Thought I would post as I have my d & c tomorrow and am very worried and sad. Everyone is wondering why I am not over it yet (apparently I have had a week to come to terms with it now!!)
Have had a million insensitive comments over the past couple of days, such as, 'at least you have 2 children, think yourself lucky' (yeah I feel really lucky right now!!) 'it was not your time', 'it was hardly a baby,' 'you can have fun trying again' etc. It makes me want to scream when I have these comments, but I am trying so hard to bite my tongue. I have certainly learned who my friends are through all of this. I hope that I am never so insensitive to anyones pain.
Anyway, just needed to get that all off of my chest. Thanks for listening to me rant.
I dont think anyone who hasnt been through the pain of a m/c understands the emotions fully. And they may say "it wasnt really a baby yet' but to us it is a baby from day 1! I will be thinking of you tomorrow, you'll be fine so try not to worry. Keep us updated ok x x x
I hate those dumb comments. People just don't understand what it's like to go through this unless they have. Whenever people say things like this to me I try to remind myself that they just don't understand and in a way that is good because I would never wish this pain on anyone (if that makes sense at all). I read something somewhere the other day about a family that had their 10th kid that was a stillborn and someone said something dumb to the dad (like well at least you have 9 others) and the dad said something like, "I have 10 fingers and if I lost one and still had 9, I would still miss the 10th". It's totally true....no matter how many kids you have, how could you ever forget one of them. Sorry I think I totally just rambled on there
I totally agree with the PP that you just don't get it until you have been there. All of those people are well meaning, they just can't understand. And that is a good thing for them. I remember saying to my SIL when she m/c. "At least it was early." Yeah, I am sure that made her feel lots better I apologized for that insensitive comment after I understood myself a few weeks later. People just hurt for you and they don't know what to say to comfort you. Honestly, there is nothing that anyone can say that will bring you much comfort now, least of all someone who can't relate to the pain.
I hope your procedure goes well tomorrow. I had a D&E myself, because I was further along a D&C wasn't possible, and I too dreaded it VERY much. If it helps at all, the was nothing like what I dreaded and wasn't nearly as bad as I anticipated. It also helped me gain some closure. I am sorry you are dealing with this. There is no set time for you to get over it, as this was your child, so there will be no time in your life you are completely "over it." Don't let other people's opinions about your grief bother you.
While people's comments may be insensitive at times, their heart is in the right place, and I am SURE they care deeply about you and only wish to say something that might make you feel better. The reality is nothing anyone can say will ever make you (us) feel better. Only time will ease the pain, and 1 week is not enough time. Remember these people are your real friends, they just don't know how to be a friend to you right now. That's what we are here for.
Good luck on your procedure tomorrow. I hope you have given yourself the day (and weekend) to recoup.
I agree with PPs that unless you have gone through this (and I wouldn't wish that on anyone) you don't know what to say...I am sure they meant well but just didn't know what to say. or they are just ignorant.
I hope your D&C goes well and have an easy recovery.
I am sorry that you had to deal with stupid comments. I hope that your procedure goes quickly and smoothly tomorrow. You are a better woman than I as I would have told everyone exactly what I thought of their comments.
I am so sorry that poeple think you get over this in a week.Hugs and hugs and more hugs. Take all the time you need to recover and come and vent here all you like. THe one I grieve over most is 6 years back and i still grieve at times and wonder what she would have been like
I have been thinking of everyone today. Sorry i got on so late, but i have a bad cold.