My doc called today, actually in the middle of my first therapy session. My chromosome tests were back and there was an abnormality... My heart sank... I was thinking the worst that she was going to say that my DH and my genes didn't work well together...
She said our baby had Full Trisomy 16. Unfortunately there is a 0 survival with this chromosome abnormality and results in a spontaneous miscarriage in the first trimester.
The doc said that there is a very slim chance this will occur again and that we are ok to keep trying. I cried because I have prepared myself to have the strength to be ok with not knowing why... but we know.
I have mixed emotions... I'm glad we opted for the testing and I am glad we got the results, but is it weird to be sad about knowing?
It went from "we probably won't be able to know" to "your baby was abnormal". Sounds totally strange I know...
However I'm happy to tell people (the noisey rude people I know) that it had nothing to do with caffeine, or not eating enough protein, or having sex while pregnant, or sleeping on my right side.
Whoa didn't realize I had all that in me. Thanks for listening and here's the website that talks about trisomy 16: www.trisomy16.org
I think some part of us always wants answers. It is just human nature to want to understand the answers, especially when bad things happen. Unfortunately understanding the reason behind the loss doesn't make the hurt go away anyway. I think that is the reason I am able to cope with the fact that I will never understand why. I know the "why" won't take any hurt away. It is nice, though, to have the reassurance that you didn't do anything to make that happen. I mean, even though we know that in our heads, it is still hard not to feel like you failed your baby in some way. Of course we didn't, but it is still nice to have that confirmed medically. I guess in some sense, though, you feel as though you had some control over this, and you really don't/didn't. It's just hard to accept that fact that we really have absolutely no control, and the reality of that can be both hard to accept and comforting, each in their own right.
I am glad you got some answers, and I hope this can help you move forward and heal. Hang in there.
I think I can understand how you are feeling. I am sure that we all think of our lost little ones as perfect and on top of that you had prepared yourself for not knowing so to find out that there was a major problem is a blow. It is hard to know that the little one had no chance at all. It just hurts. I am glad to hear that you are going to counseling. I hope that yours is as helpful as mine is. Just remember that no matter how strange your feelings may seem they need to be experienced.
I think you are lucky to have had the testing done. I was just told it was chromosome abnormality and it was left at that! It's really upsetting to know that your little one had no hope of living before it even started!
I know I'm following you about these boards but we seem to be in the exact same boat!!
I didn't get chromosomal testing done, because I didn't have any remains to give to my doctor. If I had been able to, and if I could afford it, I would probably have it done, just so that I would stop blaming myself. I have a counseling appointment on Wednesday.