Christmas Schmishtmas (TTC Ment, Preg Ment, Pity Party Inside)
Hey ladies. I really hope your Christmas was better than mine!! Just a pre-warning - this post contains some serious whining and self pity.
So, my amazing Christmas season kicks off with AF coming on the 23rd. Gotta love her! No pregnancy for me! Bah! I cheer myself up by reminding me that we weren't supposed to be trying until January anyway, so it was our 'free go' and doesn't matter. Also, it meant i could get drunk over Christmas. Yeah! So, i went into town on Christmas Eve with some girlfriends and we have a real good laugh. That is until i meet one of my bloke friends and he announces that him and his girlfriend are pregnant!! Merry F***ing Christmas!! Now, don't get me wrong. I am not a mean person and every baby is a joy etc etc. BUT, his girlfriend was drinking as i spoke to her, they have only been together two minutes, and there are loads of other reasons why this news is sh*t that i can't put out on this public Internet site out of respect for him. If you want to PM me, i don't mind telling you in private.
Anyhoo, i managed to be nice to their faces and all congratulatory, but once i got home, fuelled by drink and the fact that every f***er else was so f***king happy at this most wonderful time of year, i ranted about it by text to a best friend and ranted about it to Scott, who were both really angry at the crap timing of the announcement. When i went to bed i really tried not to think about it, but i couldn't and i ended up crying. I tried to cry quietly but Scott heard me and consoled me, so that turned into huge wails into the night about "Why now?" "What did we do to deserve this?!" "We are good people!!" and all the usual stuff. So it went from a general cry about being angry at said friends for their complete lack of compassion and forethought, into a huge pity party for everything that has happened to us over the past couple of years. Yeah, like i said, Merry F***ing Christmas!
Christmas Day was actually okay. Despite having virtually NO sleep and waking up with the puffiest eyes ever we still managed to have a laugh and get plenty drunk.
Boxing Day i woke up with a cold. Great. We had been planning a day out drinking and a meal with SIL & BIL & my sister for months. I had to just go for the meal and a couple of OJ's cause i felt like poo.
The same day i received a PM from someone alerting me to the fact that some unstable bint had copied and pasted my birth and loss story with Ada and used Ada's pictures as if they were her own, calling "her" baby "Athena". Of course my initial reaction was hurt and anger, but after like two minutes i was over it. I figure that if i am going to post pictures of my babies and their story on the internet then there's a chance that this might happen, but it's just a shock to see that it actually has you know? The Admin from this other site were great and so were the Admin ladies at preg.org. They worked together to remove the troll and all references she made to my story and pictures as being hers. What a whack job!!
The cold i started with on Boxing Day got worse the next day and worse again the day after that. Now it's a little better, but i have had bugger all sleep for about a week. My throat, head and ears hurt. I can't breathe properly and i just feel generally like sh*t.
Last year, around this time i remember how excited i was for 2007 to begin because it couldn't be any worse than 2006. How wrong i was!!! This time i am just sitting in dread for what might be coming. This time i am not promising myself a better year because that's a promise i can't keep. I am not a suicidal person, and i have always been proud to be who i am. For the first time ever this Christmas i thought to myself that things might just be better if i were someone else, or if i weren't here at all. I'm not saying this for drama, or for a reaction, because it really wasnt half as dramatic as it sounds when i write it down. Just that for the briefest, most fleeting fraction of a second i wished i weren't me, and that upset me, because that never happens.
If you managed to read all this. Thanks.
Mum to... Zane. Delivered by c-section at 41 weeks. Died due to Vasa Praevia. 16-17 October 2006 Ada. Delivered by c-section at 25 weeks. Her heart just stopped. No explanation. 7 September 2007
Co-Host of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support.
Sarah, I am soooo sorry about your crappy holiday. Maybe we should just expect it, and then be surprised that it wasn't as bad as we thought it was gonna be. Hang in there and have a Happy new year. Hugs!!
Sarah I'm so sorry you had such a ****ty holiday. No one person should ever have to experience what you have once, let alone twice. You are an amazing, wonderful woman and you deserve peace. I have never seen you be anything but nice to people. I can't believe that they would announce something to you at such a difficult time in the first place but to then stand there and drink in front of you- yeah I'd be pissed too.
How crazy that someone stole Ada's stuff as their own. Why would you even want to claim to have to experience someting so horrible Definate whackjob!!
You may not have much hope for 2008 -but I am hoping for you. I hope you get a blazing BFP very soon and a sweet little baby to bring home and cuddle. No one deserves that more than you. ((HUGS))
I am so sorry for all the drama and problems. What a b**** to use your precious baby on some other website I think that would throw me over the edge too. You don't have to explain why you had that fleeting thought of what if you werent here. I have had that thought at fleeting moments as well.
I really do hope the new year is better for both of us. You deserve so much. You have been so strong for everyone let us help you for once. Vent everyday if you need to.
Uuummm, wow. I can't believe someone actually used your story for their own. People are freakin sick. I wish you had had a better Christmas, I agree with Erin though, maybe we should expect the worst, then we're more prepared. And that announcement from your friends, that just sucks on their part. I understand being excited, but how about considerate?? I don't even know what else to say. I'm glad the holidays are over.
I'm with Amy on this one...WOW! i can't believe someone would stoop that low! I' glad you took it in stride-i think i would've have to have someone pick me off the floor. I'm sorry you had a bad holiday. just think-this year will be over in 3 days! we can all start over and hopefully it will be better for all of us.
Take care Sarah! You deserve a great year and i hope you (and everyone else on here) has one!
I'm sorry you had a bad Holiday. I have come to the conclusion that Christmas just sucks. It has lost its real meaning a long time ago.
I'm so very sorry that someone stole your story and your pictures. Can you press charges, som type of ID theft. I do not understand how someone could do this. Though, this is not the first time I have seen it.
I dont think there is anything we can do about the troll except hope that they have a conscience and not do it to anyone else, but i don't think that's likely unfortunately.
As for my friend, i have decided that i'm not going to make a big deal of it by telling him how upsetting his news was especially or anything, but if he mentions it i will. He probably will mention it because his brother is one of my good friends and was outraged and won't be able to keep that to himself, and since this guy is essentially a really nice guy (just a bit dim) he will probably apologise to me. Hopefully. If not i just wont mention it and hope he reads my website and recognises why i had to type a new section entitled "Some Considerations"