Don't wanna go...

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jes23's picture
Joined: 08/08/07
Posts: 36
Don't wanna go...

As everyone knows... the Super Bowl is tomorrow. My mother-in-law has been insisting that I go since my D&C 1/29/08. I kindly told her that I would prefer to stay at home. She's not understanding this and not accepting this.

Here's the reason... My sis-in-law found out she was pregnant 2 weeks after I did and since then it's been a competition with her. When she found out from my mother-in-law that the baby didn't make it... she called and said I'm so sorry, but now we won't have to worry about who's going to deliver first (her edd was 8 days before mine).

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that things are going well for her and that the baby is fine... I wouldn't wish this upon anyone, but I'm afraid that she will say something that will make me do 1 of 2 things
1-cry and cry and cry OR
2-tackle her

Help, what should I do?


HopefullySoon's picture
Joined: 01/31/08
Posts: 163

I would probably stay home or make plans with some of your friends. I can't believe she said that to you, about not having to worry about who will deliver first. That is so mean and if she said that when you first found out it then it may be hard having to be around her this early because she obviously isn't sensitive to the situation. OR you could go and take out your anger on her and tackle her (just kidding!).

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Don't go. People who haven't experienced it don't understand and so the most insensitive damn things. She WILL make you cry AND you might tackle her too. Don't put yourself through that. You need time to heal, and going there probably isn't going to aid any in that process.

BuckeyeMum's picture
Joined: 08/20/07
Posts: 10


I would do what makes you comfortable. Your mil will get over it. Smile

As for the competitive sil... i can totally sympathize... i've got one of those... and i would love to tackle her... so I am no use in the way of advice there!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I wouldn't go. I would send my husband alone and say I wasn't feel well or I made plans with friends and I will catch up with the family on another time.

You have to do what feel comfortable for you.


Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I wouldn't go either. You're probably in an emotionally fragile state (like me) and you just don't need that right now. If DH really wants to go, maybe you and a good friend can hang out together and she can help keep your mind off of things.
I haven't wanted to meet up with my moms group friends because they are all pregnant or just had a baby and it is just too hard for me. I worry about what they think a little, but then I just tell myself that I'm NEED to take care of myself right now.
Please don't feel guilty about taking care of yourself. Your MIL will be fine. As for your SIL, she is obviously not showing you any compassion so you don't need to be around her. There will be plenty of times later down the road when the whole family can get together. Now doesn't have to be the time for this.
Hang in there hon! Let us know what you decide. I'll be thinking of you.

jes23's picture
Joined: 08/08/07
Posts: 36
Not going...

My DH said it is completely up to me... my MIL hasn't called yet either(surprising)
We've decided to stay in... I'm going to attempt dinner (for the first time in a week) as today I'm feeling physically and emotionally better.

Thanks ladies

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

I'm glad you decided to stay in. Hugs!

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

Personally, I would try one last time to politely decline. If that didn't work, then I would very bluntly say I am not going because I will not subject myself to insensitive remarks no matter how well meant they may be.

I have become very bitter and cynical about many things since my loss and my way is not always the right way to handle things. But, that is how I would handle it.


Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I would have declined to go. ANd I give a hi5 to DH for staying in with you and trying to have dinner. How sweet of him to do that.

THe competitive sil i have one of those too and best is to ignore her completely and not play to her game. Life is way more serious and enjoyable than that, and i hope she learns that in a real easy manner.

Hugs and fuzzies.