up crying for 2 hours after that text, and have just felt so incredibly low all day. How can they not understand my pain? I have also gotten myself all upset cause our washing machine broke a few days back, and have washing backed up like you would not believe. My Dh ordered a new one and it was supposed to be delivered today. He knows I help out at school on a Thurs morning, (this is the first one I have had the strength to do since d & c) so promised he would be here to collect it in. When I got home there was a card saying we missed delivery. I called and its on the back of a van about 60 miles away and will not be delivered till next week now!!!! I cant manange without a machine and 2 LO's. I cried for ages about this too! My dh got all defensive with me when I told him how cross I was, so now we are barely talking. We are supposed to be going away on Sat, the trip was to help to make me feel a little better after d & c, plus DS and DD really wanted to go. I cant go now with no clean clothes and piles of laundry everywhere. I then cried again when I realised this! Im dreading going to see my mum this evening as I am so upset with her, and all these little things on top of it all just seem to be sending me over the edge. I want to roll up in a little ball till it all goes away and I dont have to deal with it. I really dont have the strength.