This is just going to be a ramble because I need to get it off my chest.I also feel bad unloading here, becasue most posters here have the new, raw grief and mine just pops up at certain times, but I guess thats why this board is here
Here's a little of my story for those who don't know me.
Jan 06 found out I was expecting, great or so I thought. Went to appt heard the heartbeat, I was beyond thrilled. Spotted pink, freaked, went to ER, doc there said I was fine numbers high, yada yada yada. Schedule ultrasound with OB, total devastation, no heartbeat d/c, wait 1 month start trying again.
I was due Oct 06, so its coming quickly into Oct and I am getting sad again, just keep thinking that I would be planning a cute 1st birthday party, having a great time being Mom, and so forth. So really down in the dumps. I need to quit lurking on that board, makes me crazy, but I so want to see what I would have, I know it's weird. DH doesn't remember my due date, he thinks I should be past it all, but he is in another state and I know he won't even think of our angel in Oct, I know its a guy thing, but jeez, I just wish it would make him a little sad this time of year.
Now for the TTC hell, been TTC for 19 months 19 F****** months, sorry but now I am getting mad. How freaking long can it possibly take when your timing is right on every damn month. Its making me totally crazy, I just keep thinking maybe those 9 weeks of pg is all I get. If so I am going to be really mad at God for a long time, maybe we will adopt, but I want to be pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So here I sit at my comp all alone, DH is away, I just feel like crying, but I have done plenty of that in the past 19 months, I think I am going to dry out my tear ducts.lol Anyway if you got this far thanks for listening. I know you girls understand what its like.
Hugs to All