Does it ever stop?
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Thread: Does it ever stop?

  1. #1
    Mega Poster
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    Default Does it ever stop?

    I'm sorry I only come on here to wallow in my self pity but you girls seem to always say the right thing to make the day a little easier. I hope one day I have the strength to help someone else when they need it.

    I had my miscarriage at 9w, my D&C last Thursday. Every day I think "How far along would I be today? What would my belly look like today? How big would the baby be today? How much longer til the end of my 1st trimester?" and the list goes on and on. Do you ever stop "thinking about it"? I mean I don't want to ever forget but I feel like sometimes it consumes me and its all I can think about if I sit idle for a few moments. Definitely keeping busy helps but please tell me it gets easier...

    Thanks,
    Jackie

  2. #2
    Mega Poster putney1477's Avatar
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    Jackie, I am so sorry for your loss. I am having the same feelings you are. I lost my baby at 12 wks. Had to have 2 D&Cs because they didn't get it all the first time. I would be 20 wks this coming tuesday I was doing ok until 4 weeks after my d&c.....then they had to go back in (I thought I was pg again because I was having pg symptoms all over again) Turns out, they didn't get it all.

    I think about my baby everyday. I ask myself the same questions you are asking. I feel that, that is normal. I found that this board was soooo helpful. I can ask the girls anything.

    Feel free to PM me anytime.

    The only advice I can give is take it one day at a time.

    HUGS
    Heather

  3. #3
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. It hasn't been very long and I think it's normal to still have all of those feelings. It was tough for me because I found out we lost the baby at 9 weeks but tried to wait for a natural m/c to occur and two weeks went by while I was still counting the weeks, etc. It was a very sad, empty time for me. But I really mourned my loss at that time and sadly accepted it.

    It's been over a month now since my loss and I honestly don't think about how far along I would be anymore. I'm still sad but I think I have let it go...not completely but enough that don't think about it all the time. Overall I feel good emotionally now (much better than a couple weeks ago) and my life is pretty much back to normal.

    Sending (((Hugs))) your way. You will be okay.

    Lynne

  4. #4
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    Jackie...believe me I know how you're feeling right now (as much as one person can understand another's pain)...

    This is my personal story from my first loss experience that I thought migth help...but I don't want to hijack or anything...but I thougt it might help a tiny bit..
    After my first MC I think I was very deeply depressed and grieved for at least 2 months without feeling any of the sadness becoming easier to bear. I didn't realize it at the time, but I think one thing that made my pain even harder to bear was that DH didn't really express his sadness the way I did...he kept everything bottled up and I didn't really know how terrible he felt. I felt SO alone.

    One night I just broke down and told DH how excuciatingly sad I was...well, surprisingly he broke down too and we shared our pain for really the first time. That's when I finally started to heal. That night he also shared something with me, that really means a lot to me. He said a few nights after I MC'ed the baby he was driving home from work (his shift requires that he works until 11pm)...anyway he said he was driving home and he saw this shooting star that literally lit up the sky and he said it just made him think of our baby's spirit and he realized it was kind of a "sign" to him about our baby...my husband is not really an outwardly religous person and he's really not a person who shares this kind of thing...so for him to share that meant 1. I know he was telling me the absolute truth, it gave me SO much comfort to hear that HE thought our baby was in a good place and 2. I wasn't ALONE with my pain anymore.

    Anyway, sorry this is so long...the point of all this is that it just hurts so bad ot have a MC and I'm so terribly sorry this happened to you. I've been thinking of you everyday. And secondly if you haven't really shared your pain/loss with DH you really should..it helped me accept the loss and move on (although I still think of both of the babies I lost all the time, they WILL always be in my heart and I hope I see/know them in some reality someday)...

    God Bless you Jackie....I'm praying God helps you find peace

  5. #5
    Super Poster newbie2all's Avatar
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    I know how you feel. I lost the my first one in March and a second in June. I still think of those same questions from even my first loss. Today I would be 34 weeks pregnant and so close to having my own little baby at home. It's hard to stop remembering how many weeks I would have been. When I wake up in the morning I find myself still touching my belly almost checking to see if my situation is still real.

    But these thoughts bother me less the longer that goes on. What makes things tougher for me is the approaching due date of my first. That has brought about these feelings again but initially after the loss things did get better and I was able to think positively again. My advice is take as long as you need to grieve and don't give yourself a hard time for remembering these things. It is all part of the process and also a sign of how much we loved our little angels.

  6. #6
    Posting Addict CamelNoodle's Avatar
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    I think the first time you go through each milestone, the harder it is.

    As time goes on, it does get easier. You'll never forget your baby, and you may always wonder what life would have been like. But it does get less painful to to think that way. On Saturday (8 months after my loss) I was able to talk about it without crying for the first time. It was a short conversation, but I was happy I didn't cry.

    Janel

  7. #7
    Emilys3Guppies
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby at 10.5 weeks, just last Monday. Even this past week has gotten easier than the first few days. But, it will take a while to heal emotionally...it can be hard to remember to allow that time to grieve, but taking a few minutes a day can really help. It's hard not to obsess.

    (((hugs)))

  8. #8
    MJ2
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    It will get better.

    I had 2 m/c's. It took me long to feel better after the 2nd one. I just past my EDD for angel #1. I actually forgot about it. That may sound bad, but for me I think I am healing.

    I would often think what would the baby be like? How far along would I be?

    For some reason, after my FIL died, I seemed to heal? Crazy I know, but I am glad that I am feeling better.

    You will feel better. Take it day by day. I try to think of all the other great things in my life.

    Melissa

  9. #9
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    i'm sorry to hear of everyone's news. this is my first post here. i have just returned from several days in the hospital and lost my baby at 17 weeks. i am 31 in a few days, it was my first pregnancy and had just visited the OB a few days prior and heard the heartbeat and was assured everything was very healthy. i had been concerned about my hypothyroidism and was starting to see a MFM specialist.

    i chose the medicinal route and delivered the baby on wednesday after 2 dosages and 9 hours had passed. the placenta was not moving along and i was being prepped for surgery when they pulled me out as i had passed the placenta along with many clots just minutes before.
    my fiance was there night and day for every moment, and the hospital social worker presented me with a memory box with a photo, baby book w/ footprints, a blanket crocheted by a volunteer from the March of Dimes and i am so very grateful for these gifts as i recuperate at home.

    my heart and thoughts are with all of you in this as we all heal our bodies, hearts and minds.

    xoxoxo
    nikki

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