feel so guilty for feeling sad (m/c ment and pg ment)

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anreka's picture
Last seen: 4 years 9 months ago
Joined: 06/27/06
Posts: 8
feel so guilty for feeling sad (m/c ment and pg ment)

hi. my name is juliet and up until last week i was pregnant with twins. we had our "big" u/s at 18wks and 1 day and found out that one of the babies, who we found out was a boy, no longer had a heartbeat. it came as a huge shock since just 3wks before i had seen both of them on the monitor with nice strong heartbeats. according to the measurements they took my baby boy must have died just a couple of days later.

i'm so sad/mad/angry/ and just bewildered that this happened. i want to grieve and let everything out but just can't. i wonder what's gonna happen when i deliever this little one and don't have his/her brother to hold in my other arm. will i be able to grieve then? will i always look at this baby and wonder what would have been had the other one been born? i hate feeling like this because it's just not fair. i should be focusing on the life that's growing inside of me. but it's so hard. it's hard to imagine that there's not 2 in there anymore. i know it sounds weird but i don't feel as pregnant as i was before.

we've been incredibly blessed with 3 children who are very healthy and just the joys of our life. and by all accounts this little one is still thriving. but i just want to know how long this pain lasts? does it fade away? will i be able to enjoy this pregnancy? does the question "why me" ever stop going around and around in your head?

thank you ladies for listening to my rambling. i just don't know what to say or do right now.

Last seen: 1 year 8 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am so sorry for your loss. Everyone grieves differently; there is no “right way” to grieve a loss. Do not let yourself feel guilty for being sad, it is a normal process. I know you must feel torn between feeling the loss and being happy you still have baby A. It is ok to cry.
Sending hugs and prayers baby A continues to do well.

CamelNoodle's picture
Last seen: 1 year 7 months ago
Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 908

:bigarmhug: It can't be an easy place you are in. Most of us got to grieve the loss of one child before hopefully celebrating the arrival of another.

It's okay to feel guilty. It's okay to feel detached.

You'll always be a mother that lost a son, no matter how much you joyously welcome another.


sunnycrest's picture
Last seen: 4 years 10 months ago
Joined: 11/13/05
Posts: 57

I am so sorry to hear this. I just saw your other post. I agree with everything Janel has said. Massive hugs. x