Emotional day! (ttc ment)

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angelchristian's picture
Joined: 12/16/07
Posts: 24
Emotional day! (ttc ment)

I think today is going to be really hard!
I am thinking that a/f is on her way. This will be the first one since the loss of Christian on 12/9. I had really hoped that I would be one of those ladies that gets pg right after a loss and goes on to have a perfect baby...but I don't think that will be happening. I know that it is much better to give my body time to heal. I really do! But I am just so sad not to be pg anymore!
I called in to work today so I can just cry! This whole week has been full of teary moments! One moment I am doing just fine or even good, and then WHAM! I am back to tears. It happens lots in my car and also talking with others about Christian.
One positive thing has come out of my loss is my renewed spirituality! My dh and I have also become much closer emotionally and spiritualy. We have been together for over 10 years and just last Sunday we went to church for the first time together!

I know that tomorrow will be better (maybe even a good day!), but today I just want to be sad and cry. Do you ever feel that way?

I know I don't post a lot, don't know anyone very well, and I am very new to this board, but I want to thank everyone here for giving me a safe place to stay!

--Annie

Christian David :angel13: 12/9/07

Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 371

Hi Annie

It has been 5 months for me and I still have those days. You have a lot of firsts ahead of you and they will all be difficult. However it does get a bit easier.

I didn't know any of these ladies until a couple of months ago but now I feel so close to so many of them. I am so grateful to have had the opportuntiy to connect with so many incredibly strong brave women (although most days we don't believe we are strong enough). It is very hard to see any "positive" (don't even like to use that word) in what has happened to all of us yet here we are banding together and being a shoulder for one another.

I think it is wonderful that you and your husband are becoming even closer. It is remarkable that you find your self in this place so early in your grief. You will be okay. You might like to read "When bad things happen to good people". It is a non demonminational book written by a rabbi who lost his son. It talks about how he was able to continue his spiritual relationship and how he met and shared his life with so many other survivors of child loss.

Forgive the long post. I'm feeling very reflective today.

Antionette

Lily Maria Kathleen :angel1: August 10, 2007

troynicole's picture
Joined: 12/06/07
Posts: 151

Annie-i know EXACTLY how you feel. I lost my baby Dec 18th. i just finally took a test yesterday to make sure my levels were back to zero and seeing that negative almost made me cry. It should've been positive! my AF still hasn't come but i know when it does i will cry. I'm glad you took the day off to do that-i feel like doing that all the time!

congrats on going to church together-i hope it continues. without my faith i know i never would've made it through the last month!

Take care, and have a GREAT tomorrow. have your today the way you want to... Smile
Nicole

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am sorry again for your loss. Yes I still have days that all I want to do is sit and cry. I lost my Rebecca in June and it has taken these 6 months to really begin to feel better. I am glad your husband is at least sticking by you. I also found renew spirtuality after the death of my daughter.
AF makes me a mess every month so if you are expecting her then the witch is causing a lot of your emotional distress.
It is fine to just curl up sometimes and cry just don't do it all day everyday. If you need to talk you can PM me. The ladies on the board are incredible. Any of us will help in any way we can.

Robin

HopefullySoon's picture
Joined: 01/31/08
Posts: 163

I too am sorry for your loss girl. I think it is good you took off the day. Like Antionette said, the firsts are always the hardest. I'm glad to hear that you and your DH are there for each other. I too feel like our loss has brought my DH and I so much closer and for that I will be forever thankful; I can't imagine having to deal with a loss like this alone.
Take care of yourself.

Joined: 01/04/08
Posts: 16

I'm soory for you loss. after i m/c at 12 weeks, i also made it a point to go to church more often. my dh went with me too. i found some amazing healing words that really helped me after my m/c too. and i'm glad you found us here too. i don't the ladies here very well either, but i feel safe talking with them about what i'm going through.

jean

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

Oh Annie. I am so very sorry hon. We all go through the waves of grief. Please feel free to post here as often or as little as you feel comfortable. Time will make it more bearable. Unfortunately, that is all that will. I wish you peace and strength.

Shelly

Joined: 12/12/07
Posts: 18

I just wanted to say I am sorry for your loss. I had a D&C for a missed miscarriage 11/29, and so I can empathize with many of the emotions you are describing. Reading your post really reminded me of myself in some ways. Our doctor asked us to wait 2 months before ttc, and I definitely needed that time emotionally and I tell myself that physically I am giving my body time to recover. But then I visit with a pregnant friend or see something related to my own pregnancy and I am surprised by the sudden surge of loss I feel at no longer being pregnant myself. We just have to be patient with ourselves and with each day.

Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and wish you well in your journey. I don't post here often either, but reading the board over the last six weeks or so has been really helpful. Feel free to PM me if you'd like.

K.

Joined: 11/30/07
Posts: 117

All I can say is that i am so so so sorry for what you are going through. None of us should ever have to go through these things, i hate the fact that a board like this even needs to exist. i think the need to feel pregnant again is totally normal, I feel exactly the same. We had planned for these babies, been so excited they are coming, and now we just dont know what to do with ourselves and our pain.

Cry when you need to, and feel better when you are able to.