Don't know what to say.. M/C ment, Child ment.

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lexirunner's picture
Joined: 05/10/06
Posts: 460
Don't know what to say.. M/C ment, Child ment.

I don't know if what I'm feeling is right. I just found out on Thursday (my DS 1st birthday) that our baby had no hearbeat... measured 8 weeks 6 days, and I should have been 9 weeks at the appointment... so it was a very recent occurance. I had a D&C yesterday (friday) and physically I am ok, but I just can't stop crying. Everyone keeps telling me how lucky I am to have one healthy child already... and this is making me feel even more guilty! I love my DS to death!... but I still want my baby I just lost. It kills me to know a week ago everything was fine! I don't know what I did wrong! I just feel horrible, and I know it must be selfish because I already have a child. Now I just keep thinking about the day we can start to try again, and that causes a whole new guilt trip! I feel like I can't win, anything that makes me feel better a little bit, also makes me feel worse. How do I deal with this!?!

Joined: 11/19/05
Posts: 456

I am so sorry you lost your baby Sad

I am sorry that you are having to deal with such unfeeling comments....You lost your baby....Just because you have one living child....This does not mean that you should be made to feel that your grief should be less..

You did *nothing* wrong...remember that....

We are all here to help you get through the days ahead...You will not be dealing with your loss alone..

:bighug:

Marie

OneLuckyLady's picture
Joined: 04/12/07
Posts: 129

Child ment.

{{{Hugs}}} I am so very sorry for you loss and I am sorry that the people around you don't know what to say.

In my case I got pg when my DD was just 6 months old. So when I lost the baby everyone said 'your body just wasn't ready...' Excuse me? Thanks for making me feel it was all my fault. It was nothing that I did and it was nothing that you did although I know it is hard to feel that way. Cling to your DS. He'll help you through this by him just being there.

And you are not selfish. Your griefe does not mean that you do not appreciate your son. It means you loved your unborn child and no one should fault you for that. Again, sending hugs your way and we are here if you need us.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am so sorry for your loss. I have every right to grieve. You lost a child, it doesn't matter if you already have one or not. A loss is a loss.

((((HUGS)))) YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

robin

Joined: 06/14/04
Posts: 12

I am so sorry for your loss.

My loss was just this past week, so I can very much relate to how you are feeling. I've cried so much this week, I think I'm out of tears! Unfortunately, most people just do not know what to say, unless they have been through it themselves. My own mother, who I am very close to, has come up with nothing but things to say that make me feel even worse (like the be thankful for the child you have comment).

Hang in there, and remember that you did nothing wrong, and you are not alone.
((HUGS))

Amy

mommyx6's picture
Joined: 08/24/07
Posts: 94

I am so very sorry for your loss .Vent and feel how you need to.

Joined: 09/15/07
Posts: 16

I'm so sorry for your loss. I m/c about two weeks ago. My DS is 13 months old. I know what you are going through. I cried for a good week. And I felt guilty because I felt like I should be happy that I had one son, and that maybe I was asking God for too much in my life and had been greedy.

But that was my baby, and I wanted that baby so much!

I'm sending hugs your way, you are not alone in this!

Sue

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I'm so sorry for your loss. Most people do not know how to deal with death, especially that of a baby. They say things that they think will help, but in many cases do more harm.
You have every right to feel sad over the loss of you baby.
:bigarmhug::bigarmhug::bigarmhug::bigarmhug:

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I am so very sorry for your loss. I am sorry for the insensitive comments as well. People just don't realize how hurtful their words are even though they say them with kindness at heart. We have had a major loss no matter at what point it occurs. I know that immediately after my loss I wanted another baby. I think that it is a natural emotional reaction to a devastating event. The guilt can be overwhelming as well. I wish that I had some magic words but I don't. The pain and guilt and anger will come and it will go. You will learn to survive but it will be a new normal that you adjust too. Please come here and let out whatever you are feeling, anytime. Shelly

Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 371

Lexirunner

I am so sorry to hear that you had a mc. Finding out on your DS' birthday just isn't fair either. I wish people could understand that a loss at any stage is painful. None if us wanted to lose our babies.

I think you are still going to have quite a few tears left to shed so if others don't understand, please come here because we do.

Antionette

butterflykissesx6's picture
Joined: 06/28/07
Posts: 509

I'm so sorry. Nothing anyone can say is going to change what happened and how you feel. Most of the time, they are trying to be helpful and just don't know how to. There is no right or wrong way for you to feel either. (((hugs))) Yes, like Antionette said, we all here understand what you are going through. ~Laurene

Joined: 05/04/06
Posts: 250

I'm sorry for your loss. Having to find out on your sons birthday must have been difficult. I'm sorry people are being insensitive- having one healthy child doesnt make your loss anymore real.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am very sorry for your loss. Please know you did nothing wrong (as you stated in your post). I dont know why these horrible things happen. I dont know why anybody should ever have to experience this pain.

I hope you are finding some peace.