Do you find you grieve more alone? (child ment)

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Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023
Do you find you grieve more alone? (child ment)

I know I am still very early in the grief process, but today is the first day since we found there was heartbeat, that I have not had my husband or sister with me, and wow, it has been a rough day. I cried and cried through my whole shower, and have picked a few quiet moments when the kids were occupied to shed some more tears. I do not like crying in front of ppl, because then they cry, and then I cry, and it is a vicious circle. Anyhow, being alone, I tend to cry more, do you do this too?

Chatakat's picture
Joined: 07/14/07
Posts: 129

I typically tend to do this as well. When we found out at the 2nd ultrasound, I didn't cry at all. My husband had to return work so I called off work and went home. As soon as I was inside that house I couldn't stop crying.

However last night I did cry in front of my husband, and honestly it made me feel better. I think it helps him understand how hard this is for me, and that it's gonna take some time for me to deal with it.

I've always felt that crying in front of people makes me feel very vulnerable. So very rarely will I cry in front of someone. I think my husband has seen me cry maybe 3 times, and unfortunately those have all been in the past 6 months.

jenagrl's picture
Joined: 02/19/08
Posts: 5

Definitely. My DS was stillborn in Feb and people are always saying how good I'm doing. Kinda drives me crazy b/c the second I'm alone I'm overwhelmed w/ grief. He is still on my mind 24/7, but I'm at the point I can work/socialize "normally". I think it is really important to allow yourself time to be alone, though. B/c that is when the real soul-cleansing crying/screaming can be done w/ no reserve. Allow yourself that, you deserve it and I do believe it is essential in beginning to heal.

Joined: 11/19/05
Posts: 456

I def cried much more alone....We tend to put a strong front on for others, even though we are seeking their support/strength....

Sending many :bighug: too you..

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

Kati, yeah, crying in front of the husband does help him as well, so I do that as well, I think I just save the big tears for later. Sad

Chatakat's picture
Joined: 07/14/07
Posts: 129

I know what you mean. I think it's just easier to let it all go when you're on your own, you're not worried about how anyone's gonna react, just about letting those emotions out.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Absolutely!

I rarely cry in front of anyone about anything (I have such a brave face!) but alone is a very different story. When we lost our angels, I totally broke down each time -- but only in private.

Glad to know this seems to be the norm!

Cheers,
Nicole

(PS Rachel -- it WILL get better, sweetheart. One day you won't cry about this when you're alone)

Joined: 06/10/07
Posts: 1692

I, too, grieve more when I am alone.

:bighug:

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

Yes, I do grieve more when I am alone.

My husband is a fixer and it tears him up that he can't fix this for me. So, I wait until I am alone and let it out. I also tend to dwell on our loss when I am alone because I don't have anything else to focus on.

I am so very sorry for your loss and all that you are going through.

Shelly

Joined: 05/02/07
Posts: 46

I agree with all of you, I cried alot more when I was alone! Like a pp, people would say "how strong" I was, and I would always think, "if you could only see me when Im alone" I wanted to be alone also, so that I could cry! I think it is very normal, its hard to let our guard down, even around our loved ones, especially if you dont feel like they will understand. I cried in front of my dad ONE time because he told me I needed to "get over it" and it hadnt even been a week, so from that point on, I just kind of "hid" all my grief!

Im sorry rachel!! HUGE HUGS your way!!

lanlaiely's picture
Joined: 10/03/07
Posts: 26

At first, I cried all the time. I didn't want anyone to be around me though. But I did cry whenever I was on the phone with anyone who had to tell me how sorry they were. I cried when I was in front of anyone who had to tell me how sorry they were. I cried in front of my husband. Finally, I got to the point where I abruptly told everyone who walked up to me that I didn't want to talk about it. Before they could even get a word in. I just didn't want to hear how sorry everyone was for me.

After a month or two, that went slowly went away. Then, about 3 months later, it hit me again. Like a ton of bricks. I thought my mourning period was over, but got hit again. That time, I cried anytime that I was alone. In the shower, in the car, alone at my desk...just about every single time I was alone.

Even after becoming pregnant again...I STILL mourn for that loss. It's really odd to me because I fully expected my feelings of loss and mourning to end when I got pregnant again. But it doesn't...it's still there. I just can't explain it.

cdokter's picture
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 126

I hear ya. My hubby has been great at keeping me busy for the last two months. But when he had to go away for three days of work training, I was a wreak. I think I got four hours sleep total in three nights. When I'm alone, I'm a total disaster. When I'm with people, life is jsut easier.

HopefullySoon's picture
Joined: 01/31/08
Posts: 163

"mom~2~angels" wrote:

I agree with all of you, I cried alot more when I was alone! Like a pp, people would say "how strong" I was, and I would always think, "if you could only see me when Im alone" I wanted to be alone also, so that I could cry! I think it is very normal, its hard to let our guard down, even around our loved ones, especially if you dont feel like they will understand.

Ditto.

I'm sorry Rachel. I know how hard this is.