hi. my name is juliet and up until last week i was pregnant with twins. we had our "big" u/s at 18wks and 1 day and found out that one of the babies, who we found out was a boy, no longer had a heartbeat. it came as a huge shock since just 3wks before i had seen both of them on the monitor with nice strong heartbeats. according to the measurements they took my baby boy must have died just a couple of days later.
i'm so sad/mad/angry/ and just bewildered that this happened. i want to grieve and let everything out but just can't. i wonder what's gonna happen when i deliever this little one and don't have his/her brother to hold in my other arm. will i be able to grieve then? will i always look at this baby and wonder what would have been had the other one been born? i hate feeling like this because it's just not fair. i should be focusing on the life that's growing inside of me. but it's so hard. it's hard to imagine that there's not 2 in there anymore. i know it sounds weird but i don't feel as pregnant as i was before.
we've been incredibly blessed with 3 children who are very healthy and just the joys of our life. and by all accounts this little one is still thriving. but i just want to know how long this pain lasts? does it fade away? will i be able to enjoy this pregnancy? does the question "why me" ever stop going around and around in your head?
thank you ladies for listening to my rambling. i just don't know what to say or do right now.