Do you ever feel like...(m/c ment.)

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Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
Do you ever feel like...(m/c ment.)

no one understands the devestation of a m/c? I feel like people almost seem to blow it off like "Oh well! Just have to keep trying, right?!". And, "It happened for a good reason. It just meant that the baby wasnt right". UGH! As if that makes it any easier right now? Jeez!

Sorry. I think Im having a delayed emotional reaction to my m/c. It happened in the wee hours of the morning on Monday. And now Im getting almost angry about it?! Or maybe Im just angry at the responses Im getting from my family. Am I being way too sensitive? Is this normal?

Thanks and sorry for all of this rambling...

Laurie

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am so sorry for your lost. People can be very insensitive and some just don't even want to say anything. They kind of pretend that it did not happen. I am not sure why people are like this but it has been my experience. It seems like older people 60 and over are the worst. I think it is because in their generation they just did not discuss these things.
As far as getting angry it is a good response, it is part of the healing process. Be patient with yourself. I m/c in June and am still very sensitive on certain days. It takes time. Use these boards to vent whenever you need. The women on here on fantastic.

Uropachild's picture
Joined: 08/09/05
Posts: 1176

Honey i totally get what you mean. Until someone has experienced loss they have no idea how it feels and they completely underestimate what it takes to deal with it emotionally.

Anger is normal. Just dont bottle it up cause it has to come out at some point. Keep venting chick. :comfort:

ducknjay's picture
Joined: 10/11/05
Posts: 71

You're not being over-emotional. I really think unless you've been through it people don't get it. I guess it's just not tangible to them they way it is to you. But it's still no excuse for how flippant some people can be. My former best friend really seems to think I should have just walked it off! Some people just don't get it!

Don't take it personally, some people just don't know how to handle grief.

I'm sorry you are not feeling supported right now sweetie!!!

HUGS!!!!

batgirlandrobin's picture
Joined: 11/07/05
Posts: 163

All the girls have said it perfectly! So many don't understand how it feels...and even some that HAVE had m/c aren't sensitive! I think a lot of people don't know how to comfort us when it happens. Many hugs to you!! I'm so sorry for your loss!

mommyx6's picture
Joined: 08/24/07
Posts: 94

Sorry for your loss,And hugs.

newbie2all's picture
Joined: 02/02/07
Posts: 93

Hey I completely get it too. I am so very sorry for your loss and that you had to join us. Sometimes it feels people think our pregnancy doesn't mean anything unless it results in a baby we take home. It's absolutely okay to be mad. Allow yourself to feel how you do...no matter if you think it's right or not. It is the days I don't feel or say anything about it that I worry about myself. On the days that I vent away on this board I know I am on a path to healing.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I so understand what you're going through! After my miscarriage, someone actually said, "Just think how much fun you'll have trying again."

And then there was my SIL, who compared my second-trimester loss to a really bad period she once had.

I think anger is a perfectly natural response. I know people don't mean to offend, but they really just have no idea how devastating a loss is.

I'm so sorry you're going through this too!

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I am so very sorry for your loss. No, I do not think that you are being overly sensitive. You have lost your child. I don't care why it happened. It makes it no less painful. I am sure that you (like I) would rather deal with the complications that come with a special needs child rather than not have the child to love. People just don't get it. I know for me, once that BFP showed up I was in love fully and completely. I was destroyed when I lost my angel as I am sure you were when you lost yours. Sometimes I just wish people would learn how to say I am sorry and leave it at that. Again, I am so very sorry. I wish you peace.

Shelly

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

I definitely think that most ppl do not get it until they have been through it. Myself being one of them. I have had two close friends have miscarriages, and though I knew at the time it was hard for them, I did not understand how hard until I was there myself. The one that I am still friends with I apologized to. Hugs!

Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 371

Laurie
I am so sorry that you are going through this. You are right, people just don't get it. They just expect you to move on - oh this one didn't work out right so better luck next time.

min150mph's picture
Joined: 09/08/07
Posts: 72

I've had the same reaction from a few people, but also the most wonderful support from others who I never thought would. I think people say that to make me feel better, but all it does is raise my blood pressure right now. The worst part is I really didn't understand how hard it really is until I'm in this situation myself so I try to understand where they are coming from.

I never would have thought I would feel the way I do now. I can't even describe how I feel other than this has to be the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with emotionally.

Joined: 02/05/06
Posts: 33

I'm so sorry. I remember feeling like no matter what people said, or didn't say, it was wrong either way, and I was PISSED OFF at them. Just know that it will get easier. It is all a part of healing, no matter how crappy it seems. Hugs to you..........
Erin