Well here I am, on a board I never thought I would see. When I found out I was pg. I never even let the thought of m/c cross my mind. My pg. was going great. No, M/S only exhaustion. Not many symptoms at all, I considered myself one of the "lucky ones" who didn't have many of the bad symptoms.
I work in an ER and we have an u/s machine when one of the Doc's offered to do an u/s I jumped at the chance. Well there was my sweet little baby, with a strong HB and 9 1/2 weeks in measurement. The doc told me this was a good sign and that after seeing a HB it was only a 4% chance of m/c. My pg. continued without any problems, never one sign of bleeding or cramping. So, Sunday night when the same Doc. asked me if I wanted to see how my baby had grown I happily said YES! Then to my horror as my baby came into view, I could not see the HB. I asked Paul where the HB was and he was trying to be so nice and say the placenta was in the way every time he tries to get a shot through the body. He said just to be on the safe side I should have a formal u/s in the morning. So, I stayed at work and tried to keep my mind off of things. I went and picked up my DH, and together we went. For some reason the U/S tech wouldn't let DH be in the room with me during the test. Then walks in the radiologist (never a good sign) and he tells me they need to do a tranvaginal u/s just to be sure, because they weren't seeing a HB. They told me this without my DH there! I was devastated. DH said the longer he waited the more certain he was that the news was not good and tried to prepare himself. Finally after the last test was complete they went and got my DH and said that it was for certain that my baby's HB had stopped at 9 1/2 weeks. I was suppose to be 13 weeks.
Needless to say DH and I were devastated. Fortunately we have some wonderful friends and family who have been so kind. DH has been absolutely amazing, even though he is hurting as well. I went back today and had a D and C. I really didn't want to go to where I work, but I knew they could get me in fast b/c I work there. I felt like I needed to have the baby removed before an infection set in.
I feel so betrayed by my body. I had NO CLUE that anything was wrong. I was told it is very rare to have this happen without some sort of bleeding, spotting or cramping. So now I just feel a bit numb. I get really upset when I think of our poor little angel and how he never had a chance. (I call the baby a he b/c I had three dreams of him and he was always a boy).
I am glad to have found this board, and sorry that anyone has to be here.
Your story reminded me of when we lost Alex (also m/c). I, too, had the most uneventful pregnancy. Then on Dec 11 2002 I was so suddenly overcome with exhaustion in the middle of the day. I had to lie down right away -- but there were no cramps or spotting -- just exhausted. After that, there was no sign of anything at all, for days. So on Dec 17 I went happily for my routine U/S, blissfully ignorant -- and the ob/gyn (no bedside manner at all) just told me he couldn't find a heartbeat. I went utterly numb too -- autopilot shock -- my brain, everything seemed to shut down in his office. To this day, I have no idea how I managed to drive so safely home. I was an absolute wreck. Looking back, I think Alex must have grown wings on Dec 11 -- when I was suddenly so exhausted. Suddenly my lovingly anticipated baby was taken from us, with no warning.
So I totally relate -- you're right: it's numbing, shocking and royally crappy. It would be like being in peak physical form on a gorgeous Spring day, feeling on top of the world -- and then suddenly getting struck down by a truck. It comes up from out of nowhere, and just goes WHAM. I am so very sorry that you have gone through this, hon. It's truly horrific.
I'm glad you've written in here to vent and get support. You will get better, I promise (I can say that because I have, thanks to this board). It doesn't feel like it right now, but you will get better (I'm sorry to say that it takes a while, I'll be honest. But it WILL get better).
There's so much love and wisdom on this board -- a great group of women (and the occasional man!). It's so very sad that we all 'qualify' to be here, but we are your community and we care. We're here for you, and we're going to help you through this.
I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am, and that I completely understand what you are going through. I lost a baby at 12wks, and it was devastating. Her heart just stopped beating. They gave me medication to induce a m/c because my body was not doing it on it's own, and I did not want a D&C done. It was a horrific experience for me so I completely understand how you feel.
Please know that we will be here to support you and lean on your friends and family in this hard time. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it.
I am so sorry for your loss. I have had two in similar ways. Go to that first prenatal appt full of hope and anticipation, to find out there will be no baby after all. It is terrible to find out with no warning and definitely numbing. hugs and prayers!