thanks for your support with my previous post. well, today my hcg level was 51, lower than the 83 on wed. my ob called and said it was indeed a m/c. I just don't know what to feel right now. should I be greatful that nothing actually formed in my uterus, that I didn't see a h/b. all the same, the moment I got a postitive pg test, like most of you, you think how wonderful a baby. I just don't know right now. my ob said it could take a couple of weeks. it is like I have my period, every time I go to the bathroom I am reminded of what I am loosing or have already lost. I HATE going to the BR. I think I may hold my pee for the rest of my life! I just want to lay in my bed with the covers over my head, but how can I do that with my two little one? I feel depressed, I wish I never got pg in the first place. I konw that sounds so selfish since so many women have been unable to conceieve at all. I was one of them. But if I didn't I wouldn't be going through this at all. And if there is a next time and I get pg, all I am going to do is worry, I worried the whole time with Lucas and he was perfectly healthy. Now this happens...how can you go on with a future pg and be ok emotionally? I don't know if I could do it. I think I may be rambling right now. I am just confused, sad, and a bit angry. I don't like when things are out of my control and this is. thank you for listening
I'm so sorry. I really think that blinkie for PAIL month is so true: it's a little life, not a little loss. My first loss was pretty early, and it's hard to get other people to understand that you really did connect and love that baby, even though you never saw its heart beat and you only knew about it a short time.
I'm no expert on the matter, but the biggest bit of advice I can give you is not to let anyone tell you that you shouldn't mourn. Take all the time to grieve that you need. I know that in some religions (Catholic, I believe?) the priests will do funerals for babies, regardless of gestational age. I wish more people would do that - funerals give you so much more closure than most women get with miscarriages.
My DD was only 7 months old when I had my loss and just her presence was healing. So allow your LO's to help you heal. And I know what you mean about being afraid about the next pregnancy. The first trimester is scary enough w/o a previous loss. Just an FYI there is a pregnant after loss board as well as a ttc after aloss board. What would we do without this site? Take care and try to rest. We are here if you need us.
Oh no, i am so sorry. I answered your other post hoping that you would have good news. I'm sorry that it isnt.
As for worrying next pregnancy, unfortunately you will worry. A book that i have says that some ladies who have experienced loss will worry until they pass the point that they lost their pregnancy the last time. Perhaps this will be the case with you? Unfortunately we have all learned first hand that loss can and does happen.
I am sorry for your loss. I know what you mean about worrying about TTC and being pg again too. My son is 13 months and I don't think I could make it without him..his smile keeps me going. So I hope your little ones will help you heal.
Everything you have said is exactly how I felt. I never wanted to go though the pain of a possible loss again. The worrying never goes away, but I have found the support of friends to be an enormous help.
Know that all your feelings are (unfortunately) normal.